Renovation

After the recent torrential rains that poured into our province and caused massive flooding yet again, my dad made a decision to raise our flooring which was just raised back in December. Ever since we moved there in the late 70's, I don't know how many times we have had to raise our floor. It has been raised so much that a few times more we would have to slouch so we wont hit our ceiling. So now, since we would have to raise our flooring once again, it means having to raise the roof as well.

When Papa mentioned to us his plan, we were all in agreement that it was the best thing. We were saddened because we love our house but in order for us to keep it for a long time we would have to make some changes and sacrifices now. It is going to cost a lot but I think its a small sacrifice to make for us to still be able to keep our house. I thought it was nothing major - raise the floor, raise the ceiling and add more flood control things. This was the picture that Papa made me see. He said nothing is going to change much. Our house will still look the same with certain additions. My brother will have his room again after his old one was made into my parents walk-in closet. Our (the girls) room will be bigger since our current room and the adjoining room will be made into one with our very own walk-in closet. Yay, something that I have always wanted. I gave Papa ideas of what my "ideal" closet looks like and he likes it too so he wants the same for their room. Aside from those basically it will be kept the same. After all they were still able to salvage at least 50% of the tiles, wood etc. The roof had to be replaced since it was still part of the original house which makes it 28 years old. The doors as well since water damage is very evident.

So I was surprised when Mama said that our house looked like a shell after the clearing. Okay what is that exactly? Then a friend mentioned to me that it seems something major is being done to our house. I still wasn't able to grasp it. That is until my sister posted pictures of our house or whatever is left of it.

(clockwise from top left: dining room, our room, the exterior)

I was shocked! This is not minor renovation. This is major! Its almost like we are building a new house but it will just look the same as what we have before. But I trust Papa's judgment. He told us that the result would be to our liking. Knowing my father, I know it will be. After all this is the same person who designed our dining set, bar, bar stools, gate, etc when he couldn't find any to his liking. Papa has really good taste when it comes to interior decoration and so does Mama. Plus, it helps that all of us pretty much are on the same page as to what we want the house to look like. I have confidence in him along with my uncles and cousins who are all engineers as well as to the architects that he has commissioned. Some of our relatives are wondering why Papa and Mama are making sure that we will like what the outcome would be since we are all grown-ups now and no telling who among us would go back home. But that's the thing, at least we know we still have a home to go back to when we want to. A home where we grew up in and have fond memories of. Though it may look new, at least we will be able to keep the memories and make new ones as well. Plus, did I mention that I am really happy about the walk-in closet in our room.

It is such a great feeling to be included in the decision making process of it all. We are in this as a family and that is great! Its a big sacrifice not only financially but also convenience wise. My parents are currently staying with an aunt who good thing lives only a few houses away so Mama is able to check the progress regularly. I have no doubt that our house will turn out nice and will still have the same "homey" vibe that people first notice and feel as soon as they step foot into it. I am actually excited about it. I just hope it will be done by our target date, May 2006.

Is this a sign?

You Are an Excellent Cook

You're a top cook, but you weren't born that way. It's taken a lot of practice, a lot of experimenting, and a lot of learning. It's likely that you have what it takes to be a top chef, should you have the desire...

Are You A Good Cook?

It's just the beginning

Nicco with his baby (??) sister

Last weekend was a proud one for our family. My only brother, Niccolo graduated from San Beda Law School. It was a culmination of four years of hardwork, sacrifices, blood, sweat and tears. I remember when my brother first told the family of his plan to enter law school, it was met with apprehension and doubt. We were not so sure how serious he was in pursuing this. This was coming from someone who was still sound asleep at 12 noon when he had a 1PM class in San Beda during his undergraduate studies. He was I guess confident because we lived just a few blocks away. Probably the harshest critic among all of us was our dad. Papa went to law school but work got in a way so he didn't finish it. He knew first hand what would entail if Nicco pursued this that was why Nicco really had to convince Papa that this is something that he would be sticking to. Papa made sure that it was not all just because of the title. Nicco had to really prove that he wanted to do this and follow it through. He took the entrance exams to law school, got accepted, graduated and now busy reviewing for the bar exams.

It must have been doubly hard for Nicco when he went into law school. He not only had to deal with his studies but at the same he had to prove something not only to himself but also to us his family. All of us are extremely proud of what he has accomplished so far but we are also probably the "reality" that he needs to make sure that things are kept in perspective. We push him to do his best and at the same time give him the biggest support that he needs. Papa may have been harsh at the start but his support was unwavering. His text messages and stories to me about the updates about Nicco speak volumes. It was only when he entered his 3rd year in law school that we were fully convinced that he was serious with this and from then on he has our utmost support.

I really believe that Nicco has what it takes to be a good lawyer. I think living with 3 sisters has prepared him in defending his case and making sure that he is heard. I admit, my sisters and I have been really harsh on him sometimes especially when it comes to life, clothes and his lovelife. I guess we manifest our love and concern that way. But the thing with Nicco is, not once did he take our ribbing seriously. To him it was just his sisters being well his sisters. If there is one thing that almost everyone, relatives and friends say about him is that he is nice. Even our high school teachers say that he is the nicest. Oh really!? But kidding aside I think he is nice but it doesn't mean that he is always like that. He has his moments too. Nicco is also probably the sweetest guy we know to a point that it can be nauseating to us his sisters. He is "malambing" to Papa, Mama, and to us as well. It is sometimes a funny sight because there is this big guy and he acts like a kid with Mama. I remember him complaining to me about this one time that he had gash on his face when he slipped on some rocks and Mama just told him "here is a tissue.". He actually wanted Mama to wipe the blood from his face. I laughed and told him that at least Mama gave him a tissue and didn't just tell him to get his own tissue. He may be nice. He may be sweet but I know he has what it takes to be a lawyer and be a good one.

The next six months are going to be tough as he reviews for the bar exams. But like when he was studying if there is one thing that he wouldn't have to worry about it's his family's support. He will have it 100% if not infinite. We would be there to cheer him on and to encourage him as he reviews. I am just glad that from the beginning he has surrounded himself with a group of friends who are also serious with this as he is. So that helps a lot too.

Congratulations dear brother! Good luck!

New version of you

Can you become

Can you become

A new version of you

New wallpaper

new shoe leather

a new way home

I don't remember

New version of you

I need a new version of me

This song is the theme from the tv show Felicity. As I was watched the teasers before this tv show premiered, I knew that this was one show I would be watching. I guess because at that time I closely identified with the character of Felicity. She was embarking on a journey of her life...college, while I was embarking on a journey of my own, well I still am. I was in that crossroad in my life to make a change, not clear whether it was for the better or not. All I knew was I needed to do something to find out what it is that I want out of life and what I want out of myself.

I cannot say that I was a loyal watcher. Maybe the first 2 seasons I was. I just watched the final 2 seasons sporadically but I can still follow the story. Felicity left the comforts of home to go to a school that was in the opposite side of the country. In part it was because of a boy but I think as time progressed it was starting to become apparent that she did it for herself as well. But the point is she took a risk and accepted whatever it was that was going to meet her along her journey. By the end of the series, Felicity was no longer the same freshman that first stepped into my tv screen. Thus, I think it was very appropriate that the theme song of the show would be "new version of you".

Like Felicity, I left the comforts of home to go to college in Manila. Being the eldest, it was tough. I was entering a world that was totally new to me. It would be a hit or miss of sorts. This was the reason why I made a conscious decision then that studies would be my top priority and every thing else was just going to be distractions. I never regretted that decision and I still feel that way. This way of thinking prompted my cousin to say that I was so serious about life. That I needed to loosen up. But at that time I did what I thought I had to do. I still take life seriously now but I think I have made adjustments as well to enjoy it while I still can because today is all we have. I cannot be hung up on the past since its behind me nor think about the future since I do not have an idea what it would be like. All I have is today and that is what I am going to focus on.

They say that the one constant thing in this world is change. But I think it is also the same thing that people are scared of. I know I am. I am scared of changing who I am, of forgetting who I am. Changing means shaking the equilibrium that I have built for myself all these years. I think when we have built a world that we are comfortable in, we would really want to keep it that way. Once we have built our very own bubble, we are scared to venture away from it. But then we are hindering ourselves from learning when we do that. But do we really change or like what the song said we just "need a new version of me"? When I turned a year older this year, I remembered this song. It has been awhile since I last saw an episode of Felicity or have heard of this song but for some reasons I thought of it, if not the day of my birthday, the days after it. I had visions of clearing away my closet for clothes that I thought I must not wear anymore, thought of changing my hair. Aside from the hair part, I haven't done it but it continues to plague my thoughts and I am thinking that maybe I should look deeply and find "a new version of me". Who or what is the "new version of me"? I am not sure yet but I am slowly discovering it. I do not mean total abandonment of the person that I have become. I am who I am today because of the people I have met, experiences - both good and bad that I have been through, trials, challenges, failures, triumphs, disappointments, happiness, sadness, heartaches that I have been through and will still be facing. But I think just do what I want to do without having to worry of what others will say or do something and worry about it later. What have I thought of so far?

• start writing again. May it be poetry, essay, short story, anything. I have equated not writing to not feeling and I don't want to be that way. Even if I am not in my best of moods, I still would want to write because at least I know that I still have feelings and not totally apathetic.
• rediscover cooking and baking, who knows enroll in culinary school finally. I have been sent a brochure and each time I see the ad on tv, my yearning grows. I don't plan to make a career out of it. Its just my passion.
• save up so I can live on my own and bring my sister along. Living with relatives has its good and bad points but at this point in my life I would want to stay away from the people that sometimes make me question who I am and what I am. I would like to be comfortable and happy rather than being sensitive and understanding of other people's feelings. Papa was right I have to start thinking of "me" first rather than other people.
• Travel by myself. Well, maybe go to place where I may know someone but discover the place on my own. I always do the "touristy" thing but I don't think I truly know the place. No specific place in mind yet.
• Learn photography. I have the perfect camera already in mind. Just need to buy it (still saving) and start learning.
• Start dressing my age. It seems shallow but I think the reason people don't believe how old I am is because of the way I dress.
• In one of my "crazy" days, I have thought of getting a tattoo LOL. A small one. A heart, a dolphin, a flower, anything small. I used to want it in my lower back but now I want it in the inside of my ankle. I think that is the ultimate rebellion for people who know me but then again this is not about rebellion but about a new version of me. So that is still questionable plus the fact that I am deathly scared of needles. That is one factor I have to consider. Maybe compromise and get a henna tattoo one instead. At least I got that out of the way.

We will see.