Yes, Clare, Gail, Kat, Mina, Yam and everyone else who has been wondering what happened to me, I still exist. It just has been a pretty hectic life that I have been leading that it made me wonder, I know life is short but did it have to feel like it was ending that day? I honestly felt that my days were just a blur and it was just passing me by. Even my weekends, which should have been my chance to re-group, was full of activities. I was getting exhausted and cranky that one day I decided to take stock of my life and finally have a day of "nothingness". It turned out I wasn't the only one feeling tired. My cousins felt the same way. We all wondered when was the last time we just drove or walked aimlessly and the moment that it took us some time to answer that just means one thing...It has been awhile.
Well the one day turned into 3 weekends going to 4 now of "nothingness" and its great! My friends were very surprised because with so many relatives we always have a frenzy of activities to do, parties to organize and go to but this time there were none. So, along with my cousins, we filled our weekends with no agenda, going to the mall, having lunch and watching movies. I also filled it with having "dates with myself". It may sound pathetic to some but I actually like doing things on my own. I eat, shop, and watch movies on my own. I used to do that back in college and it gave me peace. Believe me, coming from a big family, I yearn for "alone" times, away from the chaos and these were those times. With my lola's return from the Philippines and my sister coming as well, I can already sense that my weekend of "nothingness" is coming to its end. So might as well grab it while I still can.
Jehann
I haven't seen my sister, Jehann for 6 years now. Jehann is the one who came after me. Growing up, we have had our share of rough times. I will admit that finding out she was coming gave me a mixture of dread and excitement. I was excited because after all I haven't seen any of my siblings since 1999 I think. We fill that distance with constant phone calls and now text messaging. I think the distance did us some good because we have learned to appreciate each other. At the same time I was a little bit dreading it. Much as we both deny it, we are the same. After all we both came from the same pod. We can be both stubborn which had made us butt heads a lot of times. Our youngest sister, Camille said that Jehann and I are just as different as we are alike and it can be hard. I was really stressing it because I do not want to fight with her. I want to have a really great relationship with her. I turned to friends to give me some guidance and they all said the same thing..maybe its not so bad and I am just making such a big deal about it than it really is. Much as I took their advice in, a part of me wasn't totally sold on it until one day. I was going about my usual day when it dawned into me, having Jehann here, I will finally have someone on my side. She is my ally and not my enemy. If there is anyone who will totally get me, its will be her. We may have had our differences but against other people, we only have each other to depend on. So now, as her arrival draws near, I am thinking of things of what we can do, just the 2 of us. I know it will involve some talking and what a conversation its going to be. After all, its going to be pretty much 6 years worth not including the 6 years worth of stories of Papa, Mama, Nicco and Camille as well. I am looking forward to that.
Well the one day turned into 3 weekends going to 4 now of "nothingness" and its great! My friends were very surprised because with so many relatives we always have a frenzy of activities to do, parties to organize and go to but this time there were none. So, along with my cousins, we filled our weekends with no agenda, going to the mall, having lunch and watching movies. I also filled it with having "dates with myself". It may sound pathetic to some but I actually like doing things on my own. I eat, shop, and watch movies on my own. I used to do that back in college and it gave me peace. Believe me, coming from a big family, I yearn for "alone" times, away from the chaos and these were those times. With my lola's return from the Philippines and my sister coming as well, I can already sense that my weekend of "nothingness" is coming to its end. So might as well grab it while I still can.
Jehann
I haven't seen my sister, Jehann for 6 years now. Jehann is the one who came after me. Growing up, we have had our share of rough times. I will admit that finding out she was coming gave me a mixture of dread and excitement. I was excited because after all I haven't seen any of my siblings since 1999 I think. We fill that distance with constant phone calls and now text messaging. I think the distance did us some good because we have learned to appreciate each other. At the same time I was a little bit dreading it. Much as we both deny it, we are the same. After all we both came from the same pod. We can be both stubborn which had made us butt heads a lot of times. Our youngest sister, Camille said that Jehann and I are just as different as we are alike and it can be hard. I was really stressing it because I do not want to fight with her. I want to have a really great relationship with her. I turned to friends to give me some guidance and they all said the same thing..maybe its not so bad and I am just making such a big deal about it than it really is. Much as I took their advice in, a part of me wasn't totally sold on it until one day. I was going about my usual day when it dawned into me, having Jehann here, I will finally have someone on my side. She is my ally and not my enemy. If there is anyone who will totally get me, its will be her. We may have had our differences but against other people, we only have each other to depend on. So now, as her arrival draws near, I am thinking of things of what we can do, just the 2 of us. I know it will involve some talking and what a conversation its going to be. After all, its going to be pretty much 6 years worth not including the 6 years worth of stories of Papa, Mama, Nicco and Camille as well. I am looking forward to that.
"The Bad News: Time Flies! The Good News: You are the Pilot!"
I saw this sign on our way to my aunt's house. I wasn't able to take a picture of it but I will the next time we pass by that street again. If you think about it, its true. It is pretty much the same as my weekends of nothingness. Had I allowed it to continue I think time would have just passed me by but I decided that it was time to change it, veer away from it. I took control of my life that was almost spinning out of control. I didn't have a hold on it anymore and just letting life takes its course with me just along the ride without any contribution. I didn't have a word yet at that time to call it when we started our weekend of " nothingness" but in one of those weekends I saw this sign and now I have quote that can aptly describe what we just did. It was a brief moment when I saw the sign but it stayed with me until we got to my aunt's house. I even wrote it down just in case I forgot. That wasn't possible because those words have been ingrained in my mind since then. It kept resonating in my mind and now when I sense that my life is once again spinning out of control, I have to remember that I am the pilot of my own life. I am in control of what I want to happen to it. I can crash and take a nose dive or I can cruise amidst the blue sky. I can make it into a bumpy ride or smooth-sailing as I wish. Life may just swish by me but at least I know I was the one responsible for it and not some other factor or person.
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