In love....or in lust?

I have expressed my deep love for gladiator sandals here. I love it so much that I am really thinking long and hard about getting the authentic ones. Its one of the trends for Spring. But trendy or not, I have always loved gladiator shoes since I was young. I don't know how many I have owned. Its just my luck that the trend from last season is here to stay. Not only do I still get to wear what I still have but there are still more to pick from. I admit some of the designs available are way out there and before I even think of coveting one I have to see how it looks on me. But so far, two have caught my attention. One from NineWest and one from Schu. The NineWest I am waiting for it to be in stores, while the Schu ones I have asked my sister to check it out for me with an even exchange of course. For the meantime, I have these pictures to look and stare at.

Another thing that I am loving (or lusting) is this track jacket from Adidas. I first read about it from Mina and now both of us are in dire search for it. She told me that its out of stock from the stores here in the US and in the Philippines. Our only choice would be any other Asian country. She mentioned Singapore, so I am reminding my cousins and friends in this island nation that my birthday is coming up. I saw it on eBay but the only size available is either a large or an extra-large which is well just too big for me. Papa is going to an Asian country soon and might bring Mama along. I have told him about it and he said to email to him a picture of it. Better yet I am posting it here and this is one of those times that I will not mind that my parents read my blog or my sister lets them.

Just add a pair of shorts and a nice tee to these two and you have a cute summer outfit.

How this flu season was/is for me

I sound like New Year and 4th of July combined. My throat and chest hurts from coughing so much. I still sound horrible.

My sinuses hurt so bad it stings. My left eye hurts and I don't know why.

During the height of my fever, heat would actually come out of my eyes and steam my eye glasses. My room is usually the coldest one in the house being in a corner but I actually have to crack my window a little bit and don't wear socks. Thank goodness my fever is gone but my head still hurts because of my cold.

My nostrils are irritated from all that tissue rubbing and it hurts so bad. I had to make a choice between moisturizer and vaporub. I was heavily congested so I had to sleep through the stinging feeling by putting vaporub on my nostrils. Its not the best feeling in the world but at least I was able to sleep. I have this aversion to nighttime medications to relieve congestion because I have this paranoia of not waking up. I'd rather put vaporub and elevate my head to sleep than take anything to put me to sleep quicker.

Good thing through all these my appetite was never affected. Sure food tastes bland but I know I have to eat something so even if food tastes like paper I am going to eat it.

Caught

I thought I was able to escape it. I thought I was pretty immune to it. Well, I thought wrong because the flu bug has caught me and I am not liking it one bit.

It started with sneezing which I contributed to allergies because of the high winds that we have been having, that was Sunday. Then Monday, I had this bad, dry cough which made me literally a mute at work. The next day, I nonchalantly asked one of the MAs to get my temperature and it came out 99.9. Okay, I have a slight fever. I took some meds and hoping it would go away. Later that afternoon it went down to 98.0. Okay, great. The next day, I still went to work but I was heavily congested and my cough has became worse. It didn't help that its been raining so its been very cold. I already asked to be off Thursday because I had to go somewhere but after work I told my boss that I am just going to take the rest of the week off.

So here I am..at home..trying to stay warm in this cold weather and dealing with it as much as I can. Last night made me think how extremely fortunate I would have been had I been home. For sure, my mom would be awake every 6 hours to check my temperature, my meds ready for me to just take, my food, warm and ready. But nope, my reality is.. I had to prepare the ice cold face towel to be put on my forehead as I battle with dizziness. I get up and chill it again as soon as it starts warming up. I have to put my medicine and my water within arm's reach. If I want to eat, I would have to warm it myself. I cannot and should not expect my aunts and uncle to cater to me. So I just contend myself with calling my mom. Hearing her voice is comforting enough. I don't call Papa because he would probably feel all sorry for me and start crying so no LOL. That happened before when I sent them a text that I was down with a flu. Probably four years ago and in less than a minute the phone rang. It was them calling overseas and not long Papa and Mama started crying.

I don't like being sick but I guess this is really my body's way of saying to take a rest so I am doing it. All I have been doing is sleep, eat and watch tv. I hope this flu bug goes away soon.

Gratitude

Today I am very grateful...

for...

Vonage
Owtel
Text-message
UPS
my cousin, Dulce's internet cafe'
close proximity of internet cafe' to Tito Uyen's office

to...

my family for being so calm when I thought I was going to have an almost nervous breakdown due to my own carelessness. Okay, it wasnt almost because I was already in the initial stages of crying having gone through cursing.

my parents when in spite of being in the middle of something: Mama sitting on a dentist's chair and Papa in a meeting - were telling me that it will be done and there is still time.

my sister, Camille, for being a voice of reason when I was in the midst of panic. And also for doing what needs to be done right away. That was some record speed.

1:35PM (MLA) - I called in a panic and in tears
sometime around 2PM (MLA) - Camille called to double check documents were right.
3:47PM (MLA) - Documents signed and ready for mailing

my cousin, Dulce, for helping out Camille make sure that the document gets out by 5PM (Manila time) so I can get in ASAP.

Tita Nene and Tito Uyen for being in the office. I know that in the Philippines, it pays to have relatives with connections but even better is relatives with connections who are generous, kind and accommodating.

GOD, for making me check those papers and realizing the small but very important mistake this early so it can be rectified right away.

They pulled me back to sanity when I was about to lose it. *sigh* I have never been this grateful.

No more vacancy

It is such a bittersweet feeling to know that the musical Rent is closing down in Broadway after 12 years. When it first opened in Broadway, I knew that it was one of those musicals that I just have to go see but for some reasons wasn't able to until last year when my sister and I and some friends went to NYC for a trip. Before, we left L.A., we were already set on watching a Broadway show. For me it was either "Rent" or none at all. I mean we will already be in New York, why are we not going to include that in our itinerary. We were not sure we would be able to get tickets but we persisted and it paid off. My sister's friend, Yvan was able to score us tickets and we knew we had to fix our plans for the day around it. It was also a good thing that our hotel was only a good 2 blocks away from the theater. By the day that we were going to watch it, I have lost count of how many times we have passed the theater.

I may have memorized a lot of the songs by now. Who doesn't know "Seasons of Love"? It was. however, my first time watching it. I refused to watch the film version until I have seen the theater one. Never mind if the cast of the film version was almost the entire original theater cast. I just didn't feel right about doing that. My companions and I were so lucky because the cast when we watched it included Tamyra Gray of AI fame and more than that, the narrator, Mark Cohen was being played by Anthony Rapp, the original actor who played it when it first opened. How cool was that.

"Rent" was how I expected it to be and more. It was both heartwarming and heartbreaking. A lesson in loving and also of letting go...of acceptance and hope. I cried, I am not going to deny that. With it closing soon, I have never felt so blessed to have been given an opportunity to experience it before it ended.

Stranded

I thought I wouldn't have to tell you this again but it seems that I have to. I hope this time you will really do ponder on it.

"How can you be an anchor to someone if you yourself is drowning?"

How can you indeed? Even flight attendants remind people constantly that in the event of a water landing to put on your life jacket first before helping another person. You must be able to learn to save yourself before you can save another. Its not being selfish. It is survival.

How can you bring someone to shore if you are being dragged farther and farther from it? How can you put your feet on the sand when each day is like being pulled into the abyss? The water level is rising as each day passes, you have to act soon.

Life jackets are being thrown at you. Boats are sailing by. Ropes are being hurled at you. Arms are being stretched out. You only have to do one thing.. grab on to it. It could be a life jacket to put around your neck. It could be climbing into a boat. It could be holding on to the other end of the rope so someone can reel you in. It could be grabbing a hand that is reaching out to you. Anything to keep you afloat. Anything to get yourself out of the water.

There is nothing wrong in wanting to find dry land first before going back and saving another. At least you know that you have somewhere to go rather than floating aimlessly and a direction to nowhere. There is nothing wrong in being in dry, stable land and think things through. Now, if after all that thinking you still want to jump into the water by all means do so. But at least, by that time you have looked at the situation with a different perspective, with a different set of eyes. Having that will make you get to that other person better and you have a better grasp of things rather than just going with the current. A current that is not bringing you anywhere but farther. At least by then, you will be equipped with everything you need to have to not only survive but to be triumphant.

You have treaded these waters before though I feel this one is more treacherous. These are not only dangerous waters but life-changing too not only for yourself but for everyone around you. The sad part is, all we can do is watch as your head bobs in and out of the water. It breaks our heart to do that but thats all we can do for now. We cannot force you to get out of the water. You have to decide to get out on your own first but be assured that we will have a warm towel waiting, ready for you. I know you are not going to openly ask a life jacket from me so I am throwing one at you for your taking. Let me know and I will come up with a way.

Don't make yourself out to be this hero when deep inside you are not sure what to do, where to go, what to feel, what to think. You don't have to prove yourself that you are a hero because you are already one. But, heroes have their moments too that they question if this is the life that they want to lead...want to have. It doesn't make you any less of a hero if you don't do the "right" thing. There is nothing wrong in doing the "wrong thing" if in the long run it will be so much better.. for your own good.. for your peace of mind. There is nothing wrong in being fair to yourself even if it means being unfair to others. It may seem unfair at first to other people but later on, it will be realized that it was for the best of everyone. There is nothing wrong in wanting to get away. even heroes need a holiday.

So please, get out of the water soon for you and for the other person's sake. But mostly for you because who knows this might not even be the waters that you are supposed to swim in.