Wednesday, March 23, 2005
Finally...
After a long time of hoping and wishing for an event-free weekend, I finally had one last weekend. It was the first weekend with no planned family activities. I do not mind family things but it can really get tiring after some time. After my cousin's 18th birthday and celebration of my late Lolo's birthday, I just hoped for a weekend wherein I can do whatever I feel like doing or not do anything at all.
Small world
I met up with new-found friends (Isy & Raye) on Saturday. Just a day of eating, talking about movies we have watched (usually Filipino and Korean ones), series that we are obssessed with, and life. I met them through a fan community online and they are such a nice group of people. They made me feel welcomed right away. If my long-time friends will be asked, I was not the type who was very open or who befriends just about anyone. I have had the same friends since grade school and high school. But, lately I have met quite a few and found myself having a lot of things in common with them. Through blogging, I also have reconnected with a few people who were probably mere acquiantances in the past or faces in the crowd. It makes me wonder sometimes why didn't this happen when we could have talked face to face. Then I realized, I was a different person then than I am now. Or we just didn't seize the opportunity then or there was no opportunity at all. It's great to be able to have that opportunity now and grabbing it for we wouldn't know what we might be missing in our lives. There are also the people who I have not been properly introduced but I can relate to them and them to me. People come to our lives for a reason. The people that we meet along our journey introduces us to a new world. It is now a small world and its getting smaller by a second. We are interconnected with one another more than we know. I am just happy that I have gone out of my "comfort zone" had I not, I do not think I will evolve more as a person.
Small world
I met up with new-found friends (Isy & Raye) on Saturday. Just a day of eating, talking about movies we have watched (usually Filipino and Korean ones), series that we are obssessed with, and life. I met them through a fan community online and they are such a nice group of people. They made me feel welcomed right away. If my long-time friends will be asked, I was not the type who was very open or who befriends just about anyone. I have had the same friends since grade school and high school. But, lately I have met quite a few and found myself having a lot of things in common with them. Through blogging, I also have reconnected with a few people who were probably mere acquiantances in the past or faces in the crowd. It makes me wonder sometimes why didn't this happen when we could have talked face to face. Then I realized, I was a different person then than I am now. Or we just didn't seize the opportunity then or there was no opportunity at all. It's great to be able to have that opportunity now and grabbing it for we wouldn't know what we might be missing in our lives. There are also the people who I have not been properly introduced but I can relate to them and them to me. People come to our lives for a reason. The people that we meet along our journey introduces us to a new world. It is now a small world and its getting smaller by a second. We are interconnected with one another more than we know. I am just happy that I have gone out of my "comfort zone" had I not, I do not think I will evolve more as a person.
The Power Of Now
I bought a book last Saturday titled "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle. (I wish I can put the link but Blogger won't let me for some reasons) I will admit that reading about the author from People Magazine was what made me get the book. I think it is so profound that one was able to find enlightenment from a rather sad point in his life and he is sharing it with whoever is willing to listen. I have not finished the book. But so far it has been quite interesting. I have not made notes from the book but there was one poignant message that he is trying to convey: that we think too much that we become a slave of our mind. That got me thinking but haven't had the change to really absorb the entire book or the pages that I have read so far. I may need to find my quiet place first before I can truly enjoy the book. I will discuss the book more in the future once I have grasp it fully.
Wednesday, March 16, 2005
Lost
I was going through a collection of poems that I have written over the years. I already have a pretty big collection not including the ones I wrote in high school. Which reminds me, I have to ask my mom to look around our house for that blue folder that holds them. as I was reading these poems, this one poem I came across and it made me think of what I was going through when I wrote it. It even looks unfinished. Maybe the reason why it is unfinished is because I feel I still have a lot to do in this lifetime. Maybe I need to live more in order to finish it.
From time to time I still feel like I am headed to destination nowhere. There are days that I question where I am, what am I doing in this life. I left my family in the Philippines because I was searching. It may sound cliche' but I feel I need to find myself..my purpose in this life..my own place under the sun. I have not found it yet and I am still searching. I feel lost from time to time.
From time to time I still feel like I am headed to destination nowhere. There are days that I question where I am, what am I doing in this life. I left my family in the Philippines because I was searching. It may sound cliche' but I feel I need to find myself..my purpose in this life..my own place under the sun. I have not found it yet and I am still searching. I feel lost from time to time.
Have you ever felt
Like a bubble in the wind
Floating aimlessly
As the world changes beneath
Have you ever felt
Like an apple amidst the oranges
Not a whole lot different
Yet still out of place
Have you ever felt
Like a shell on a stranded beach
Watching the tides' highs and lows
Yet somehow stuck to the sand
Have you ever felt
Like a rainbow after the rain
An array of vibrant colors
Yet at times an arc half full
Have you ever felt
Like the sun during a solar eclipse
The rays to its maximum strength
Yet overshadowed by darkness
Have you ever felt
Like a song on the radio
Played endlessly
Is someone listening, no one knows.
Have you ever felt
Like a piece in a puzzle
Without your tiny self
The picture just doesn't seem to gel.
Like a bubble in the wind
Floating aimlessly
As the world changes beneath
Have you ever felt
Like an apple amidst the oranges
Not a whole lot different
Yet still out of place
Have you ever felt
Like a shell on a stranded beach
Watching the tides' highs and lows
Yet somehow stuck to the sand
Have you ever felt
Like a rainbow after the rain
An array of vibrant colors
Yet at times an arc half full
Have you ever felt
Like the sun during a solar eclipse
The rays to its maximum strength
Yet overshadowed by darkness
Have you ever felt
Like a song on the radio
Played endlessly
Is someone listening, no one knows.
Have you ever felt
Like a piece in a puzzle
Without your tiny self
The picture just doesn't seem to gel.
Maybe it is okay to feel lost once in awhile. It is in being lost that we are able to find ways to go back to the path that we have started on. I think it is okay to get sidetracked because we pick up pieces along the way that will help us in our journey. Maybe being lost is part of the journey. Being lost seems scary and daunting and yet maybe it is a good thing because we learn our way back.
Monday, March 14, 2005
This and that
My weekend was a slew of family activities once again. It has been for the past couple of weeks. Not that I am complaining but I hardly remember a weekend wherein I have nothing planned. So far, as soon as it became 2005, my weekends have been an endless schedule of activities. Maybe this coming weekend will be my opportunity to look back at the past weeks and ponder on them.
Socio-civic
I have not been one who was into joining religious organizations. Nothing against people who do but I just don't feel it is something for me. I was more into socio-civic organizations like my father. So, I welcomed with great anticipation that news I got last Saturday that the An Taclobanon Association of Southern California is planning to establish a charter group of the younger members of the organization. This idea has crossed my mind countless times before when I was not totally solved in the direction that the association was going to. At one point, I was even ready to organize my own but for some reasons I didn't do it. I had a lot of ideas but I dare not say them since I was not a member, my relatives are. I did not bother joining either. Why would I join if I do not echo it's sentiments. My aunts and uncles were the founding members but through the years their participation has waned for some reasons. My uncle and I did have a pact that we will be active once again if we believe in the projects that they are going to be initiating.
So I was really elated that there is a move to make the youth more involved after all they are or I mean we are the ones who will carry the legacy of the association as well as we can inject new ideas into the organization. Having a separate group means that the parent association will be more than willing to listen to suggestions from the younger set and see its fruition. I still have to attend a meeting but I am excited. Right now I have not made any attempt to contact the people from Tacloban that I know (who may be more than the current number of members at this point) pending more information that I need to make that announcement. I just hope and pray that this isn't a "start 'em, leave 'em" thing" or else I may really be inclined to start my own and rival them. LOL
"Young Love, Sweet Love"
That was a show popular back when I was in high school I believe. I feel as if I am watching it again but this time I don't need a TV, all I need is just to listen to my cousin's stories. She just turned 18, technically, per her mom's order or request, whichever angle you want to view it, she is not allowed to have a boyfriend YET. She can hang out with her guy friends as long as its a group thing. So anyway, I don't know if I am being a nice and supportive cousin. I shouldn't be encouraging her at all because if my aunt finds out my head will be on the chopping block. But I cannot discourage her either. I am the only one close to a sibling she has. So there I was listening to her stories. She has grown up to be a pretty, young lady so of course there a few guys interested in her. But like the song of the group Smokey Mountain, "Kung sinong mahal mo, siyang ayaw sa iyo!" It is somewhat her life. She likes this guy who seems to like her back but does not seem like he is making any effort to get to know her more. There is always dead silence and awkward moments. My cousin is always the making an effort to start the conversation. According to her, he does sometimes but apparently it isn't enough since I can sense the frustration in my cousin's voice. He is not giving her enough to work on. As if she is walking on eggshells all the time because she does not who what topics are okay and what are off-limits. Most of the time my cousin is putting in 3/4 while the remaining 1/4 is his contribution or sometimes less. That is frustrating and irritating and that is the feeling that I get from my cousin. But being the nice cousin that I am, I just listen but this guy is not at all getting my vote as each day passes. Too bad for him. LOL
I tried to at least play "devil's advocate" so that maybe she will realize that she should not close her doors into getting to know other guys who are making an effort to get to know her. She is a nice kid and worth knowing. If this guy that she likes does not realize that then someone else will, only if she gives them a chance. ::sigh:: kids of today nga naman!
Socio-civic
I have not been one who was into joining religious organizations. Nothing against people who do but I just don't feel it is something for me. I was more into socio-civic organizations like my father. So, I welcomed with great anticipation that news I got last Saturday that the An Taclobanon Association of Southern California is planning to establish a charter group of the younger members of the organization. This idea has crossed my mind countless times before when I was not totally solved in the direction that the association was going to. At one point, I was even ready to organize my own but for some reasons I didn't do it. I had a lot of ideas but I dare not say them since I was not a member, my relatives are. I did not bother joining either. Why would I join if I do not echo it's sentiments. My aunts and uncles were the founding members but through the years their participation has waned for some reasons. My uncle and I did have a pact that we will be active once again if we believe in the projects that they are going to be initiating.
So I was really elated that there is a move to make the youth more involved after all they are or I mean we are the ones who will carry the legacy of the association as well as we can inject new ideas into the organization. Having a separate group means that the parent association will be more than willing to listen to suggestions from the younger set and see its fruition. I still have to attend a meeting but I am excited. Right now I have not made any attempt to contact the people from Tacloban that I know (who may be more than the current number of members at this point) pending more information that I need to make that announcement. I just hope and pray that this isn't a "start 'em, leave 'em" thing" or else I may really be inclined to start my own and rival them. LOL
"Young Love, Sweet Love"
That was a show popular back when I was in high school I believe. I feel as if I am watching it again but this time I don't need a TV, all I need is just to listen to my cousin's stories. She just turned 18, technically, per her mom's order or request, whichever angle you want to view it, she is not allowed to have a boyfriend YET. She can hang out with her guy friends as long as its a group thing. So anyway, I don't know if I am being a nice and supportive cousin. I shouldn't be encouraging her at all because if my aunt finds out my head will be on the chopping block. But I cannot discourage her either. I am the only one close to a sibling she has. So there I was listening to her stories. She has grown up to be a pretty, young lady so of course there a few guys interested in her. But like the song of the group Smokey Mountain, "Kung sinong mahal mo, siyang ayaw sa iyo!" It is somewhat her life. She likes this guy who seems to like her back but does not seem like he is making any effort to get to know her more. There is always dead silence and awkward moments. My cousin is always the making an effort to start the conversation. According to her, he does sometimes but apparently it isn't enough since I can sense the frustration in my cousin's voice. He is not giving her enough to work on. As if she is walking on eggshells all the time because she does not who what topics are okay and what are off-limits. Most of the time my cousin is putting in 3/4 while the remaining 1/4 is his contribution or sometimes less. That is frustrating and irritating and that is the feeling that I get from my cousin. But being the nice cousin that I am, I just listen but this guy is not at all getting my vote as each day passes. Too bad for him. LOL
I tried to at least play "devil's advocate" so that maybe she will realize that she should not close her doors into getting to know other guys who are making an effort to get to know her. She is a nice kid and worth knowing. If this guy that she likes does not realize that then someone else will, only if she gives them a chance. ::sigh:: kids of today nga naman!
Friday, March 11, 2005
Life in a Fish Bowl
I spent a good amount of time staring at the fish tank that my aunt has at their house. It is well made with live corals, 2 clownfish (reminiscent of Nemo) and 3 of those blue fish that are not Dori. Those who watched "Finding Nemo" knows what I am talking about. It was a surprise to me that I was so enthralled as I watched these fishes live in this place that is not exactly home but it is near to home that they can ever be. They clamored along with the other habitats of the tank for food. I even saw once when one of the clownfish and one of those blue fish were butting heads, fighting for food. I was particularly protective of the clownfish, I don't know why! Maybe it was all because of the movie or maybe because the clownfish was minding its own business and the blue one just attacked him. I cheer for the underdog.
As I was gazing at the marvel before me, it got me thinking.. so this is how it is to live life in a fish bowl. I wondered what the clownfish was feeling fully aware that I was watching its every move. Hurt? Scared? Puzzled? Wondering why? Happy? Sad? Oblivious? I think, maybe the reason why I was protective of the clownfish was because it reminded me of me. I didn't have to ask the clownfish what it felt like, I just had to look at myself to know what it felt like because I know that there have been times that I felt like I live in a fish bowl myself. People are gawking on who I am, what I do, where I am...pretty much like myself as I was looking at the clownfish.
Living in a small city with a family name that a lot of people know is much like living in a fish bowl. People are quick to judge on who they think I am. Quick to misinterpret my every actions when all I am doing is living my life. Sometimes, on alert to see when I will commit a mistake in order for them to talk about it. I have not been one to be so concerned about what other people think of me. I have been misjudged as "suplada" and "mataray" just because I am not quick to say hello to every person I cross my paths with. Why should I when I do not know them! I never let it bother me then and definitely not now. Funny thing is, as people get to know me now, they realize that I am not as half as bad as they thought I was. I am frank to some degree yes and that bothers some people. I have opinions and I do not hesitate to express them. I do not see anything wrong with that. I will be who I want to be. Besides, the only opinions that matter to me are those of my family and friends who need not gawk to know me. Those who see way beyond what their eyes allow them to see. They are the ones that matter to me and no one else.
But it cannot be denied that there are still people who find my life so fascinating no matter how mundane or boring I think it is. There are some who look at my life as a source of their entertainment. I can just imagine how uneventful their life may be to find mine so entertaining. But it has been part of my reality that I have learned to accept and live with. I cannot allow myself to be consumed by it because it does not seem like it is going to change any time soon. Why fight it when I can just live with it no matter how much I disagree or how much it makes me uncomfortable, just like the clownfish in that small tank of psuedo-saltwater.
Going back to the clownfish, I don't stare that much anymore. I just let the fish live its life the best way it can considering the limitations that has been presented to it. The fish seem to adjust to its new found way of life, I might as well with mine. Not much to do but adapt. In time, people will get tired and eventually stop gawking. Until then, live life to the fullest because we never know until when we will have it.
As I was gazing at the marvel before me, it got me thinking.. so this is how it is to live life in a fish bowl. I wondered what the clownfish was feeling fully aware that I was watching its every move. Hurt? Scared? Puzzled? Wondering why? Happy? Sad? Oblivious? I think, maybe the reason why I was protective of the clownfish was because it reminded me of me. I didn't have to ask the clownfish what it felt like, I just had to look at myself to know what it felt like because I know that there have been times that I felt like I live in a fish bowl myself. People are gawking on who I am, what I do, where I am...pretty much like myself as I was looking at the clownfish.
Living in a small city with a family name that a lot of people know is much like living in a fish bowl. People are quick to judge on who they think I am. Quick to misinterpret my every actions when all I am doing is living my life. Sometimes, on alert to see when I will commit a mistake in order for them to talk about it. I have not been one to be so concerned about what other people think of me. I have been misjudged as "suplada" and "mataray" just because I am not quick to say hello to every person I cross my paths with. Why should I when I do not know them! I never let it bother me then and definitely not now. Funny thing is, as people get to know me now, they realize that I am not as half as bad as they thought I was. I am frank to some degree yes and that bothers some people. I have opinions and I do not hesitate to express them. I do not see anything wrong with that. I will be who I want to be. Besides, the only opinions that matter to me are those of my family and friends who need not gawk to know me. Those who see way beyond what their eyes allow them to see. They are the ones that matter to me and no one else.
But it cannot be denied that there are still people who find my life so fascinating no matter how mundane or boring I think it is. There are some who look at my life as a source of their entertainment. I can just imagine how uneventful their life may be to find mine so entertaining. But it has been part of my reality that I have learned to accept and live with. I cannot allow myself to be consumed by it because it does not seem like it is going to change any time soon. Why fight it when I can just live with it no matter how much I disagree or how much it makes me uncomfortable, just like the clownfish in that small tank of psuedo-saltwater.
Going back to the clownfish, I don't stare that much anymore. I just let the fish live its life the best way it can considering the limitations that has been presented to it. The fish seem to adjust to its new found way of life, I might as well with mine. Not much to do but adapt. In time, people will get tired and eventually stop gawking. Until then, live life to the fullest because we never know until when we will have it.
Friday, March 04, 2005
Don't Need To But Want To
First Born
I am the eldest of four (3 girls, 1 boy). I have been told that I take my birth order seriously. I agree to some degree I do. My friends have told me that I am the "perfect 'Ate' ". Whatever that means. I will admit, I was never one to give my parents a headache. In fact, I tried to hide whatever sadness or heartaches I may have felt because I figured my parents need not be bothered by it. They already have enough worries to think about I don't need to add to it. It wasn't anything big anyway, just trivial things especially during the teen years. I've never been one to rebel because nothing good is going to come out of it. There were times though that I felt like it especially when I get reprimanded for something they did and yet when I did something against my parents wishes, I get reprimanded alone. Being the eldest, I carried the burden of making sure that I lead by example. I made sure that I did well in school, I followed house rules and as much as possible give them as little a problem as possible. There were times that I wanted to give up but I couldn't... wouldn't. It was tough but I endured it all because not only I had to but I wanted to.
Some of my actions and decisions have not been favorable to some of my siblings, especially my sister who came after me. In birth order, the 2nd eldest does carry the burden as well of either shadowing the older sibling or competing and going the other way. I think my sister is doing latter. I feel sometimes that I am partly to blame why she is acting out. I feel that she resents me so much, although I don't know why or if she even should. When she would have her way, no way did I feel that I should be given the same privilege but it does not seem that way with me. I don't like competing with her. I have never been good with competing with other people which has been an issue with my dad before. I competed with myself because I want to be better than what I am during that particular time. For me competing with others means that I want to be better than others. I did not want that. I have always tried to be fair to her no matter how much she makes it difficult for me. Apparently it seems that no matter how much I try, it is not enough.
I have made some life decisions that in some ways were kind of unfair to me but I didn't wallow in it. When I was in college, I made a conscious decision not to be in a relationship because I felt that it was just going to be a distraction from my studies. In my mind I thought, 'there was no way I was going to fail or be sidetracked". I realized that I was going to be the first one to "swim in this vast ocean called life" and I felt that if I drown, my siblings will drown with me. It was a tough road but I persisted because I felt this was expected of me. My parents never forced me to make that decision, I made that decision myself and I don't resent it one bit. I am not going to penalize my siblings just because I made a decision then which may have changed the course of my life. I made the decision and I am taking responsibility for it. If along the way, it turned out to be a not so favorable decision then it is one lesson learned but I am not going to put the blame on my siblings.
Being the eldest, I feel that we are put in a position wherein we want to be dutiful children to our parents at the same time allowing our siblings to be their own persons. But the conflict lies when what the siblings perceive as "coming of their own" is hurtful and disrespectful to our parents. Where then do I put myself? I did not want to tattle on my siblings and yet I did not want to lie to my parents either. I was caught between a rock and a wall. I don't think the younger siblings know and realize how much of a burden we carry with being an eldest. I do not resent being one but there were times that I wished I wasn't one.
I hope my siblings would cut me some slack on why I am the way I am. I do not expect them to build a statue in my honor or shower me with accolades. All I want is a little consideration, respect and maybe empathy. I did not ask to be born first, but I am dealing with it the best that I can. I am taking on my role the best that I can based on what I know. There is no handbook out there to guide me and I am learning as I go along. If I made mistakes call my attention but do not turn cold on me and treat me like I am the biggest villain in their lives. I wish that they can have a day in my shoes and see how it feels like. Then they can tell me if I have the best of everything.
I am the eldest of four (3 girls, 1 boy). I have been told that I take my birth order seriously. I agree to some degree I do. My friends have told me that I am the "perfect 'Ate' ". Whatever that means. I will admit, I was never one to give my parents a headache. In fact, I tried to hide whatever sadness or heartaches I may have felt because I figured my parents need not be bothered by it. They already have enough worries to think about I don't need to add to it. It wasn't anything big anyway, just trivial things especially during the teen years. I've never been one to rebel because nothing good is going to come out of it. There were times though that I felt like it especially when I get reprimanded for something they did and yet when I did something against my parents wishes, I get reprimanded alone. Being the eldest, I carried the burden of making sure that I lead by example. I made sure that I did well in school, I followed house rules and as much as possible give them as little a problem as possible. There were times that I wanted to give up but I couldn't... wouldn't. It was tough but I endured it all because not only I had to but I wanted to.
Some of my actions and decisions have not been favorable to some of my siblings, especially my sister who came after me. In birth order, the 2nd eldest does carry the burden as well of either shadowing the older sibling or competing and going the other way. I think my sister is doing latter. I feel sometimes that I am partly to blame why she is acting out. I feel that she resents me so much, although I don't know why or if she even should. When she would have her way, no way did I feel that I should be given the same privilege but it does not seem that way with me. I don't like competing with her. I have never been good with competing with other people which has been an issue with my dad before. I competed with myself because I want to be better than what I am during that particular time. For me competing with others means that I want to be better than others. I did not want that. I have always tried to be fair to her no matter how much she makes it difficult for me. Apparently it seems that no matter how much I try, it is not enough.
I have made some life decisions that in some ways were kind of unfair to me but I didn't wallow in it. When I was in college, I made a conscious decision not to be in a relationship because I felt that it was just going to be a distraction from my studies. In my mind I thought, 'there was no way I was going to fail or be sidetracked". I realized that I was going to be the first one to "swim in this vast ocean called life" and I felt that if I drown, my siblings will drown with me. It was a tough road but I persisted because I felt this was expected of me. My parents never forced me to make that decision, I made that decision myself and I don't resent it one bit. I am not going to penalize my siblings just because I made a decision then which may have changed the course of my life. I made the decision and I am taking responsibility for it. If along the way, it turned out to be a not so favorable decision then it is one lesson learned but I am not going to put the blame on my siblings.
Being the eldest, I feel that we are put in a position wherein we want to be dutiful children to our parents at the same time allowing our siblings to be their own persons. But the conflict lies when what the siblings perceive as "coming of their own" is hurtful and disrespectful to our parents. Where then do I put myself? I did not want to tattle on my siblings and yet I did not want to lie to my parents either. I was caught between a rock and a wall. I don't think the younger siblings know and realize how much of a burden we carry with being an eldest. I do not resent being one but there were times that I wished I wasn't one.
I hope my siblings would cut me some slack on why I am the way I am. I do not expect them to build a statue in my honor or shower me with accolades. All I want is a little consideration, respect and maybe empathy. I did not ask to be born first, but I am dealing with it the best that I can. I am taking on my role the best that I can based on what I know. There is no handbook out there to guide me and I am learning as I go along. If I made mistakes call my attention but do not turn cold on me and treat me like I am the biggest villain in their lives. I wish that they can have a day in my shoes and see how it feels like. Then they can tell me if I have the best of everything.
Thursday, March 03, 2005
A good laugh
It has been my daily routine when I get to work to go online and read the Philippine newspapers. Three news dailies in the Philippines have a space in My Favorites - Philippine Star, Philippine Daily Inquirer and Malaya. I used to also read The Manila Times but since Mark Macapagal stopped writing his column, I have stopped reading that newspaper all together. Anyway, the headline in Philippine Star made me laugh. It said: Congressmen: Abolish Senate Senators: Abolish House! Senator Miriam Defensor-Santiago made an even better suggestion - abolish both all together!
It seems that Congressmen/women were a bit disgruntled with the Senate approval of the 2005 national budget without going through a bicameral conference committee. Actually, in my opinion it was just a glorified term for the congressmen not happy that their pork barrel will remain the same. When GMA announced that the country was in fiscal crisis, some Senators were quick to give up part of their "pork barrel" but the congressmen were not so quick.
It's so laughable that the congressmen are acting like spoiled kids who were not given the correct amount of allowance supposedly due them. I actually have no problem with them having their pork barrels but I just wish that it is being used to those who need it the most...their constituents. These congressmen or maybe politicians in general should take into consideration the state of the country and see if an increase or the same amount of pork barrel is even feasible. I mean the entire country is languishing in poverty and the people are trying to make the most of their situation and here are our congressmen who should be looking out for us are complaining that they will not be getting enough. They already take up a big chunk of the national budget when most of them are just sleeping, what more do they want. I really do not know how we can expect our country to progress when the very same people who should be helping are the same ones making our country sink even more. Go Figure!
It seems that Congressmen/women were a bit disgruntled with the Senate approval of the 2005 national budget without going through a bicameral conference committee. Actually, in my opinion it was just a glorified term for the congressmen not happy that their pork barrel will remain the same. When GMA announced that the country was in fiscal crisis, some Senators were quick to give up part of their "pork barrel" but the congressmen were not so quick.
It's so laughable that the congressmen are acting like spoiled kids who were not given the correct amount of allowance supposedly due them. I actually have no problem with them having their pork barrels but I just wish that it is being used to those who need it the most...their constituents. These congressmen or maybe politicians in general should take into consideration the state of the country and see if an increase or the same amount of pork barrel is even feasible. I mean the entire country is languishing in poverty and the people are trying to make the most of their situation and here are our congressmen who should be looking out for us are complaining that they will not be getting enough. They already take up a big chunk of the national budget when most of them are just sleeping, what more do they want. I really do not know how we can expect our country to progress when the very same people who should be helping are the same ones making our country sink even more. Go Figure!
Wednesday, March 02, 2005
Post Valentines Rant
Been In Love?
Have I been in love? I have been asked this question countless times and most often than not I have no definitive answer to give. At first it was because I was avoiding the follow-up question of "who is it?" The other times, I just chose not to say anything because I don't know myself if I have been in love.
What is being in love mean? What are the signs and symptoms of being in love? Sure, I have been told before that I am but when I ask if how they can tell, answers have never been more vague. Looking back, I think and feel that I have been in love. Maybe during those times I didn't say anything because of the dreaded follow up question or just plain and simple it is not something that I have to announce to the entire world. Its something that I would rather keep to myself I guess.
The guy is someone I have known for a long time. At times, maybe too long, but I didn't look at it as a problem. I don't think we were even in an exclusive relationship. I guess it was one of those "mutual understanding" kinds, juvenile as it may sound. Still, he served as an inspiration when I needed one. At times, he was a convenient excuse to drive away suitors who I didn't want to give a time of day to, always worked like a charm. However, maybe it wasn't much of a good thing too because it some cases, it may have driven away prospective suitors who may have what it takes to grab my attention. I guess during those times, my whole consciousness was filled by the thoughts of one guy in particular so I didn't bother with the other when I should have. Now I wonder if he was even worth it all these times.
Don't get me wrong he is a nice guy. We still talk once in awhile. From time to time, I get an email or a text or if I am lucky a phone call. But it has never been consistent. He lives in the opposite end to where I am so in some ways, it is a long distance thing. He does have plans of moving to California in the near future but I am not sure if I fit anywhere in those plans. He does ask how far I am from I guess places that he is considering. One of them is really close but I do not know how convinced he is to move to that place. That is if it means anything. I do not know. Actually at this point, I couldn't care anymore but it sure would be nice if it turns out for the best for us but I am not holding my breath.
Intertwined Lives
How is it possible that you have your own life and so do I and yet our lives are still intertwined? We have been in this game for so long when is this going to end? I know in my heart that waiting for nothing is insane. But I am not waiting for nothing but then again I may be waiting for something as well. I guess I had resigned to the fact that our paths may cross frequently yet will not meet at one point at the same time. I have no illusions or delusions of having a romantic relationship with you. Our friends may not understand or believe it but I do feel that way. How long I am going to feel like this? I have no idea. All I know right now is that I have confined myself into being your friend. I just hope you have as well. Our friends have trouble believing whatever I say. I think they are looking for concrete proof that I have indeed moved on with my life. The only concrete proof that they can think of is for me to be with someone. I think that is a rather dumb move to make. I have no plans of being with somebody just to prove that I am over you…that I have better things to do. That is not fair to the other person and it is not fair for me either. Who knows in time I will meet that person and you will be resigned to a place of oblivion. Though I doubt that! You have been an integral part of my life I don’t think being involved with other people is going to change that. Well at least I can hope it won’t. But who knows what the future will bring. I think a pretty secure individual would be needed to be able to fully understand, grasp and accept the whole situation that we may have separate paths but we will still find a way to cross each other at some points in our lives.
Have I been in love? I have been asked this question countless times and most often than not I have no definitive answer to give. At first it was because I was avoiding the follow-up question of "who is it?" The other times, I just chose not to say anything because I don't know myself if I have been in love.
What is being in love mean? What are the signs and symptoms of being in love? Sure, I have been told before that I am but when I ask if how they can tell, answers have never been more vague. Looking back, I think and feel that I have been in love. Maybe during those times I didn't say anything because of the dreaded follow up question or just plain and simple it is not something that I have to announce to the entire world. Its something that I would rather keep to myself I guess.
The guy is someone I have known for a long time. At times, maybe too long, but I didn't look at it as a problem. I don't think we were even in an exclusive relationship. I guess it was one of those "mutual understanding" kinds, juvenile as it may sound. Still, he served as an inspiration when I needed one. At times, he was a convenient excuse to drive away suitors who I didn't want to give a time of day to, always worked like a charm. However, maybe it wasn't much of a good thing too because it some cases, it may have driven away prospective suitors who may have what it takes to grab my attention. I guess during those times, my whole consciousness was filled by the thoughts of one guy in particular so I didn't bother with the other when I should have. Now I wonder if he was even worth it all these times.
Don't get me wrong he is a nice guy. We still talk once in awhile. From time to time, I get an email or a text or if I am lucky a phone call. But it has never been consistent. He lives in the opposite end to where I am so in some ways, it is a long distance thing. He does have plans of moving to California in the near future but I am not sure if I fit anywhere in those plans. He does ask how far I am from I guess places that he is considering. One of them is really close but I do not know how convinced he is to move to that place. That is if it means anything. I do not know. Actually at this point, I couldn't care anymore but it sure would be nice if it turns out for the best for us but I am not holding my breath.
Intertwined Lives
How is it possible that you have your own life and so do I and yet our lives are still intertwined? We have been in this game for so long when is this going to end? I know in my heart that waiting for nothing is insane. But I am not waiting for nothing but then again I may be waiting for something as well. I guess I had resigned to the fact that our paths may cross frequently yet will not meet at one point at the same time. I have no illusions or delusions of having a romantic relationship with you. Our friends may not understand or believe it but I do feel that way. How long I am going to feel like this? I have no idea. All I know right now is that I have confined myself into being your friend. I just hope you have as well. Our friends have trouble believing whatever I say. I think they are looking for concrete proof that I have indeed moved on with my life. The only concrete proof that they can think of is for me to be with someone. I think that is a rather dumb move to make. I have no plans of being with somebody just to prove that I am over you…that I have better things to do. That is not fair to the other person and it is not fair for me either. Who knows in time I will meet that person and you will be resigned to a place of oblivion. Though I doubt that! You have been an integral part of my life I don’t think being involved with other people is going to change that. Well at least I can hope it won’t. But who knows what the future will bring. I think a pretty secure individual would be needed to be able to fully understand, grasp and accept the whole situation that we may have separate paths but we will still find a way to cross each other at some points in our lives.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)