Fraud

felt like the biggest fraud sitting there
couldn't bear to look at them straight
kept my head down most of the time
each words ringing in my ear
each prayer felt like a knot around me, tightening
at one point I couldn't breathe

the thing is I did no wrong
the people concerned seemed fine and at peace
as each words spoken
felt like shouting "hear that?"
I bit my tongue
but my heart wanted to burst out

not being judgmental
but how can you sit there and pray
when the very reason you are praying for
you can't seem to let go
how can you pray for healing
when you refuse to heal from within?

the problem isn't with the world
but you seem to think so
truth be told you are part of the problem
that doesn't seem to wane
yet, here you are praying
when you could be doing something

you seek for peace
when there is turmoil within
you seek for others to be enlightened
when you are the one who needs it
you seek for continued guidance
when you yourself is lost

last night was just the first night
how many more nights are there?
eight more days I think or maybe more
more days that I will keep my head down
or maybe I find myself out of the house
one thing is sure I don't think I can look straight up to those eyes.

how come you can?