My sister, Camille wrote a post in her blog which brought back not-so great memories of the year before. I don't think I ever really came to grips with it. Sure, I grieved. Sure I was angry. Sure I was hurt. Sure, I cried but until now I still wonder what happened.
Twelve years ago when Papa first voiced his desire to run for public office, it was met with apprehension and opposition. I remember asking him why he wanted to run. I remember his answer very vividly "because I want to help people!". "But you can help people without having to go into politics!" was my reply. He did not say anything else after that. Try as we may to discourage him from running for office to a point of Mama saying that she was going to leave for the States but of course she never did, we failed in our efforts. Papa was set on running for office whether we agreed with it or not. Of course, we couldn't abandon him in the time that he needed us the most so with apprehension, we relented and supported him because this is what he wanted to do.
Unlike other children of public servants (I refuse to call Papa a politician), we didn't really bask in its glow. In fact, we try to shy away from it. I don't think people even knew that we are his children even when we were already in front of them. It was great to still have that certain level of anonymity and we treasured our privacy. It was just a good thing that Papa also tried with all his might to separate his public life from his private life. As much as possible he didn't hold meetings at our house and only those close to him really knew where we lived. It doesn't really make a big difference since we came from a small city anyway but still. My siblings and I tried with all our might to be the anti-thesis of your typical children of those in politics. We knew we lived in a fish bowl. We knew that our every move would be closely observed and scrutinized. This is why all of us made a conscious effort to make sure that people will have nothing on us. We never allowed the position that he now holds to define who we are. We lived our lives as normal as possible. We lived our lives like we always lived it. We are still Papa's children, his position in the government is not going to change that nor would we allow it to change. A lot of people have told us to take advantage of it but we didn't feel good doing so. This is one thing that we are very proud of to this very day.
For 9 years he was boardmember for the 2nd District of Leyte and after that 3 years of being the Vice Governor. Then election 2004 came, he thought that he would seek higher office so he decided to run for Congress. We knew that this was going to be a risky move and a costly one at that. Not to mention dangerous since he will be up against the incumbent who for some reasons always felt that Papa was a thorn in her flesh. We knew the inner makings of this opponent and we knew how she works. It was going to be a tough battle but Papa thought it was time and so we supported him like always. They may have won the election but for sure for a moment there we gave them quite a fight, one that they will always remember. We gave them a tough fight, so tough that they had to bring out their biggest artillery - money just to make sure that they would win the election. Money that isn't theirs in the first place. We sure made them sweat big time. They gloated when they won but what is good with winning when it wasn't done in the most honorable way. We may have lost the election but we didn't lose self-respect and dignity. I do not know if they can say the same thing about themselves. It just goes to show to what great lengths people will go just to hang on and cling on to a position they hold so dearly. If I sound bitter, yes I am to some degree but not because we didn't win but because of the circumstances why we didn't.
We were confident that people have matured, that they will vote wisely but once again we were disappointed. It looked promising but in the end money still called the shots. People said we were cheated. I know that for a fact. I didn't have to be there to know that but what more can we do. What can we do if the people wanted what they don't deserve and need?
I was in the state of shock and disbelief. I felt like taking the first plane out to be with my family but I know that Papa and Mama would just be more disheartened. I had to be strong for my family. Mama, bless her heart kept a brave front for everyone when inside she was deeply hurt. My brother and sisters were all disheartened, saddened, disappointed, frustrated, hurt and at times angry. My sister's other entry pretty much summed up what they were feeling back home. Me, I didn't know what to say or how to react or how to feel. Once it was confirmed that we didn't win the election, I decided to go to a church with the full intention of crying my eyes out. But once I was there I could only sit and stare at the altar. I was numb. I knew I needed to cry or shout or be angry or anything. By this time, Papa had apologized to us his children. Apologize for what? For believing and hoping that people will be receptive to his brand of public service? He said he made the wrong decision. Papa didn't make a wrong decision, the people made a wrong decision, one that they would have to live with for the next 3 years. Then Christy called me to ask how I was and before I knew it, I was bawling. I cried like I never cried before. I knew that as friends they will allow me to do that and she did. I think what stopped me from crying before with my family was that fact that I didn't want them to suffer more than they already were. Had they known how I was feeling, it would just make them more sad and that's the last thing I wanted them to feel. They already had enough issues to deal with I didn't feel good adding to it.
It has been one year! So many things have changed. Papa is more at home now with Mama. Sometimes it's a good thing, sometimes it's not. Having spent 12 years of his life serving people, it was quite a change not doing it all of a sudden. He needed to adjust again and sometimes it wasn't a pretty sight. We try to be more understanding and empathetic, he is slowly getting there. He is not really totally out of the whole scene because at least some people acknowledge his efforts, wisdom and opinion. He is still serving the people just not holding an elected position. In my opinion this is better because at least his judgment wouldn't be clouded by what other people's opinion would be or whether they are going to like it or not. His concern would be if it is going to be beneficial to everyone in the long run. He is still angry sometimes and saddened by the events as all of us. I think more than being angry we are disappointed, frustrated and saddened that people turned their backs on us but at least in this way we know now who our real supporters are. Papa is still contemplating of running for office again. If the family will be asked, we prefer that he doesn't anymore but just like 12 years ago no matter how much we oppose, he will still go ahead with it. All we can do is just be there for him and support him. I just hope that the people have learned something by that time. I don't think Papa deserves to go through it again. Actually if the same thing happens again then maybe the people of Leyte are not only ready for Papa's brand of politics but they do not deserve him.
Twelve years ago when Papa first voiced his desire to run for public office, it was met with apprehension and opposition. I remember asking him why he wanted to run. I remember his answer very vividly "because I want to help people!". "But you can help people without having to go into politics!" was my reply. He did not say anything else after that. Try as we may to discourage him from running for office to a point of Mama saying that she was going to leave for the States but of course she never did, we failed in our efforts. Papa was set on running for office whether we agreed with it or not. Of course, we couldn't abandon him in the time that he needed us the most so with apprehension, we relented and supported him because this is what he wanted to do.
Unlike other children of public servants (I refuse to call Papa a politician), we didn't really bask in its glow. In fact, we try to shy away from it. I don't think people even knew that we are his children even when we were already in front of them. It was great to still have that certain level of anonymity and we treasured our privacy. It was just a good thing that Papa also tried with all his might to separate his public life from his private life. As much as possible he didn't hold meetings at our house and only those close to him really knew where we lived. It doesn't really make a big difference since we came from a small city anyway but still. My siblings and I tried with all our might to be the anti-thesis of your typical children of those in politics. We knew we lived in a fish bowl. We knew that our every move would be closely observed and scrutinized. This is why all of us made a conscious effort to make sure that people will have nothing on us. We never allowed the position that he now holds to define who we are. We lived our lives as normal as possible. We lived our lives like we always lived it. We are still Papa's children, his position in the government is not going to change that nor would we allow it to change. A lot of people have told us to take advantage of it but we didn't feel good doing so. This is one thing that we are very proud of to this very day.
For 9 years he was boardmember for the 2nd District of Leyte and after that 3 years of being the Vice Governor. Then election 2004 came, he thought that he would seek higher office so he decided to run for Congress. We knew that this was going to be a risky move and a costly one at that. Not to mention dangerous since he will be up against the incumbent who for some reasons always felt that Papa was a thorn in her flesh. We knew the inner makings of this opponent and we knew how she works. It was going to be a tough battle but Papa thought it was time and so we supported him like always. They may have won the election but for sure for a moment there we gave them quite a fight, one that they will always remember. We gave them a tough fight, so tough that they had to bring out their biggest artillery - money just to make sure that they would win the election. Money that isn't theirs in the first place. We sure made them sweat big time. They gloated when they won but what is good with winning when it wasn't done in the most honorable way. We may have lost the election but we didn't lose self-respect and dignity. I do not know if they can say the same thing about themselves. It just goes to show to what great lengths people will go just to hang on and cling on to a position they hold so dearly. If I sound bitter, yes I am to some degree but not because we didn't win but because of the circumstances why we didn't.
We were confident that people have matured, that they will vote wisely but once again we were disappointed. It looked promising but in the end money still called the shots. People said we were cheated. I know that for a fact. I didn't have to be there to know that but what more can we do. What can we do if the people wanted what they don't deserve and need?
I was in the state of shock and disbelief. I felt like taking the first plane out to be with my family but I know that Papa and Mama would just be more disheartened. I had to be strong for my family. Mama, bless her heart kept a brave front for everyone when inside she was deeply hurt. My brother and sisters were all disheartened, saddened, disappointed, frustrated, hurt and at times angry. My sister's other entry pretty much summed up what they were feeling back home. Me, I didn't know what to say or how to react or how to feel. Once it was confirmed that we didn't win the election, I decided to go to a church with the full intention of crying my eyes out. But once I was there I could only sit and stare at the altar. I was numb. I knew I needed to cry or shout or be angry or anything. By this time, Papa had apologized to us his children. Apologize for what? For believing and hoping that people will be receptive to his brand of public service? He said he made the wrong decision. Papa didn't make a wrong decision, the people made a wrong decision, one that they would have to live with for the next 3 years. Then Christy called me to ask how I was and before I knew it, I was bawling. I cried like I never cried before. I knew that as friends they will allow me to do that and she did. I think what stopped me from crying before with my family was that fact that I didn't want them to suffer more than they already were. Had they known how I was feeling, it would just make them more sad and that's the last thing I wanted them to feel. They already had enough issues to deal with I didn't feel good adding to it.
It has been one year! So many things have changed. Papa is more at home now with Mama. Sometimes it's a good thing, sometimes it's not. Having spent 12 years of his life serving people, it was quite a change not doing it all of a sudden. He needed to adjust again and sometimes it wasn't a pretty sight. We try to be more understanding and empathetic, he is slowly getting there. He is not really totally out of the whole scene because at least some people acknowledge his efforts, wisdom and opinion. He is still serving the people just not holding an elected position. In my opinion this is better because at least his judgment wouldn't be clouded by what other people's opinion would be or whether they are going to like it or not. His concern would be if it is going to be beneficial to everyone in the long run. He is still angry sometimes and saddened by the events as all of us. I think more than being angry we are disappointed, frustrated and saddened that people turned their backs on us but at least in this way we know now who our real supporters are. Papa is still contemplating of running for office again. If the family will be asked, we prefer that he doesn't anymore but just like 12 years ago no matter how much we oppose, he will still go ahead with it. All we can do is just be there for him and support him. I just hope that the people have learned something by that time. I don't think Papa deserves to go through it again. Actually if the same thing happens again then maybe the people of Leyte are not only ready for Papa's brand of politics but they do not deserve him.
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