Life in a Fish Bowl

I spent a good amount of time staring at the fish tank that my aunt has at their house. It is well made with live corals, 2 clownfish (reminiscent of Nemo) and 3 of those blue fish that are not Dori. Those who watched "Finding Nemo" knows what I am talking about. It was a surprise to me that I was so enthralled as I watched these fishes live in this place that is not exactly home but it is near to home that they can ever be. They clamored along with the other habitats of the tank for food. I even saw once when one of the clownfish and one of those blue fish were butting heads, fighting for food. I was particularly protective of the clownfish, I don't know why! Maybe it was all because of the movie or maybe because the clownfish was minding its own business and the blue one just attacked him. I cheer for the underdog.

As I was gazing at the marvel before me, it got me thinking.. so this is how it is to live life in a fish bowl. I wondered what the clownfish was feeling fully aware that I was watching its every move. Hurt? Scared? Puzzled? Wondering why? Happy? Sad? Oblivious? I think, maybe the reason why I was protective of the clownfish was because it reminded me of me. I didn't have to ask the clownfish what it felt like, I just had to look at myself to know what it felt like because I know that there have been times that I felt like I live in a fish bowl myself. People are gawking on who I am, what I do, where I am...pretty much like myself as I was looking at the clownfish.

Living in a small city with a family name that a lot of people know is much like living in a fish bowl. People are quick to judge on who they think I am. Quick to misinterpret my every actions when all I am doing is living my life. Sometimes, on alert to see when I will commit a mistake in order for them to talk about it. I have not been one to be so concerned about what other people think of me. I have been misjudged as "suplada" and "mataray" just because I am not quick to say hello to every person I cross my paths with. Why should I when I do not know them! I never let it bother me then and definitely not now. Funny thing is, as people get to know me now, they realize that I am not as half as bad as they thought I was. I am frank to some degree yes and that bothers some people. I have opinions and I do not hesitate to express them. I do not see anything wrong with that. I will be who I want to be. Besides, the only opinions that matter to me are those of my family and friends who need not gawk to know me. Those who see way beyond what their eyes allow them to see. They are the ones that matter to me and no one else.

But it cannot be denied that there are still people who find my life so fascinating no matter how mundane or boring I think it is. There are some who look at my life as a source of their entertainment. I can just imagine how uneventful their life may be to find mine so entertaining. But it has been part of my reality that I have learned to accept and live with. I cannot allow myself to be consumed by it because it does not seem like it is going to change any time soon. Why fight it when I can just live with it no matter how much I disagree or how much it makes me uncomfortable, just like the clownfish in that small tank of psuedo-saltwater.

Going back to the clownfish, I don't stare that much anymore. I just let the fish live its life the best way it can considering the limitations that has been presented to it. The fish seem to adjust to its new found way of life, I might as well with mine. Not much to do but adapt. In time, people will get tired and eventually stop gawking. Until then, live life to the fullest because we never know until when we will have it.