No to drama

As much as possible I do not like drama in my life. If I want drama, I will watch TV. I avoid drama as much as I can but for some reasons it always finds a way to reach me. If it is not me directly, it is the people around me I care about and before I know it I am involved in the whole drama. Geez! This weekend was no different. As soon as Friday rolled in, my cousin had a drama with her boyfriend which is making her think twice if this relationship of hers is all worth it. I have never seen her this pissed and frustrated at this guy. So I guess this is one of his misgivings that she is not able to deal with. I am basically one of those people that she opens up to so there I was listening to her as she ranted. I just hope that I was able to impart in her something but then again ultimately it is her decision. The whole weekend she was pretty much pissed so I was just there to listen. Then Monday came, I was chatting with my sister on YM and she was also in a pissy mood. It turned out she and my other cousin are not on speaking terms. Basically the gist is my sister is overly stressed with school and orgs and my cousin is overly stressed as well with school and problems with the boyfriend. A misunderstanding ensued, they got into each others nerves and now they have not spoken to each other for 2 days. The weird thing is they share a room. Being the "Ate" that I am, I tried to get to the bottom of it especially since my sister and our cousin are pretty much joined at the hip and for them not to talk to each other, it is a big thing. My friends have told me that I have always been "neutral" among our group of friends. I always thought it was a good thing but now I am starting to think twice. I don't necessarily take the other person's side but I just make whoever I am talking to think on what may be going on inside the other person's head. So that was what I did to my sister. Apparently, she expected more from me because instead of being pacified and her anger to wane she has now turned her anger on me. She said she doesn't need opinions. Great! What does she expect me to say? I cannot automatically take her side or what have you without knowing the other side of the story. I always believed that there are 2 sides of the story and the truth. I am not going to take her side just cause she is my sister. In other situations, maybe but at this point I am not going to because it also involves my cousin. My whole intention why I asked her to relay to me what happened was for me to know and understand and maybe for her to hear what exactly it is that is the problem. Sometimes, people tend to only hear what they want to hear and believe, but by saying it loud sometimes, the tune becomes different and we look at the whole situation differently. At the same time, I did not want her to bottle all her emotions in because that is even more destructive and a bigger distraction. A distraction that she does not need right now. I guess my sister was still stressed out because instead of calming down she has displaced her anger at me. It turned out that the more that I asked her to tell me what happened, she was getting all worked up all over again and was getting even more mad. She signed off YM without even saying a decent bye which felt like the same as the phone being banged on me. "C, I know you are mad but as if getting mad at me is going to make you less mad at Y. Give her and yourself time! I am not the one that you are angry at!" There, that's my final say on this matter.

Some of my relatives are overly-dramatic as well. They are supposed to be adults but sometimes they act worse than the spoiled brats of all spoiled brats! It's annoying! Sometimes, my younger cousins have more sense than all of my aunts and uncles on my mom's side combined. The thing is some of them let their own personal issues with each other cloud their relationship with the most important person at this point.. my Lola, their mother. Lola lost Lolo almost 4 years ago. She lost her partner of 65 years. We all prayed diligently that the sadness over Lolo's death will not overcome her and that she will choose to join Lolo. Good thing our prayers were answered. She is still strong and energetic at her age of 84. But, if illness is not going to bring my Lola down it is her own children who will be the cause of it. Sometimes, I am glad that my Mom is in the Philippines, far away from the drama that her siblings are creating. I am not the eldest among the grandchildren, I think I am the 15th out of 43 cousins but I feel sometimes that I am more sensible than my eldest cousin, "hindi sa nagbubuhat ako ng bangko". Instead of pacifying her aunts and uncles, sometimes she adds to it much to my dismay. Sure, she wont be able to mouth off to our older aunts and uncles but I think they will be more compelled to listen to her than to any of us. Everything is such an issue for them. They make a mountain out of an anthill. All the psychology lessons I have already reviewed and frankly, I do not know what is wrong with them. I try to be more empathetic because it must have been hard growing up one of 15 children, but come on now get over it. They have their own families already, some even have their own grandchildren but they still hold on to ancient hurt feelings and grudges. I once read an email of "20 Truths to Live By". One of them was "a grudge is a heavy load to carry!". So true! What is the point of holding grudges and pent-up feelings of long gone when all it does is destroy the person within. My relatives probably think that they are hurting each other but they do not realize that more than hurting others, they are hurting their own selves. They also do not realize that them carrying all that baggage prevents them from having meaningful relationships not only with their own family members but with others as well. My sister said I am brave for being able to endure living with relatives, especially relatives like these. I wish I was braver though to knock some sense into their stubborn heads and make them realize that Lola does not have a long road before her. I am guilty of being apathetic sometimes too out of my annoyance. I chose not to get entangled with their issues. I am not going to feed their bruised feelings just so they will feel that they are in the "right". Ang hilig hilig pang maghanap ng kakampi. I feel that people who seek validation that what they are doing is right isn't sure themselves that what they are doing is right. My aunts and uncles, instead of squabbling, they should cherish the time that they have left with her. Baka sa huli pa ang pagsisisi! As if maririnig pa sila! Don't get me wrong, they are genuinely nice people if only they will be nicer to each other. I am sure that will make Lola happier and at peace.