HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Have a safe and blissful celebration!

Funny Day

On Christmas Eve, my aunt woke me up asking for help in packing the box that she was sending to my uncle in Chicago. I was still in a daze so I wasn't so sure if I was just dreaming it or she was really asking me. Taking my chances, I went downstairs and true enough she needed help. She asked if I could go with her to drop off the box at my cousin's in-law's house who would be bringing the box to Chicago. I threw on a jacket over my pajamas, put on my shoes and off we go. After dropping off the box, my aunt said if we could go to Honey Baked Ham to buy the ham for our dinner. The plan was for me to stay in the car while she goes in to buy it. But that wasn't the case since when we got to the store there was a long line and there was still 30 minutes before the store opens. So my aunt drops me off to fall in line while she parks the car. Then it hit me that I was in my pajamas. I decided that if I wasn't going to make a big fuzz about it, maybe people wont notice. Besides there was only one other person there who would have probably noticed it - the guy before me who was probably a Filipino. My aunt joined me in the line and we were talking in Tagalog then switched to Waray which is our dialect. She overheard the guy before us say "ay Bisaya pala" which prompted my aunt to ask him if he was Filipino. He was like "no, I am Waray!" That made the three of us laugh and to make the world smaller, he turned out to be my aunt's co-worker and he knows all of my aunts and uncles. He also went to the same high school as I did, so many years before me though. Having to wait in line wasn't so bad anymore despite of the cold weather. He did notice my pajamas and I just shrugged, what more can I do. My aunt commented that my cousin goes to school in her pajamas. True, she does but at least hers was plaid and in their school colors not like mine.

In no time the store opened but by this time, the line has grown long which was just a revelation to us. We were just waiting for our turn when all of a sudden this guy in shorts, a few people before us turned to me and asked "are you in your pajamas?" I nodded with a smile. He followed that question with a "just your pajamas?". What can I say I just nodded. Then the lady with them was like, "I kind of thought so!" Okay by the now I was growing conscious of my attire. If that wasn't bad enough, when a store employee came out to hand out some samples, the same guy turned to her and said, "did you notice she is in her pajamas?" pointing at me. The lady just nodded in agreement. Great, now the entire population at the store knows. By now, I felt like hitting this man. He was already strike 2 with me. I was able to breathe a sigh of relief because by now we were already inside the store. Not long we will be getting our ham and be out of here. I thought I have heard the last of it when I heard the SAME man who was in another line say, "she is in her pajamas!" with matching fingers pointing at me. Great! Just great! This man is strike 3 already. I just didn't pay attention to him. My aunt and I just laughed. If I wasn't conscious before now I was. I actually felt like everyone who were still in line were looking at my pajamas when we left the store. Oh well, like my cousin said what are the odds of them seeing me again. Besides, I don't think they will remember me without the pajamas. Its just a good thing that I didn't wear these slippers of mine to the store. Imagine that. =)

It was fine I guess that I was the joke of the day for some people. I used the same one to cheer my mom up when she was all emotional when my sister and I spoke to her. If only for that, I am glad I wore my pajamas outside.

Completed

I was able to complete the 9 day Simbang gabi masses and I have a certificate to prove it. =)

The pastors at Holy Family Catholic Church thought it would be nice to hand out certificates to those who were able to complete the 9 day novena. It was such a surprise which was accepted warmly. The certificate was a nice gesture and the 9 daily themes were printed on it as well. Those who were not able to complete it didn't go home empty-handed since the parish handed out bookmarks with a prayer written by John Paul II in the back which Father Johnny is encouraging every family to pray every night.

From the very start, I decided that I was going to make an effort to complete the simbang gabi. I am not sure what my motivation was because definitely it wasn't an easy thing to do. But I guess once it has been started, the intention for following it through was there. It was a nice feeling to be able to accomplish something like this and for that to be acknowledged was such a gift.

Going into the simbang gabi, I really didn't have much expectations or intentions or promises. At first I guess it was more of touching base with something Filipino when one has been deprived of it for some time. It was a tradition that I have missed greatly and wanted to be part of once again. I went there with no major petition to ask or prayer to be answered. I think more than anything, I went there in thanksgiving. Thanksgiving for the year that has been and for the year to come. The past year may not have been the best, but it wasn't the worst either. But I am grateful that I was able to weather it all and came out stronger, with lessons learned. I may not know what those lessons are at this point but I am a firm believer that things will fall into place in their own time. I already lived through the past and learned from it. I have no idea what the future brings, I can only anticipate and prepare. The one thing that I only know is NOW and even that may not be something we would want for ourselves but nevertheless thrown at us to face. Even if that is the case, I am and will still be thankful because I know I won't be alone in facing whatever it is that will be thrown my way. I have amazing and loving parents, crazy, supportive and protective siblings, a large extended family, old and new friends. How can you go wrong with a suppport system like that?

It was a bit overcast today and was a picture of gloom. I prefer not to dampen the holiday spirit. So in lieu of the picture of the sky, I am sending your way warm wishes.

MALIGAYANG PASKO

MERRY CHRISTMAS

HAPPY HOLIDAYS

Almost

I thought I was going to miss Simbang gabi today. It's the 8th mass. I have come a long way only to miss it now. Thankfully, I didn't. I was able to wake up on time and thanks to my uncle for waking me up.

I think my lack of sleep is catching up on me now. I was the classic, "masandal lang tulog na" last night at my uncle's house. After dinner, I was sitting on the couch and before I knew it, my aunt and I were already leaving and they already finished the movie that they were watching. (I think "Something about Mary"). I was out for probably an hour or so. I couldn't keep my eyes open no matter how much I tried. I still can't keep my eyes open now but I am managing.

My left eye feels funny. The sensation is not of pain but more like "heaviness". I don't know if its because I lack sleep or I have slept wearing my contact lenses far too many times. I didn't sleep wearing them last night but a few days and weeks past yes. Or maybe my prescription has gone up. The grade of my left eye is already higher than the right as it is, maybe its a lot higher now. Or maybe my eyes are just tired and it's telling me to sleep early tonight and don't wear my contacts for the meantime. I am wearing my glasses today so my eyes could rest plus it pays to work at a medical clinic, I have medicine that worked for me a few months ago when the same thing happened. I can do it again, with doctor's consultation of course.

This was the sky today...

December 22, 2005

I AM DONE!

with my Christmas shopping!

Yay! I finished everything in one weekend. Good thing, I took advantage of the day off that my boss told to me to take. I took Friday off and it sure jumpstarted my weekend. Since I attend Simbang Gabi at 5:30 AM, I was already out of the house and ready to hit the stores by 9:00AM which is the time that most of the stores open. I always prefer and to go to malls or stores early in that way I beat the rush. Plus, stores are still in order and neat and sales associates aren't so cranky and stressed out.

Having a lot of people to buy presents for like myself isnt't easy. I have pretty much 30 names on my list and that is only my cousins, nephews & nieces. Friends and other relatives are not even in that list yet. When I make a list I separate the girls and the guys and I arrange them according to age. Kind of OC-ish but it makes it easier for me. What I usually do is buy the same thing for those in the same age group. Less decisions to make means less time mulling in a store on what would be a good gift to give to a specific person. It may sound a bit impersonal but I think kids are still "mababaw" in some sense that as long as they are opening something, they are happy. Besides, if they want something expensive that is their parents' responsibility not mine =) As long as I gave them a little something. Actually it is from my sister and myself.

I just realized that I have pretty much bought everyone something but I have not bought anything for myself that is not counting the dress I bought for Christmas. Had one of those dresses fit me, I don't think I would be buying a dress at all. Technically, I didn't even buy a dress, I bought 2 dressy tops. There were not a lot of styles to my liking so I may just have to do with one of the dressy tops paired with either a skirt or trousers already in my closet. Just spruce it up with some cool accessories.

Speaking if accessories, I had a "crazy" episode at Forever 21. I went there Friday with my sister and I saw this strand of pearl-like beads that I think would really look nice with the top I have decided to wear. The bad thing was, it was broken, according to the sales associate and it didn't have the barcodes, meaning it can't be scanned, meaning she has no clue what the price is. I let it go with a heavy heart. I actually didn't care that it was broken because I liked it the way it is - one long string. I was thinking of making it look like a lariat but if there was no price how can I buy it. The cashier didn't seem like she was in the mood to search for the price so I left the store. But the entire day, that piece of necklace was in my mind until Saturday. I could have gone back for it on Saturday but my sister and I had our respective "ME" days by having a facial and for me plus a hair appointment which pretty much ate up our entire day. Sunday, I just couldn't let it go, I went back into the store and tried looking for it but it wasn't there anymore. There is really nothing special about it but I just wanted it. I could have gone to a craft store, got a pack of beads and strung them myself. But I don't have the luxury of time to do it. I was hoping that they realize it really wasn't broken and they will put a price on it but nope. I guess they cleaned out the table and got rid of all the broken ones. There were another string of beads, a lot smaller. It was a lot smaller but it had the price. I got it with the intention of tearing it apart and making it into what I wanted it to be - like the one I saw that Friday. As I was paying, I noticed the bins of accessories behind the cashier and my eyes spotted the very same necklace I wanted. I actually asked her to dig into the bin (it was shallow) to look for it. I thought, maybe she could give me the bin and let me fish it out. Nope, she chose the harder way and rummaged through it as I kept referring to it as "that one". She finally was able to get it and once again told me, its broken, there is no clasp. I had to tell her that weird as it sounds, I actually want it broken and I was willing to pay even the full price just so they will give it to me. Yes, I was that desperate and crazy. I dont think its going to be that expensive anyway. She asked the manager about it and the manager said since I was buying 2, she can give them to me like a "buy one, get one" thing. I said fine. Since there was no price at all, they just followed the price of the necklace I was going to end up getting since I didn't have this. Since I got what I wanted, there was no need for me to get the other ones.

I was happy by now:

what they look like

• I was able to get something for everyone in my list
• I have something to wear for Christmas
• I have the necklace I wanted.

The only thing left for me to do was wrap those presents which I was able to do Sunday night. YAY!!! Granted that I wasn't able to wrap everything, at least I did more than half. I think I only have like 19 presents to wrap so it is not so bad.

Now I have more time to relax, plan the games for Christmas eve and wait for the day.

Ika-anim ng Disyembre

simula na ng SIMBANG GABI!

Well this year, it started on the 15th to the 23rd. Holy Family Catholic Church in Artesia decided to start early so as not to confuse Simbang gabi with the Filipino Mass that is going to be held on the 24th at 7:oo PM.

Unlike in the Philippines where simbang gabi is at 4:30, it is an hour later here. Looking at it, it really isn't a big difference but the thing is before last year simbang gabi was held at night. I was able to complete it once before but I was still back home and it was much more accessible and easier to go. I have been wanting to complete it again but the odds were against me until this year. I went to my 7th mass this morning, 2 more and I completed it. It isn't easy. For one thing, I am not a morning person. Had there not been simbang gabi I wouldn't wake up until 7 or 7:30 to go to work. But now, I wake up at 3:30 and the most is 4. It is quite too early for the 5:30 mass considering that the church is just a mere 10 minutes away. The thing is, I have to take a shower before my aunt does or else I wont be able to that is the reason behind setting my alarm clock at 3:30. I thought it would be so difficult for me to wake up. But surprisingly, the opposite happened and this is coming from someone who probably presses the snooze button more than I should. Sometimes I even wake up before my alarm clock sounds off. I wake up earlier but my sleeping time stays the same. I pretty much just get close to 4 hours of sleep each night. My eyes are tired, yes! I have lost count of how many times I yawn in the course of the day. But my energy hasn't wavered. I am as alert as if I was able to get a full nights sleep.

Every day, the church is full of people not at all bothered by the fact that its really early in the morning and it can be very cold as well. The crowd is a mix of Filipinos, both parishioners and non-parishioners and even non-Filipinos have attended and to think that the entire mass is said in Filipino. There is a mass guide that is provided with the flow of the mass in both Filipino and English but readings, gospels and homilies are said in Filipino. I guess the person beside them is helping in the translation. Aside from being able to experience simbang gabi as if all of us were back home, right after all the masses, there is a "salo-salo". Food is being prepared by the different religious groups of the parish and shared with everyone. Here, people get to know each other, discuss the theme of the day or just share jokes. Someone from Tacloban actually recognized me during one of those. Even the priests join in and make sure to meet and greet each and everyone that came. By the 6th mass, Fr. Johnny, the pastor already knew me and even asked if I was already on my way to work. I was. Should I rethink going to confession there now? =) Not at all.

It was said that the intentions of whoever is able to complete the 9 days will be granted. I knew about this and yes I have my own personal intentions but it is not the sole reason why I wake up early each morning to go to mass. According to the Archdiocese of Manila website, it is not in the quantity of masses that one attended but what matters most is the disposition of the person who receives the blessing. I believe this. Sure it would be nice if my intentions would be granted but more than that I think after the 9 masses, I hope I would have a better understanding of my faith, of my place in this world and what is being asked of me. No, I am not all of a sudden going to turn into this "super person" doing everything but do something within my own life what I feel and think I should. I think being able to experience even just one mass is what inspires people to keep coming back and complete it despite of all the hardships and challenges. I could have easily gave up with all the factors that I have to consider but I haven't. In fact, it is getting easier as the days go by. I am actually looking forward to it. It is going to be a change when all of this is done. I may stick with it, still wake up early but not as early as this or return to my "old" way and that is sleeping in. If there is one realization that I learned from going to these masses is that I can do anything that I put my mind into. I decided early on that I would want to complete the 9 masses and here I am close to fulfilling that. Maybe after simbang gabi I will check back on that list that I have made on what I want to accomplish and change for the coming new year. Find one that I would really like to do and much like with the simbang gabi, follow through it and reap the rewards later. I think there is no greater feeling than a sense of accomplishment of doing something despite of all the factors weighing in and no other motivation but the one coming from within.

Aside from feeling a sense of accomplishment from going to mass, I have all of sudden started taking pictures of the sky as we make a beeline towards the parish hall from the church for the "salo-salo". I wished I would have done it from the very first day but at that time for some reasons it didn't come to my consciousness until one of the churchgoers pointed it out to us and it was indeed a sight to see. It was already the 18th. I missed 3 days. Isn't it sad that such a magnificent thing is right before us but we refuse or fail to see it until someone brings it to our attention. I guess the reason why I didn't notice was I was concerned about my own self, trying to warm myself from the cold. But now, no matter how cold it is, I stop and focus my cameraphone towards the sky and take a snapshot of it. I don't know for what or why but seeing such a beautiful sight makes me feel good and leaves me in awe.

December 18, 2005

December 19, 2005

December 20, 2005

December 21, 2005

Merry Christmas & a Happy New Year!!

credit to http://www.djkatscan.net/home.html

Stressing over nothing

A few weeks back my immediate boss (Boss Roger) told me to take one day off each week especially around the time that the big boss (Dr. C) will be out of the country which is starting next week. He said for me to pick a day where I am least needed or when there will be the least disruption in the operation and that would be on a Friday. Taking a day off means I will only work 4 days a week. I was at a loss why he would want me to shorten my work week when we are already swamped as it is. Plus I really have nowhere to go if I don't go to work. Boss Roger didn't tell me why he asked me to take the day off and frankly it made me paranoid. So many things came rushing into my mind and I was growing concerned. I kept on asking myself, "Did I do something wrong?" "Is this the initial stage before I am going to get fired? Is this his way of telling me to take a rest now so I will be re-energized come the new year?" I asked him why he wanted me to but he still didn't give me a straight answer until today.

I was at our other site when a problem came up again in one of the other sites. Unfortunately, I wasn't there to address the problem and the office manager wasn't able to handle it as well as we would have wanted her to. But I understand where she is coming from because I am going crazy as well thinking why we can't seem to find a way to straighten out the people there. There are far too many problems that I don't know where to start. It is making me frustrated and stressed out. I was giving Boss Roger some of my observations since he has always told me that his role is to be the "bad guy". He will be the one to talk to the employee that made the mistake. Then he told me...

Boss Roger: The thing with you is when you are frustrated, it shows in your voice, it shows in your face. That is why I want you to take a day off each week. I didn't tell you about this earlier."

Me: huh??

I guess he probably thought that I will feel bad if he told me the reason why he wanted me to take a day off. Frankly, I agree with him. I did tell him that I get really cranky when I am stressed to which he joked

"Kelan ka ba hindi cranky!"

Me: "eh ibig sabihin nun na I am always stressed!"

Yes I am transparent that way. My emotions can be seen in my face and heard in my voice especially at that very instant when the cause of my stress and frustration becomes apparent. This is also the reason why I keep my mouth shut when I am in that situation because I might end up saying something I don't mean or don't have to. When people are very emotional, we tend to be irrational and illogical and I don't like that. When I am emotional I am not able to think straight so I opt to remove myself first from the situation, think things through and only then will I be able to come up with a way on how to attack the problem. I can remove myself from it physically but not emotionally. I am a human being after all.

Now, that I know the reason why I am being told to take a day off, I don't feel so bad anymore if I do take up the offer. Initially I didn't know where I will go to which Boss Roger was so surprised to hear. But with Christmas looming, I will use that Friday off to finish buying presents and start crossing people's names off my very long Christmas list. I don't want to wait at the last minute because it will just escalate my stress level to new heights. I don't need nor deserve the additional stress right now. Work and self-centered relatives are enough. =)

Imagine being roused from your sleep at 2 AM with a text message that says:

"Did you hear the news about your Papa? =("

This is what my sister got and being that our parents are halfway across the world, it would have sent me on a panic. Good thing I didn't get the text, good thing I was told of this after I have been exchanging text messages with Papa all afternoon and good thing that prior to this text message, my sister was already told of what really happened. It was all misinformation.

Papa was our province Vice Governor for 3 years but during the last election he didn't run the same position. But for some reasons, some people still refer to my dad as the "Vice Gov". So when news that the Vice Governor was involved in an accident broke out, a lot of people thought it was Papa. It was horrible because so many versions of the story were coming out. There was that the Vice Governor (current) was in critical condition and was in a coma. I couldn't verify these news. But last I heard was her condition was already improving. I pray for her speedy recovery.

I do not for a second would want to even think if what if it was my dad. I refuse to go there. I have been in that type of situation once and I realized I am not prepared for anything yet. My maternal grandfather died a few days after 9/11. The world was in chaos, my mom was in the Philippines and no matter what happens she was going to make the trip to bade her father goodbye one last time. Papa decided to go with her since Mama was in no condition to be able to think straight. As soon as their flight was confirmed, it was the beginning of an experience that I will always remember. The airports were closed for private vehicles so we had to come up with a plan where we were going to pick them up. They were supposed to arrive on a Thursday night which gave them time to be at the wake before the funeral on Saturday. I was at a hotel lobby waiting for their call along with my cousins but midnight came and no call. I called my brother in Manila to ask if they were able to leave and my brother said that they did. I had no idea where my parents were and no one could tell me. I called PAL. I called LAX for any information but no one could give me an answer. Finally PAL told me that they were just delayed, then that their plane was redirected to Honolulu and would be coming in on Friday night. My cellphone bill has never been this high. I was calling Philippines, Hawaii, LAX, PAL. I think I may haven even called NAIA at some point. Add to that the calls from my relatives who were growing concerned. But at least I was able to speak to my parents by this time. They were at a hotel in Honolulu and would be arranging for their own flight to LA since PAL wasn't going to be allowed to fly to LAX as originally planned. This is the part where I am so glad Papa decided to fly with Mama. My mom was far too distraught to do all these arrangements. The passengers were told that they had to land in Hawaii because supposedly of an engine malfunction. But later on per my parents accounts, it turned out it was a security precaution and that once they entered US air space, they were escorted by 2 fighter jets. The next day, my cousins and I went again near the fastfood chain where my parents would take the taxi to and where we will meet them. Still no sight of Papa and Mama. I was growing concerned because Papa and Mama went through all these and for them to miss the funeral is just plain cruel. That would have been heartbreaking for my mom. I slept beside my cellphone waiting for their call. Finally at 5 AM Saturday, the most amazing call of my life came. It was Papa, "we are already here!" My cousin and I went to the fastfood restaurant again and after a few minutes my parents emerged from the taxi. Finally I could breathe. We had little time to spare. We got home at almost 7 AM, get ready for the funeral at 10 AM. Good thing it was earlier requested that my Lolo's casket be opened so my mom can see her dad one last time and say her last goodbyes.

My thoughts all during this time was, please not both parents. I would have probably gone insane. My brother and sisters in the Philippines and me in the US. Being the eldest, I know that a big responsibility is going to be put on my shoulders. Responsibility I think I can handle but more than that, I realized I am still dependent on my parents no matter how much I have exerted my independence all these years. The recent text message/joke just reaffirmed to me...I still need Papa and Mama.

Where was I?

It is a good thing Kaytee tagged me because it gave me a reason to post something. It is not because I have nothing to post about. I actually have a lot of topics in mind but they are all jumbled up in my head that I am having a hard time figuring out which one to do first.

So for the meantime...

10 years ago,

I was on my 3rd term as an AB Psychology major at DLSU Taft. Preparing for Finals week at the same time preparing for our trip to the US for my maternal grandparents' 60th wedding anniversary.

5 years ago,

Been in the US now for 2 years. Good thing two of my best friends were already here as well so it wasn't so bad. This is the year that I had the highest high and maybe not the lowest low but a low point...malabo na nga, mas lalong lumabo.

A year ago,

I helped my aunt pack their boxes to the Philippines. I packed 5 balikbayan boxes all by myself in one weekend. It was hard but I enjoyed doing it since it would be my uncle's first trip in 40 years, my aunt's in 20 and my cousin's in 18.

Yesterday,

Being that it was a Thursday and my aunts have Charismatic Prayer Meeting, I had the house all to myself. Since our internet at home wasn't working, it gave me time to do my laundry, fix my room and rest.

Tomorrow,

Anything goes. I could be at my aunt's house painting. I could attend a friend's baby shower or I could finally do some Christmas shopping since my list is pretty long.

Today,

I actually woke up earlier than usual but it was so cold so I curled up in my bed for the next 30 minutes before I pulled myself out of bed to get ready to go to work. Got to work, checked my mails (no internet at home, remember) and reading about the Music events that happened in the Philippines: MTV AIDS Summit and NU Rock Awards.

I am tagging: Camille, Diane, Kat and who else who wants to do it.