Single Blessedness

I am not the only one among my group of friends who is single but I am the only who has not had a boyfriend EVER! Does that make me feel like an outsider? Sometimes, but at times it also makes me feel great because I don’t have to deal with all the dramas that goes with being in a relationship. Sure it would be nice to have someone who will care for me, put my well being above his but then again finding that person is a task in itself. I have never really put myself out there I guess. I am pretty much cautious when it comes to affairs of the heart. Maybe I expect too much from the other person but that’s just how I grew up that I will never settle for second best and I must feel that that the relationship is beneficial to me as well as to the other person. I don’t see the point of dwelling in such an unhappy situation. I guess instead of finding myself in such an unhappy situation I have chosen to avoid it so as to prevent myself from being in that situation.

Another major thing I guess why I have pretty much shined away from most relationships is that I have this fear of changing. I have this fear of becoming the kind of person that I abhor. Based on experience, it seems that most of the women that I have encountered in my life changed once they are with someone. Some of them for the better, some of them not! I have no problem if being with another person will make me a better person, but I do have a problem if being with another person will turn me into this “monster” that I have seen my sisters become and I have hated with all my heart. I was one of those people that called their attention when they were acting like brats while in these relationships; I guess I just didn’t want the same thing thrown at my face. Although, my friends say that it is not in my personality but you never know. Even the smartest people can be dumb when it comes to matters of the heart.

More than anything, I think I haven’t met that person who will appreciate and treasure my independence. Not a lot of Filipino males have this in them. I guess because they are quite used to the notion that women needs to be taken cared of. It seems that it’s a blow to their masculinity when they encounter a woman who doesn’t depend too much on them and isn’t demanding so much of their attention. Some say that if I will limit myself to just Filipinos, sometimes I limit it to people from the same province, I am limiting my choices. But then again I don’t see myself being with anyone other than a Filipino and I guess I don’t want to adjust much. At this point in my life, I just don’t see myself adjusting to anything but who knows when I meet that person that will make me change my mind and give me a good of a reason enough to throw my preconceived notions away. Until then, I am sticking to what I believe is right for me.

It’s a weird concept to fathom that at 27 I haven’t had a boyfriend, ever. Sure I have met a couple of guys but so far no one has made me feel that he is worth anything. No one has really stuck long enough to see beyond what they see. They say I can be intimidating but then again I am just being myself. I have no plans of changing when I am with someone and I have no plans of changing in order to be with someone. I say “take it or leave it”. What can I do if I have opinions and I have no qualms of voicing them? What can I do if I am a voracious reader and that I may know more than any guy does? What can I do if I have strong convictions? What can I do it I am not the typical Filipina? What can I do if I expect more from guys than maybe the usual women that they have encountered? What can I do if I expect respect from the other person since that is the fact that I have grown up to? My dad respects my mom, treats her like an equal, treats her like an individual, he makes her feel that she matters and what she says matters. That is all I ask that a guy treats me in the same way or maybe more. Maybe one will argue that I am being a feminist. I am not a feminist because in my opinion being one entails you to desire to be better than men. I have no such desires or illusions that women are better than men. I guess the point that I am trying to address is that I just hope that women being treated the same way as the men. It is more of being an “equalist” rather than being a feminist.

Relationships should be 50-50 and not 60-40 or sometimes 80-20. It should be a coming together of two hearts and minds and not one mind or heart controlling the other. It shouldn’t be about two halves trying to become one but two wholes wanting to be one. It may seem that I have idealistic views about relationship well I have to think this way after all I view relationships as for keeps which is what it is supposed to be. If I am in my teens maybe I will not think this way but I am in my late twenties much as I don’t want it to happen. It is not anymore a play or a game that two people can play but more of something that will stand through the ups and downs, through the good and the bad of life.

Some may say that I have unrealistic expectations about relationship, maybe I do. I just thought that it’s good to set some expectations. I used to have a list but now I realized the list is really irrelevant. I guess it was just my way to set some ground rules for myself but a guy doesn’t necessarily need to fit into that specific list. I realized that the person that I will decide to love will eventually find himself fitting into that list without trying to. Instead of fitting the list to the person, the person will somehow find himself fitting into that list.
I believe that it is very important that two people complement each other. When one is “go, go” kind of person, one should be the calm one and vice versa. I used to think that for a relationship to work, two people must be similar. However now I think differently, if both are too much of the same type I think there will come a point that it becomes too much. I think it is essential to find some balance in the relationship. It is also important that both people involved should bring out the best in each other and not the worst. Mutual respect and acceptance of the other is also the key. It is also important that the role, views and opinions of one another is validated by the other person. It is also important that before jumping into a relationship both parties are also already secure enough in their own skins to allow another human being in. I believe that insecurity is the root of all problems. If a person has internal issues and he or she hasn’t been able to face it, some actually expect the other person to fulfill it is just asking themselves to head into unchartered territory. We should not expect the other person to fulfill the void that we feel because no matter what they do it wouldn’t be able to measure up as long as we are not even fully aware of what we heading into. The other person’s happiness should be essential to the other and that can only be done if one is already aware of what makes him or her happy and is actually happy by himself or herself.