I didn't see it coming..

I didn't realize that an announcement, well not even an announcement yet more like a permission being asked would release such a floodgate of tears from me. And like any floodgates being opened, I managed to affect the surrounding areas LOL

I don't know why I cried when Papa told me that my brother has asked their permission to marry. I made some joke about it first like "can he afford it?" Papa was telling me that we should be happy where Nicco is happy. I get that part and whatever feelings I have about it - positive or negative, what is important to me is still my brother's happiness. My eyes were starting to well up around this time. Papa sounded fine so I asked what about Mama. He said she seems fine while I was trying to hold the tears. I didn't want to let my parents know that I was crying but I couldn't hold it much longer. So finally I told Papa, "well I am crying and I don't know why". When Papa all of a sudden said that he was passing on the phone to my sister, I knew that I already got to him. I spoke with Camille and she asked why I was crying and same thing "I don't know" and she got mad at me because by this time she started crying too. Then she told me that my parents were now crying as well. The only one missing was Jehann and it would have been already an "all-star cast". Papa was saying that he couldn't imagine how he will do it when it eventually comes when right now he is already being all emotional and its my brother at that. Imagine if it was one of his daughters. Papa already gets emotional when his nieces and nephews get married, what more when its his own children.

No wonder my brother took a side trip to Tacloban after going to Cebu. I think Papa already sensed it but my brother couldn't muster enough courage to tell our parents during his stay. It was already when he was about to board the plane back to Manila that he sent our parents a text message to call him and when Papa did thats when he said it. Apparently, he and Tinggay are going back to Tacloban if not this weekend, next weekend. It was nice of him to do that, give our parents that tremendous amount of respect to ask or rather inform our parents first. I bet it wasn't easy but he knew it was what it was supposed to be and the right thing to do. Papa also told him to call Jehann and myself to inform us, being his older sisters. He hasn't done yet and frankly I don't know how I will react when he eventually does tell me himself.

I don't know what I feel about it. Sure, I am happy for my brother but I guess there will always be that feeling that we are "losing" him or something like that. Its tough and right now all my emotions are in a twist. Its been hours since I spoke with Papa and Camille and it still hasn't sunk in. I don't know when it will.

edit: It's an "all-star" cast now since Jehann just informed me that she cried too after reading this blog and Camille's blog. According to Camille, our paternal lola cried as well as our long time housekeeper. Parang di lalake yung amin na nag-iiyakan kami. LOL

R.I.P. Dondon!

I didn't really know him much. Last time that I saw him was probably 15 years ago but I remember him when he was a kid during summers that they would go home to Barugo. I know his sister more. He is my 2nd cousin, being that his dad and my dad are first cousins. That being the case, it was still a big shock to be told of what happened to him. He is dead at a young age of 28. But what makes his death beyond disbelief is not only the fact that he was young but the manner how he died. The details are still vague but as of now what we know is he was robbed and murdered. He was last seen meeting someone at a mall and the next thing was he was found in a hotel/motel room, dead. An aunt told me that either he was tortured before he was killed or he had been dead for a long time that his body was already decomposing but either way he was beyond recognition. His sister was able to identify him through his feet. This is a big shock to the family. I bet his parents are beyond consolable. He was the middle child and I believe the only boy. I hope we will see justice for what happened to him. But knowing the legal system in the Philippines, I don't know if we will see that but hopefully we will. Until then, we just have to console ourselves of a life cut so short. Rest in Peace Dondon!

Update: According to a cousin, he was tortured because when he was found, his hands were tied and his mouth was stuffed with something.

Update2: Apparently a girl was involved or it was about a girl.

Update3: Lyndon was 27 and not 28. A tabloid paper reported this incident.

Today is his funeral and its a closed casket.

From my "quiet spot"

wobbling on one leg
stepping on this tight rope
suspended in air
no safety net below
insistent on walking despite the fear
in time steady, stable...
standing with both feet on solid ground

Where is my quiet spot?

Years ago when I still used to write frequently and I mean write like poems, essays and short stories, when I needed inspiration all I had to do was to put my forehead on a table, close my eyes and tune everything out. It didn't matter if I was in the middle of writing my college thesis or during a birthday party, in a few minutes, I was grabbing a pen and paper and writing away. But now I cant seem to find it. I don't know where it went and I so badly need inspiration right now. As chairperson, part of my task is to draw up the layout of the ballot tickets and the dinner tickets. We need those in order to get quotes from printers. The layouts from past events are nowhere to be found so I am pretty much starting from scratch. I have been raking my brain for the past week or so on what it would look like. I have a vague picture in mind but its not enough to work on. I need more than what my brain can come up with at this point and the clock is ticking fast and faster by the minute even second. As if that wasn't enough, I also have to start making a draft of the program for the coronation night. I also have to finish drawing up the questions that I need to ask the candidates for their write-ups. These are only for the Ms. Maglipayon, I still have the 2008 Medical Mission to think about too. Argh!! So please, please "quiet spot" make your presence felt soon...like now or tomorrow!

In good company

How I wish TopherGrace is part of it but he is not but I am in good company nonetheless.

Things are falling into place for my first time experience to chair a major event for ATA. We had some problems when the first chair resigned due to some internal problems but that was fixed. Then, one of our candidates had to decline which brought the number to two which is an okay number (at least its not one) but would be better if we had one more. Thanks to my sister Camille, I have a third candidate to join the group and she will be flying from the East Coast. She is the first candidate in the history of the Ms. An Maglipayon to come from outside of California and Nevada and the first who was born and raised in Tacloban. Yay!

I have been to a couple of coronation nights before and save for one which was good and elaborate but too much, I felt the rest could have been better. I mean production wise and all, it could have been better but for some reasons they were not. I felt that some parts shouldn't have been part of it and such. I kept that to myself, who was I to be critical of it.

But now its our chance to change that and to change people's perception. I have no illusion of making it the best or the grandest and topping the others but I just want it to be the best that we can do. I am just so glad that the people involved and I have pretty much the same vision and are in the same page as far as what we want the night to be, to look like, etc. Its so much fun to brainstorm with people who also believes that the others could have been better. Turned out, I was not the only one with that feeling. Things are in pre-planning right now (booked and paid the down payment for the venue, we have a color scheme in place, DJ has been booked) and so far so good. I think and I believe we owe the candidates that much. Its their night to be honored and to shine after doing pretty much all the work. I think its the ATA's responsibility to make them feel that it was a worthwhile thing for them and for a worthy cause at that. I know I am making it my responsibility.

By the way, any Leyteño or Taclobanon who may have or know someone who would have research materials as well as pictures of the history of Ms. An Maglipayon from its conception back in 1924 to now, please send those my way. I would really be thankful. For the first time, we might actually have a historical background as well as an audio-visual presentation of it and proof that this was not some cooked-up plan to raise funds but is actually rooted in history. We have some materials but I think and feel there's more out there. Please!