Remembering

My maternal grandfather died 3 years ago today! He was already in and out of the hospital pretty much the entire year of 2001. But on his last hospitalization, I was not able to visit him, not even once. It was hard but I think it some ways, it was good for me because my last image of him was not one of him attached to all these tubes.

On the day that he died, I still went to work. With all the confusion, none of my relatives was able to tell me to stay home. I went about my usual day but looking back there were already signs. For one, the bus that I was riding all of a sudden broke down at the same time that my cellphone rang but I wasn't able to answer it on time. Checking my missed calls, the caller's phone number didn't register. When I got to work, a message from my brother all the way in the Philippines was waiting for me. Fearing that things were not well at home, I was lucky enough to be able to have a fonecard handy so I was able to call almost immediately. My brother gave me the sad news then he put Papa on the line. Since I had no idea what was going on, Papa instructed me to confirm first. So I called an uncle and it was confirmed.

I went home almost immediately. My uncle brought me to the hospital so I can say my final goodbye but he was already gone when I got there. All my relatives were on their way out. I was still numb then, I didn't know what or how to feel. We all went to my aunt's house where arrangements were going to be discussed among my aunts and uncles while us the cousins dealt with it the best way that we can.

Papa and Mama decided to come for Lolo's funeral. It was a few days after 9/11 and there was tension in the whole world. If the loss of Lolo wasn't enough stress to deal with, I had to face with the fact that my parents will be traveling from the other side of Earth during this uncertain times. They were supposed to arrive Thursday just in time for the Saturday services. Thursday came but my parents didn't. They were redirected to Hawaii without knowing how or when they will be able to get to California. Friday, we took our chance again and went to the airport but nothing. I slept holding my phone close to me since Papa was going to call me there. 5 am, Saturday, I got the much awaited call from Papa, they were at LAX and will be taking a taxi to our designated place since private cars were not allowed to enter LAX. I breathed a sigh of relief upon seeing my parents. The whole day was in a frenzy. Until now I still do not know how we were able to survive those times but we did. Maybe in some strange way Lolo was looking out for my parents to be able to get here on time. Maybe he was giving us the strength that we needed to be able to go on without him.

It has been 3 years and I still do not feel that he is gone. For me he is just on a long vacation. Lolo was such a character with his dry sense of humor and culinary gift. I remember him with fond memories rather than sad ones. In my heart and mind I feel that it was time for him to go since he was growing tired with being in and out of the hospital. He is in a much better place now...looking down at us. I just hope that he is happy wherever he is.

With the recent turmoil going on in the family, I have never been more glad that he is not here to see what is going on but I do hope that the strength that he had exuded when he was still around, he will be able to pass on to Lola who needs it now more than ever.

Lolo, wherever you are...Happy Anniversary!