Sometimes Papa says the craziest things

I don't know if it was out of desperation that my dad actually referred to this guy as the "love of my life". Papa has always been mum about anything pertaining to my lovelife save for that out of the blue "so, do you have a boyfriend?" question back when I was in college which caused major shock to my sister and me. So for him to drop this recently was I don't know...weird? Especially since we were with my relatives on his side whom I haven't seen in a long time. Papa also added that this guy is decent. Papa's exact words were "tuhay man iton hiya" (He seems decent.) Based on what? Based on meeting him early last year? I am not sure they even talked that long or maybe I am just not being told the story. I was nowhere near there so I really don't know. Funny thing is, my brother and sister beg to differ. Well they have their own version. As if that was not enough, Papa also said "waray ada gihapon uyab" (I dont think he has a girlfriend.) Really?? How did he even know that when I myself don't know if its true or not. Weird!

Papa used to drop subtle hints here and there that he would want my siblings and I, me for starters settled soon. But lately, they have not been subtle. Sometimes, it was almost like a push, a permission, a blessing. He is well aware that he is sort of pushing us but said it doesn't mean he is "giving us away" or something. I guess, he really just want to see us settled or he just wants some grandchildren since among his siblings, he is the only one who doesn't have any. He went to as far as saying that our house back home was already so quiet, that it would be fun to see kids running around. Okay! My siblings and I are not budging though. Not that we are not heeding what they are asking but we wish it was as easy as that.

Going back to the "love of my life" comment that made my jaw drop and rendered me speechless. I really don't know where it was coming from or I don't even remember what we were all talking about but I am still in shock over it and it happened some three months ago. I never got the chance to talk to Papa again after that and truth be told I am a bit uneasy to ask now. The "get married" spiel still hasn't gone away, in fact I think it has escalated but I think I need a guy first before I can even contemplate marriage. That just how life's natural progression goes.

So do I agree with Papa that this guy is the "love of my life"? I don't know! That's the honest truth. I don't know. If I was asked that a few years ago, I would say he could have been. Even until early last year, he still could have been. Now? I really don't know. Its hard to say especially since I haven't heard much from him lately. Its hard to say when you rely on other people to get an update. Its hard to say when you don't know what feelings to name and claim. Its crazy that my dad would even consider him to be that when we are not even together. Its crazy how of all the guys, Papa had to pick him. We may have a little bit of a history but like those things we learn in history class, after some time, you just don't think about it much. You don't totally forget it. Its just at the back of your mind, stashed somewhere there. But, it is not my reality at this point. Its not my "now" and I have learned albeit quite late that its not always the case that your past connects to your "now" and to your future. Papa can be right but he could also be wrong. I have come to live with that, come to realize that, come to accept that. We will just see.

Happy Birthday Papa!

I think I am a lot like Papa more than I would want to admit. Both of us can be stubborn, headstrong, opinionated that we most often than not clash. But our "clashes" have always been with respect and a good sense of maturity. Sure, his way of thinking annoys and irritates me sometimes but I don't think its any different with what he thinks and feels about my own way of thinking. Our likeness may be the reason of some of our conflicts but more than that I think it is also the reason why we both understand and respect each other. I think I have reached the age that Papa takes a step back and allows me to do things as I see fit. Agree with it or not, he gives me that freedom to be able to come to my own decisions, act on my convictions and learn from my mistakes. Sure, he along with Mama would want to protect and shield me as much as they can but they also both realize that there are some instances that they have to loosen the string that connects me to them and let me wander and explore life as it comes to me. This is one thing, among others that I am truly grateful.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PAPA!!!

Can I be any weirder?

I got tagged by Ate Joelle and this is what inspired me to write a post. I have a lot of topics to blog about but couldn't seem to find the time to sit down and write so this will do for now.

"Each player of this game starts with 6 weird things about himself or herself. People who get tagged need to write a blog entry of their own as well as state the rule clearly. In the end, you need to tag 6 people as well and list their names. Don't forget to let them know they've been tagged!"

1. I listen to music that I don't understand the lyrics. I watch movies where I have to read the dialogue and stars whose names I cannot pronounce. It happened by accident and now I am so used to reading subtitles that it doesn't bother me anymore. I even turn on the subtitles now even with English language films. As for music, this is the ultimate proof that music is a "universal language". I don't understand one bit of the lyrics and yet I can feel the emotion of the show and sometimes can relate to it.

2. When I am stressed, I deal with it by writing. When we were writing our college thesis, I stopped in the middle of writing a pivotal section, grabbed some paper and a pen, wrote a poem in under 30 minutes and then went back to my thesis. I also was able to write a whole poem while attending a debut and I wrote it on a tissue.

3. I sleep with the blanket over my head. People are really weirded out by this. I once slept over at a friend's house and she woke up at the middle of the night and couldn't find me. I was under the covers. People wondered if I can breathe under it. I can and I actually find it harder to breathe if I am above the blanket. See, I am really weird. Even if it is the hottest day, I still sleep with a blanket. A pillow I can do without but not without a blanket. When I was little, I slept with 5 blankets all around me, all folded except for one that covered me. Now, I just have two: one, folded that used to be purple but now white, torn and thin and another one to cover me but the number of which depends if its winter (2-3) or summer (1). Yup, I bring the term "security blanket" to new heights.

4. I once ate 6 sunny-side up eggs at one time but I couldn't eat eggs for a long time after that. Add to my weird eating habits, I once ate steamed hotdog with catsup and calamansi. I brought a whole box of a medium size pizza inside the movie theater and ate it by myself. I can eat the same food for days straight, granted its new. I don't like tv dinners or any food that has "add hot water" on them. It has to pass through some kind of "real" heat.

5. I am a highly visual person but I cannot draw even if my life depended on it. Even my "stick man" looks pathetic. When I write short stories, I visualize the story in my head like as if I am reading a book before I actually write it down. I have cried too when visualizing that story. Often times, I already have a mental picture of my outfit for the day. It also helps with long drives. If I am not able to read, I let my mind wander away and I don't get bored.

6. I prefer to watch movies alone sometimes actually most of the time. It started in college when I only had one class and it was still too early to go home. If I was going to wait for my cousins to watch movies, there was a high probability that it wasn't going to happen so I decided to just watch movies by myself. Plus, it allows me to really concentrate on the movie. But I have a general rule that I follow: (1) I only watch at what I consider safe theaters; (2) I watch the first screening of the day; (3) I sit near the aisle; (4) I make sure that I am seated in a far enough distance from other moviegoers. I would bring snacks too. I have also watched 3 movies in 2 different theaters all in one day.

Camille, Kuya Patrick, Chrissie, Mina, Pen & Gail - TAG and you're it!!

Happy Anniversary Papa & Mama!!

Today is their 32nd wedding anniversary.

My brain cells are in a mush so until I can come up with a better post for now I would just like to greet my parents a HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!

I love you Papa and Mama!!

Which one is it?

"Because i think one of the biggest angst you have in your life is about *****...that's why i assume it's about him."

Trust your friends to drop comments like these that leave you dumbfounded.

I asked Chary what she thought of my previous entry. Initially, she thought it was about someone which surprised me and made me laugh. I asked further why she thought that which turned out to be a mistake because this is the answer she gave me. Then she said just as she was convinced she got it right, she thinks otherwise. That I was probably just in one of my "moments". Its been days since she told me but its still in my mind. I still laugh when I remember it. So which one is it? I am still figuring it out. It could be either, it could be both. Ewan!

Stranger - -> Person

You think you know plenty about a person, you think you know enough about a person only to realize later that it seems like you don't. You want to know more but it is either untold or hidden and no time soon revealed. You want to ask but you are in no position to. You want to ask but opportunity you do not have. You want to ask but you are not sure if it will be answered or evaded or you are allowed to have a glimpse of what may seem like an answer but you are not entirely sure.

There are times that you think you know the truth about a person and that truth was enough only to be rattled by the realization that you may be wrong. That fact doesn't escape you. You are left to wonder if whatever you know are really truths or nothing more but half-truths or worse lies masked in what may seem like truth. You wonder but just couldn't find the answers. You don't know if it was to protect you or to protect one's self. Either way, you are left in the dark and its not the most wonderful feeling in the world.

Then there is a stranger whose life you only know by a name and his or her place in a person's life. That you wished you knew more of but not a possibility. Then you stumble on something about this stranger that allowed you to know more than you would want to or need to or entitle to. All of a sudden that stranger is anything but and reading about their life based on how people talk about them fondly felt like both an intrusion and an enlightenment. How they have left an impact in these people's lives makes you wonder if the same could have happened to you. Then it dawned on you that in the course of knowing more about this stranger, you have come to know a bit more if not an aspect of the person but THE person.