Insomnia

I really should be sleeping right now considering I still have work tomorrow or make it in 8 hours but I cannot seem to sleep early no matter how much I want to or try. This weekend will pass by again with me not getting enough sleep since I seem to always sleep late or early morning on weekends. Funny thing is I hardly go anywhere or do anything that would be a reason enough for me to stay awake till the early morning. Sleeping late should not be a problem if I can bring my butt to work on time. :blush: but nope. These past few weeks I have been late to work, not that much, like 30 minutes but still I am late. My bosses don't really mind but I feel bad so I guess starting Monday I really should make an effort to wake up early so I can be at work if not early, on time which means that I should force myself to sleep early.

On other things - it has been a running joke in my family when they tease me about my dislike for Con$t@ntine (just in case someone googles his name LOL I have no plans of getting the ire of his fans). Every Wednesday, my aunt and I visit my Lola at my uncle's house and aside from having dinner there, watching the American Idol result show has turned into a family affair. Being that, my relatives find it amusing to tease me about him because they know that I do not like him. If that makes any sense. I can't seem to explain why I don't like looking at his smug face on TV. At first he was okay but as the days passed by, he has started to annoy me. BUT, that being said, I feel though that him being booted off last Wednesday was a big injustice. I think Scott should have been booted before he did and I think he even was expecting it. I think that is just cruel since people are just prolonging his agony. Why he is still there is a mystery to me. It makes me wonder though who else are voting on American Idol. I vote and not once did Scott get my vote. Oh well, Tuesday is coming up, another round of competition, another round of voting and hopefully not another week of Scott being "safe".

I do not know if its mid-life crisis or my dad is just melodramatic but he has the worst mood swings ever. One day, he is displacing his frustrations with the world on us, the next he is the most attentive father. One day he complains of the many "gastos" and the next he comes home with a bagful of fishes for his pond and aquarium. Those fish don't come cheap mind you. We just try to understand him no matter how annoying and irritating he can be. My siblings and I joke around that it seems one of us has to gift them with grandchildren or at least a grandchild for now so that they can channel their attention to the little ones rather than on us. But that isn't going to happen anytime soon. Camille, is still far too young to even contemplate being a mom and single for the moment. Nicco has law school to finish and a girlfriend to have. Jehann has a boyfriend but is more focused on finding her career path than on giving our parents a grandchild. As for me, being that I am the oldest, I don't see that happening anytime soon. Heck, I cannot even take care of myself yet and I am going to drag another human being along. And ano yun "alien baby"? LOL I guess for the meantime my parents would have to do with Ethan, my cousin's son or their plants, fishes, aquarium and pond.

It's my friends, Chary and Rick's couple's shower this weekend. I cannot believe that in a month's time, one of my dearest friends is getting married. This is the first wedding in my small circle of friends that I will be able to attend. I was already in the US when some of my friends back home decided to get married so I was absent in those. I have known Chary and her twin sister Christy since first grade. It amazes people when they find out that Chary, Christy and I have remained friends all these time. Actually, it is not just the 3 of us who have kept in touch, I still keep in touch with all of my friends from grade school, especially the close ones. We may not see each other as often as we would want to but that has never been a reason for our friendship to vanish. Their friendship is such a blessing and a gift that I will treasure forever. I wouldn't dare make a shout-out to each and every one of them for fear that I might shut someone out. They know who they are and frankly I don't know how my life would be like had they not been in my life. After this weekend's couple's shower, we are going to Vegas for an all-girls weekend. Four of our girl friends are flying into Vegas to join us: Abigail and Sandy from Texas, Amy from New York and Rhyna from Indiana. It's going to be a weekend of shopping, spa, dinner and a show. Good, clean fun! I am so excited for that!

On a sad note, Dr. Raymundo Punongbayan was killed in a helicopter crash. He was the director of Philvolcs before his retirement, who catapulted to fame when he predicted the eruption of Mt. Pinatubo, a long dormant volcano in the mountain range of Central Luzon. He was working for the Philippine Red Cross during the time of his death. He was actually on the job when he was killed. I was always in awe of him. Which is strange since I was never been one into science. But he actually made the study of volcanoes so interesting. He could have ordered another official to survey volcanoes and other potential natural disasters but he chose to do them himself. He was indeed a scientist. I found out that he was a recipient of the Sergei Solviev Medal in 2002 for his exceptional research and skills. I read that he could have gone to a foreign country to be a consultant and be more than compensated after his retirement but he chose t0 stay in the Philippines and still be productive. Ever efficient, he was still able to email a comprehensive report to Richard Gordon before he met his untimely death. He will be a great loss to the country. RIP Dr. Raymundo Punongbayan!

Okay, I have to go to sleep now!

"I will jump with you!"

I was reading through my file of my journal entries when I chanced upon this entry written almost 2 years ago. I did not realize that where I am now, what I think now, what I feel now..I already thought of before, I just didn't realize it I guess. Some weeks back, my curious young cousins asked me why I wasn't married yet. I told them that back then I didn't know what I want and I felt I needed to find myself, get to know myself before I let someone in. Then another cousin asked if I know it now. Before I could realize it, I said YES. That answer got me thinking. Do I really? Am I ready? I mean, my life isn't as "settled" if that is the right word as I would want it to be. But, will it ever be settled? Does it have to be settled first before I can do other things? Someone told me before to just take a leap of faith, to just jump right into life rather than regret not doing it all. This may be a "huh" moment for some, but two days ago I was conversing with someone about skydiving and I was invited to try it. I said "I will ride a plane but not jump out of it". The reply is the title of this post. Some may take it literally, some may take it philosophically. I am looking at it now metaphorically. Maybe I am ready now to tell someone.."I will jump with you!" Maybe I do not need to jump by myself anymore. Maybe I do not have to jump by myself. That maybe someone is willing to take a risk with me. Maybe it is telling me that I can put my trust on someone. Or maybe I am just over-rationalizing things, misinterpreting things that really do not mean much. I do not know!

excerpt:
August 13, 2003

I think that whatever happened 3 years ago had to happen. Things indeed happen for a reason. I guess if we insisted on things then we would have ended up hurting ourselves and each other. I am not saying that this time will be “perfect”. There is no guarantee in life that things will always happen the way we would want it to be. Sometimes, we wonder why things didn’t happen, as we would want it or the way that we have planned it. Little did we know that the reason why it didn’t happen then is because we need time to mature, to grow up, to take time to really know if this is meant to be ours in the first place. Certain things happen when we least expect it; at times too, they happen when we most need it. Andrew Firestone was right; it’s all about timing. No matter how we feel that the emotion and person is right but if it happened at a point in our life when we are not ready for it, the emotion and the person becomes wrong. Is now the right timing? I really don’t know! I will know when I get there. I don’t even know if I am ready to be in a relationship. Part of me feels that I am but the other part is unsure. I am not dreading it but I am not going to lose breath over it either. I am not going to lose my mind over it. I will just let nature take its course I guess. I will not even force the issue. I will just let things happen if they are meant to happen. The thing is I feel that I am more mature, more prepared to be in a relationship than before. I know myself now that I will be smart about it. I am better prepared to face the pain and the sorrow as well as welcome the happiness that comes with it. I am more realistic in my approach to relationship and have realistic expectations and goals rather than spend all my energy trying to prove something to others as well as to myself.

Not surprised!

Got this from Aion

Your Brain is 80.00% Female, 20.00% Male

Your brain leans female You think with your heart, not your head Sweet and considerate, you are a giver But you're tough enough not to let anyone take advantage of you!

What Gender Is Your Brain?

Relief

It really does pay to have a law student for a brother or having an older brother for that matter. My sister's problem has been settled. I do not know the specifics yet but the most important thing is my sister and us, her siblings can now breathe a sigh of relief. Had this been not fixed, this will pose a BIG problem. Our parents have no clue that we found ourselves in this situation. My siblings and I vowed to fix the situation on our own without getting our parents, especially our father involved. So my lips are sealed regarding this matter. Good thing our parents are not technologically savvy enough to learn how to access this blog so there is no possible way that they will find out [crossing fingers]. If they do find out eventually well at least it is already after the fact. To my dear sister, I hope this serves as a "wake up call" for you! I promised your Kuya I won't scold you anymore so I am not saying anything more. I am sure he already gave you enough "sermon" to last you for the next school year!

I was amazed with the reaction I got with regard to my previous post. Two people were actually able to sense that I was pissed about the whole "dolphin" thing. I am kind of over it now and frankly I do not care anymore. LOL. It wasn't my intention to come out spiteful or miffed but I guess that was how it seemed like. Or maybe I was since I wrote the post with the rawest emotions possible. Oh well! Good thing too he doesn't read blogs.

To my cousin dear, sorry nasama ka! LOL I know you understand! And yes, we will look for that prom dress until we find what we are looking for or what you are looking for, whatever that is. And yes, we will have the long talk that is overdue this weekend. Maybe we would need some frappucinos to stay awake or red bean milk tea boba from Guppy. LOL That should be enough.

Disbelief

I cannot believe he gave out his dolphin artwork to a friend of his when I asked for it a long time ago. The nerve of him to say I never told him or he doesn't remember, well if he talked to me more often maybe he would have remembered. But it seems that the only time he does communicate with me is when he is bored to his wits, his ego needs some "pick me up" or he needs reassurance that he is on the right path, or when he gets stranded on a place due to his foolishness and had to walk the 4 miles or so home in the early morning by himself in an empty highway. He was lucky that time that I answered his missed call. If I had been like his other friends, he would be walking home alone. But being the nice person that I am, I called him back and stayed on the phone with him until he was safely home. Geez! I know I am being petty about the whole "dolphin" artwork but I so wanted it when he was about to throw it. It makes me think if my friends are indeed right that I am just way too nice to him. Maybe I should snap from looking at this whole situation which has now spanned 2 decades with rose-colored lenses. Frankly, it is getting tiring. Although, I am not anymore expecting anything to happen at all, still it's annoying. I am just going through the motions of it and see where it leads us. Sure it would be nice if he has a definitive place in my life but he is so indecisive and now he also gave away the artwork of his that I liked to someone else. Whatever! Nakakainis ka! I think life is telling me something. Maybe it is high time I listen to it!

I cannot believe that my cousin actually expects me to help her find her "dream" prom dress when she herself doesn't know what she wants. She has spent the past few weekends looking for it but with no success so now I have to help her since her mom pretty much gave up on her. Well, I not only have to help her but I want to help her. It would do her some good to attend her prom after all it's her last year of high school. It is only now that she is getting the whole experience I am not going to let some illusion of the "perfect" dress ruin it for her. If we won't be able to find the "perfect" dress then at least close to perfection is what we would have to settle with. If she has a problem with that, well too bad. She wants to go to prom, she would have to stick with whatever.

I cannot believe that some teachers think that by failing his/her students says something about him/her being a good teacher or not. I have had my shares of teachers who love terrorizing their students. It is actually their badge of honor to be known as the "terror" teachers. My sister's prick of a teacher in modelling failed her for reasons we do not know yet. He (the teacher) does not give feedbacks on his students' progress, he is irritated when students go to consult with him, and according to my sister he seems to be scowling all the time in class. There are only 10 people in this class and sometimes only 4 shows up. That says a lot on the kind of teacher one is. It seems that this teacher has some personal issues with the department because he feels that his class isn't given the importance that he deemed it deserves. Well, if that is the case bring the issue to the chairperson and not use his students to make a statement. He cannot and should not penalize his students for something that he has to take to the department head. According to the records, supposedly, my sister "over cut" but if that was the case then why bother allowing her and other classmates to continue on with the class and take their final exams. Why waste their time when they could have been focusing on other subjects that will be more compassionate to their whole well-being. Well she "cut" a couple of times because she was drowning with requirements for his class. Sure, it is my sister's fault that she may have not passed some projects on time but he should have told them so after or before the project was even submitted and not when its grade-giving time when students are at the mercy of their teachers. My sister worked so hard on this subject more than any subject to a point of exhaustion. She sometimes do not get to sleep finishing her projects on top of the demands of her other classes. She goes to school with little or no sleep at all. Due to this she got sick a lot of times during the last term and lost so much weight at an alarming rate, which made my mom worry. She even got sick during Finals week. And she suffered a relapse once she was back home in Tacloban. Students go to school to get an education, not to be driven to insanity. To top it off, while his students are languishing over the academic turmoil that he has put them in, he is in the States, probably having fun. If I know where he is here, I would hunt him down and give him a piece of my mind. Grrrrr!!!!

Hay! :: SIGH:: well, at least it pays to have a law student for a brother so they made an appeal letter to the department head. Not only does my sister have the suppport of my brother but also of 3 other law student friends of his as her legal team. LOL Technically, my brother and his friends are just entering their 4th year of law school but hey they are almost there. They know enough to appeal what a big injustice this is and how unfair it has been. Hopefully, things will work out fine.