A "Dear John" letter - my version

I miss writing! I write when I am happy. When I am sad. When I am inspired. Not being able to write or not having the will do so makes me feel like I am devoid of feelings that a normal human being should feel. Believe me it isn't the best feeling in the world. I used to be able to finish a poem in less than 10 minutes and now I cannot even think of anything to write. What is up with me? So, I decided to go through my collection of poems and I found this poem that I wrote some 4 years ago when I was pretty much going through the same feelings that I am feeling right now.... confusion. I consider this the best poem that I have ever written. Maybe because it is raw. I didnt hold back emotions. I poured out all those pent up emotions that have been bottled up inside. It was liberating! It was freeing. I just wish that I felt free after writing that poem. I was but only for some time because without me knowing it, the supposed recipient of that poem is kind of making his presence felt once again. Unless he is indeed entering again or I am just hallucinating or wishful thinking that he is. I do not know! Maybe it was the effect of the past Valentine's Day that is why I am feeling like this. Who knows. Anyway, this is my version of what was supposed to be a "Dear John" letter, when I was supposedly letting go.

So many I need to say
before I go on my way
too much emotion, effort and time
most of all, putting my sanity on the line.

Words left unsaid,
matters left undone,
just leave things hanging,
than to be forever waiting.

Shouldn’t have trusted,
shouldn’t have believed
no one else to blame but myself
getting involved in this whole charade.

Too scared?
or totally unprepared?
whatever it is...
the truth, I only seek.

But truth proved too elusive,
too out of grasp,
shielded so much by facade,
buried underneath all that crap.

Day by day, I grow number
amazed how I even bother
urging myself to stay
until it becomes difficult to get away

Couldn’t shed a tear,
yet, couldn’t stop to care
staring at a blank wall,
no one there to catch my fall.

Trust you, I did
was met however by a cold wind
left behind to pick up the pieces
remnants of broken promises.

I need to rise above
before I cannot anymore love
or care or even feel
for I sure deserve something real.

Move on I must do
face the music without you
hard as it may, but I need
turn the other way and leave.

Through all things here and gone,
after all that’s been said and done,
still one thing left to say,
Goodbye and maybe we’ll see again someday.