Speechless

Literally.

I have lost my voice and its not due to the fight last Saturday. I may have laryngitis so I was put on antibiotics already. My voice ranges from audible to almost whisper in the same sentence. I have to refrain from talking which is tough. On the positive side though, this means that I wont be able to take phone calls at work. Yay! I am really not doing much to do something about it. I still put ice in my water and I am still eating ice cream. Its Haagen Dazs Green Tea. Its only for a limited time. I know excuses..excuses. But its really good. Its not too sweet and its so silky smooth. I have finished a pint already in a span of a week and I am ready to get another one.

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Anthony Bourdain is one of my favorite chefs/food show host. He has this quirky way of describing the food he tries and best of all he is really open to trying new things and immersing himself into the culture that he is featuring. I have been hoping that he would feature the Philippines soon and show the world that there is more to our food than balut or dinuguan. So I was so excited to know that his show on The Travel Channel called No Reservation is having a fan casting-call. Its a chance for a fan to be his travel companion in one of his upcoming episodes. Marvin of Burnt Lumpia sent in a video. Marvin is really passionate about Filipino food and its so heartwarming to read his posts as he discovers Filipino cuisine on his own. I agree with Marvin that Filipino cuisine is so much more than balut. Sad to say when people think of Filipino cuisine all they think about are the weird and bizarre foods we eat. We have more to offer than that. This could be a chance for people to be enlightened. I wish Marvin all the best. You can watch his audition video from his blog or here.

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Reading Gail's post about Leyte Dance Theater made me homesick. Its been awhile since I watched their performance. I think it was probably 3 or 4 years ago. They had a US tour sometime last year I believe but there was a conflict in schedule so I wasn't able to watch it. I hope they have a tour again. I count myself lucky that I was sort of part of it for a short time. Some of the original members were my teachers when I started ballet lessons when I was 5 until I was 10. That was for 5 summers. I fondly call the founder Tito Jess and he was my last instructor before I quit. I still get that yearning from time to time especially after watching their performances. If you want to see videos of some of their performances, someone was nice enough to upload it on Youtube. But this has to be my favorite. Here is part 1 of the dance. It still makes me cry and gives me goosebumps when I watch it.

Head in a fog

That's what I feel today.

I feel like there's a ton of bricks on top of my head. Its so heavy. Its so heavy that I feel the strain at the back of my neck. My neck is trying its darndest to keep me afloat today. My BP was low yesterday. Not that low but lower than what is considered normal. I took 100mg of Tylenol which helped.

I know I should have listened to my boss' advice, who also happens to be a doctor that I should rest. But nope, I am here at work, trying to be productive when I really don't feel good. I don't think I will be rest anyway at home. Either I will be online or watching tv. That's still not resting.

My head is so heavy. My throat is dry and itchy. My neck hurts. My cough is back. I am just waiting for the colds to come back and this is already an encore presentation. Geez! I think that's why my head hurts because my cold is still trapped somewhere. This is what they call head cold. I'd rather have runny nose than this heavy feeling. Argh!

Classic

I was watching the Onsite video of the wedding of RJ Ledesma and Vanessa Pastor from Jason Magbanua's site. He (Jason) posted the video of RJ's famous Royal Tru-Orange commercial in the late 80's and boy did it bring back memories. If I know the exact year this was shown, I would know how many years it has been. Vanessa, on the other hand was a model for Penshoppe and I think the very first batch. I remember liking her before after seeing her photos from the print and tv ads of Penshoppe. I may have even cut out her photos from newspapers and magazines. Yes, I was that into tv that I remember commercials and they were part of my viewing pleasure. She was the girl with a hat on a boat with someone in one of the commercials. I saw that particular clip again when I watched the photo montage that Jason Magbanua made for their wedding. Wow! It was nice seeing it again. The RTO and the Penshoppe commercials are already classics and I would be so glad to see them again. Well, the RTO is on YouTube. The Penshoppe one isn't.

updates and more updates

My lips are dry and chapped and a bit painful. I hope it just badly needs some lip balm and not an indication of something hmmm like a fever.

People at home are coughing and sneezing again. Oh my! Some people call it the "winter virus" because it never seems to go away. Its like the waves in the ocean..it comes and goes..comes and goes..never really leaving.

My throats is itchy again. I really hope that I am not getting anything or coming down with anything again. I know I need to rest and for some strange reason I only get to do that when I am about to get sick. But I promise this time I will really take better care of myself. Its my birthday month, I don't want to be sick on my birthday.

My head hurts and it feels heavy too!

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I think I may have unconsciously (and partially) given up tv watching for Lent. Almost everyone I know has given up something for Lent except for my sister and myself. We didn't give up anything or so I thought. For the past few days I haven't really been watching tv much. If you know me and know how I can get glued to the tv for long periods of time, the time I have spent watching tv lately isn't much. Its usually for just shows that are having finales like Project Runway that I watch. Other than that, I have been retreating to my room and sleeping or reading. I don't even watch the news.

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My sister and I semi-stalked this one girl at mall because we liked the jacket that she was wearing. I don't think asking her about the jacket two times classifies as stalking but when the second trip to ask her was intentionally and planned well, I guess it is. Boo though we went to the store that she mentioned where she (or her friend) got it and its not there anymore. Its not even in the store's website. I hope we see it somewhere.

ETA: She works in one of the stores so its not like we chased her around the mall.

I am so glad my sister is here. I thought I wouldn't say that but I am (peace Jehann!). We just decided to meet up at the mall, have lunch and went around. Yes, we did some shopping which was fun. We got matching jackets LOL yellow at that. No, its not some uniform but since we live in different houses during the week, its not that easy to trade clothes unless they become frisbees of some sort. So, getting identical ones is the next best option.

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So Daylight Savings Time has begun. I don't know its so early but I welcome it. At least there's still sunlight when I get home which allows me to do more things. If there is still daylight, I am less compelled to laze around and take naps. Its just a waste of sunshine to do that. Sayang ang araw! I hope that will translate going to the gym more often.

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I guess it already reached almost everyone's consciousness about the mockery that was the Bb. Pilipinas pageant over the weekend. I am not going to post the Youtube clip. I think she has been viewed way too much already. I didn't get to watch it because well I had other things to do plus my uncle doesn't have PinoyTV. But, my aunt let me on the scoop. When my aunt was telling us about it, I guess my aunt wasn't aware of what the results was because she made no mention of it but that very same girl is now the Philippines representative to the Ms. World pageant. Goodness! Hearing stories like these made me miss my cousins back in Manila. The three of us used to have a ritual when it was beauty pageant season in the Philippines. On the day of the show, we make sure we have a steady supply of ice cream and cake and we position ourselves in front of the tv and wait for the Q&A portion. We get a kick at how some of the candidates answer the question. That is usually the highlight of the show for us. Mean of us I know!

Friday afternoon eclipse

Why is it that most work-related problems appear on Fridays? Why is it that I am busiest during Fridays? Grrr! Today was no exception. I had to put my "game face" on and its not helping that the OM (the same one) is stressing out. Hmm hello I already answered pretty much all the questions of the inspector. All she (OM) needs to do is prep the supporting documents needed. Shouldn't I be the one stressing out?

But anyway, my whole stressful Friday was overshadowed by this news...

Daniel Henney is Agent Zero in "Wolverine".

Okay, I am not going to pretend I know who "Agent Zero" is. I know "Wolverine" though from the X-Men cartoons and movies. But I know nothing about "Agent Zero". All I know is I like Daniel Henney enough to get to know "Agent Zero" I have followed his career ever since he started on the Korean Drama "My Name Is Kim Sam Soon". He has improved and has gotten good breaks. Him, getting casted for a major Hollywood film is really something. Yay for Daniel Henney!

Debut pictures are up!

The pictures from my niece's 18th birthday party over the weekend can now be seen here.

Ang Waiter

I am so excited to read that one of my favorite bloggers, WaiterRant is coming out with a book. In fact, it is already about to be released - August 2008. I am really excited to get a copy of this book. I am sure like his posts, this book will be full of his sarcasm, cynicism and wit. I have mentioned it before that since reading his blog, I have been more sensitive to the servers at restaurants. I hope more people find humor and lessons from his stories through this book. It would be a nice and subtle gift to those I know who are not so nice to waiters.

Sumalyay (Sommelier)

I am not going to pretend that I know wines or that I am so fond of it when up until four years ago I have never had a glass of it. When benefits of red wine to reducing cholesterol came to light, my relatives even my grandma, started drinking red wine. I wasn't one of those who got all giddy and excited and I would usually just drink it when a glass is shoved at me. I drink a few sips and pass it on to my uncle or cousin. That is until I started getting the hang of it. It is an acquired taste at first. But now I do know sorta the types of wines and I do prefer white over red. I like the smoothness of the white. Some reds can be so tart. But I guess it depends on who makes it. I've tasted red that I like and the names escape me now.

I haven't really gone out to buy for one my own. I usually depend on my uncle, cousin or friends. But after reading Marvin's blog about the very first Filipino family owned and operated winery in San Luis Obispo County, I feel like getting some. Its called Eden Canyon Vineyards. Its owned and operated by a father and daughter team of Danny and Elaine Villamin. I like what Elaine said in one news article that appeared in the San Francisco Chronicle that "we're definitely carrying on a tradition, not by our family, but by our people." That is so impressive and makes me so proud.

Another thing that sets them apart, I guess, is that they are educating people on how to pair their wines with Filipino food. Imagine that. Who would have thought of pairing wines with simple and yet complex Filipino dishes. Another thing was the family's tenacity, well actually the dad's tenacity to rebuild his vineyard after it was gutted down by a fire in 1996. His entire family thought he was insane but he persevered and he is reaping the fruits (no pun intended) now. Their wines have won awards and have been given to the nominees and presenters at the Grammys. I love how they interject their heritage into each and everything they do like the labels.

So, I guess this means a road trip to San Luis Obispo is on the way. I have been wanting to go back and eat at this quaint Italian restaurant where my aunt, uncle and I ate on our way back from the Bay Area. That was some 5 years ago I think and I still kept the business card. Eden Canyon Vineyards is one more reason to plan that trip. When would that be?

Near the shallow end

I found an evening bag that is of the same fabric and color as my purple shoes for this weekend's debut of my niece. I got it on sale too. At first, I didn't think it would match but I was hoping that at least be close to the color of shoes. Its really hard to find a perfect match of accessories unless they come as a set so I was really pleased that they matched. Its a bit small for me but its okay. I would just have to make do with what I have.

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Sunday will be so hectic. I was hoping that all I need to do was just show up. Then, my cousin asked me to take care of the back-up videocam. Okay as if I know how to work one or ever worked with one. I am scared that it will look like the movies "The Blairwitch Project" or "Cloverfield" in terms of video quality. I think the party being in a boat is already worthy of a dose of Bonamine, I dont want them to need another one when they watch the video. Well, as long as there's a tripod, I should be good. Then, last weekend, I was informed that we will be going there early to set up the ribbons on the Tiffany chairs. Great! The ribbons cannot be made in advance because they were not able to borrow one that I can use as a guide. Making ribbons is not easy. I got volunteered again to help. I just hope it will be quick. Good thing I declined all requests to do people's make-up. What usually happens is everyone else looks good and I look like it was half-hazardly done which is usually the case. During Lola's party 2 years ago, I changed at the bathroom at the venue with its poor lighting and all. This time around I am not going to let it happen.

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I enjoy watching Bravo's "Project Runway" and "Make Me A Supermodel". I like Thursdays because I am usually by my lonesome at home and its that the day Bravo airs the marathon episodes of these shows. I have the whole night of uninterrupted viewing. I am rooting for either Jillian or Rami for PR. I think Christian is really talented but the attitude turns me off. As for MMAS, I like Perry, Holly, Shannon and Ronnie. Perry has a lot of potential and between the two girls I think Shannon has what it takes. Ronnie is so gay which I dont mind but he can pull off being hetero as well. At least he has range but I am not sure if his "matinee idol" looks would allow him to stay. I want him to though, he makes the show really interesting.

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This day is going by ridiculously slow. Come on its a Friday!! Geez!

Defying logic

Now I really am going to go on a power trip if she will insist on this filing system. This filing system in place in this crazy office (that's what I am calling them now) defies all rules of logic. My immediate boss and I were raking our minds trying to find a logical reason why charts in this crazy office is the way it is and for that entire hour ride, we couldn't think of one. We couldn't come up with one because well, there isn't one, plain and simple.

Charts in the two offices are arranged alphabetically, regardless of what insurance coverage they have. Its efficient and convenient that way when you serve a population that changes coverage rather often. The rule is..first 3 letters of the last name and then for multiple people with the same last name, go by the first name, A..B..C.... Easy to understand and implement. Anyone can handle that. BUT for reasons beyond me, the way the filing system in this crazy office is first 2 letters of the last name and then first letter of first name. so ROmero, Carlos (ROC) is before ROdriguez, Delfin (ROD). That's how the letter sticker appears on the side of the chart and that's what they go with. Where is the logic in that????? It defies all laws of alphabetizing if such a thing exists. No wonder my immediate boss was asking if what could be the reason why they cant seem to always find charts and have to make duplicates. Well, there's your reason right there. No wonder they take too long finding charts or if they are lucky enough to find it. Anak ng... Nakakagigil talaga!!

I was scared that the same was going to be started in the other 2 clinics to make everything uniform. So I checked and good thing it was still filed the way it should be. Though the letter stickers are already being implemented, I told them to follow what has been done for the past 10 years. My staff in the other offices did tell me that they were told to follow this crazy office's filing system. Hell no! I told them no way and if someone tells them otherwise to tell me. I will raise hell, that's for sure.

I am all for change. I am receptive to it for as long as its going to make things more efficient and easier. But in order for me to agree to this "filing system", they have to convince me the logic behind it AND to prove to me that its more accurate, more efficient and quicker. If not all these qualifications are met, I will fight it for as long as I can. They think they have seen me at my worst, well they are about to find out if they keep this up. I know it will create division among all three clinics and create friction between me and her but I cannot agree to something so absurd and illogical. Besides, why are the two clinics following this crazy clinic? They were the ones who came on board, they follow the existing one not because they have been here longest but because what they have works.

pucha ang tanga!!!

Reel 1; Frames 4-

So researchers finally have a study to back up what sounds like an excuse to shop - retail therapy. There's a new study that delved into the correlation between emotions and shopping. The study said that people's spending go out the window when they are down and especially when they are self-absorbed. Well, I am not depressed or sad or down and not really self-absorbed but I want this shoes from Old Navy.

Shoes na naman! Eh wala, I am really going to admit now that its my weakness. But in my defense I don't buy really expensive shoes. So there. I sure do come from the same province as ImeldaMarcos. 4 and a half heels!! I am wondering how I am going to walk in these. I think the thick heels will help. I like it and It doesn't help that Christine tried on a pair and told me that its really comfortable. Patay na!

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Is it so bad of me to squeeze in a meeting this weekend when I will be at my nephew/godson's birthday party? The venue of the meeting is close to my cousin's house where the party will be. Its a really important and urgent meeting. But another reason why I agreed to the meeting is so that it will get me out of the house. Its a children's party hence what some of the adults (hahaha) usually do is sit around the table and talk. Okay, gossip is more like it. It irritates me when some do that. Sure, hey I do gossip too sometimes. I am not going to be all hypocritical about that but its annoying if its about the same people and the same topic. Wala na bang ibang puwedeng pag-usapan? There's the presidential race...the shootings...shows on TFC..anything. Someone once said when we were talking about celebrities that why should she care about them when she doesn't know them. Well, its precisely my point, why I prefer to talk about celebrities. I don't know them, not personally, so no feelings will be hurt well not directly. Or maybe my mind is really just screwed up. In any rate, I have a meeting for Saturday night. Before that, I, along with a few other people will just have to stay away from that table.

Reel 1; Frames 1-3

Up until last night, I didn't have anything to wear yet for my niece's debut that is 10 days away (9 days now). I have shoes but no dress. When I got the shoes, I knew that I would be building my outfit from shoes up once again. I did have an idea what the look is in mind and where to get the dress. It was just the matter of getting it. So, finally last night, I went to get the dress and I got one more blouse in its wake. *sigh*. I am happy with how the look will turn out. If only hair and make-up will come that easy.

I knew I wasn't going to wear a long dress because I might be assigned to do something that a long length dress would be cumbersome. I was right. I already have an assignment which would pretty much require me to be all over the place. I just hope my shoes with its slim heels will be able to support me. If not, there's always good old flats as back up.

But, yikes, I don't have my wish ready. I am one of the 18 candles and I must prepare a wish or greeting for her. I don't have a clue what I am going to say.

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A funny, weird thing happened last night while having dinner. Its another testament as to how this world is really getting smaller by the minute. My cousin B and I met up after I did my errands to have dinner. We were on the fence whether we were going to have shabu-shabu or once again go to Gerry's Grill. The other restaurant, SweeteeThai was out of the equation since I wasn't feeling Thai food that night. We were still debating where to go and just decided when we were already within the complex. Gerry's Grill and the shabu-shabu place are just right next to each other. We picked Gerry's Grill and it turned out to be a good choice. The food was once again amazing. We got the grilled pusit (again!) and grilled tuna steak. As always, the grilled pusit/squid was good. But the tuna steak was great. It was grilled right, juicy, moist, flaky and full of flavor. No wonder this is one of their bestsellers and gets out of stock right away. Anyway, going back to why this is really a small world. First off when I told the guy in the front of my reservation, he looked familiar. He goes to the same church as I do and he went to the same elementary school s my cousins. The usual person at the concierge/front desk, a girl turned out to be our server. As we were looking at the menu, I saw my aunt's brother-in-law and said our hellos. Then as if that wasn't enough, the table right behind us included someone I haven't seen in probably two years..JP, who is, okay brace yourselves, the boyfriend of my brother's friend, Cat. I tried to get his attention, we after all were facing each other, to no avail. So I tried calling his phone which he didn't answer in my plain view. In his defense, I bet he was wondering why I would be calling plus he had company. So I sent him a text, asking "busog ka na?". I think he finally realized that either I have cameras at Gerry's Grill or I was in the same place. Finally, he looked around and saw me. That was a laugh trip plus embarrassing when he introduced me to his sister and his sister took our picture to show to Cat. We were standing in the middle of the dining area and our photos being taken. So we chatted a bit and found out that it was his birthday and they went there to celebrate. Good timing. Since they were there before us, naturally they left early. Then it was B's turn. She knew someone who is related to the executive chef so now B and Sheryl have formally been introduced. All Sheryl knew about B was that she (B) would always request for a sauce. Now, there's a name behind that request. We were the last diners to leave. It seems that we are starting to get cozy there. The staff didn't seem to mind but we cannot abuse our welcome.

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I knew I left a more than generous tip to Elaine last night. Well, she deserved it and yes I will admit I sort of have an ulterior motive. Elaine will go back to being at the front desk at some point and who knows it might score us a table quickly. But more than that, I pride myself for being a good tipper. If the service and the food merited it, why not give it. See, if the food and service sucked, naturally I wont be going back hence I couldn't care less if I left a tip or not at all. But, if I do have plans of going back, I will leave a good tip the first time so that the next time I go, I will be given the same kind of service if not a better one. Besides, I think servers take so much crap from people more than they deserve and I commend them for having the patience and the stomach to take all that in. I really felt for them after reading a waiter's blog - WaiterRant. It doesn't hurt to see the other side, be more sensitive and nice to your servers. They bring to you your food for goodness sakes. I want my food to come to me as it originally should be, with no added seasoning that are not supposed to be there. Being nice is my insurance to getting what I am supposed to get. I hope.

Plugged

As I mentioned in my post yesterday, as a Christmas present, albeit late, my sister Jehann gave me an mp3 player. Its not an IPOD. It's a Zune which is what I really wanted. Its so pretty and its in red which is my favorite color.

I don't know why but the ipod just never appealed to me hence my lack of eagerness to go and get one. But when I saw the Zune, I wanted it. I held off buying it right away since at some point it wasn't at the top of my priority. Then, as I was just planning to, Jehann said she will give it to me as a Christmas present. Since it would be an understatement to say that Christmas was chaotic, we never got around to getting it until last weekend. She sent me a text asking if a 4gb is fine and what color. I was at church so I wasn't able to respond right away. Next thing I know, her reply was she got the red one. Yay! Thank you Jehann!!

Why do I like thee? Well, for one thing I liked the big screen. It would be great watching a video while on the road. I liked how I don't have to convert a lot of my files because it supports a lot of formats - .wma, .mp4, .m4a, .m4b and .mp3 for audio; .wmv, and .m4v for video; and .jpg for photos. Syncing is easy. All I have to do is connect the device to the computer and drag and drop the files that I want. Best of all, the battery charges each time its connected to the computer. I have less cords to bring along. Its slim and thin and light. It looks like the nanos before they became wide but with bigger screen. I always had a problem with the pad of ipods. For some reasons it didn't cooperate with me so I am glad that the pad of the Zune is a lot less complicated and I tried it, its nice to me. I still have to try if the earphones will be as friendly. But at least that's easier to replace. It has an FM tuner too. It can also be wireless.

I came home late last night so I was planning of holding off putting files into the zune because I knew once I start I wont be able to stop and I had to sleep early. But did that happen? Not a chance. I sort of compromised okay I will just do the initial set-up, but did I follow that? Yeah right! I ended up putting some files into it that are already in my laptop and I ended up sleeping at 1 AM. Great! But I am so happy with it. I came to work and added more files. So far I have 130 songs which hardly caused a dent in the memory. I have only used 1/4 of its capacity but its a wait and see game. I still have a ton of cds at home to add. I try not to download songs online unless I really need to. I am going to go get something later to protect it.

4gb = approximately 1000 songs, 25000 pictures and up to 12 hours of video

I do feel though that my zune will be unpopular among my cousins because of what is in it. It doesn't have much of the mainstream music. It has a lot of Asian songs - OPM, Korean, Japanese, Taiwanese, and Chinese. So I am asking my friends who are into the same type of music to send those files my way. Those that actually have lyrics they will understand are either ballads, opera and electronica - not their type of music at all which works just fine with me. I cannot wait to test it - road trip..flight..gym.

And oh yeah while setting it up, the software asked me to name my Zune. I couldn't come up with a name so I skipped it...well for the meantime.

ETA: Another reason to like it is that the album art is shown when a song is played. If there is no image, I can always add the album art to go along with it.

Nameless

My sister has just renamed her dslr from "tsong" to "nigo". I don't know where she got that name. I envy people who give names to stuff that they have and hold dear. At first, I thought it was a bit weird naming them, as if I am giving them a personality when they are things..objects. But then, I realized naming them makes them my own..separate from every other things found at the store. But I have difficulty with it. I don't know why. I mean, some people, by just one look or as soon as they hold it, they can think of a name. Me? I grapple with it. It just doesn't come easy for me.

my laptop which is more than a year old...nameless
my dslr which is almost a year old...nameless
the digicam I had before the dslr which is almost 3 years old...still nameless
the blanket I've had since I was young, faded and torn...nameless
the mp3 player I am getting later (Thanks! Jehann ), I bet will be nameless

come to think of it..all my poems and short stories don't have titles themselves. I remember when we were told to write an essay and there was a ready title, I had difficulty with it. It felt stifling.

Imagine me, when the time comes, with a baby in my arms and someone asks me "what are you naming your child?" I will be "hmmm..." and staring at that person. Or worse if I would have to say "can I get back to you on that." Yikes!

In love....or in lust?

I have expressed my deep love for gladiator sandals here. I love it so much that I am really thinking long and hard about getting the authentic ones. Its one of the trends for Spring. But trendy or not, I have always loved gladiator shoes since I was young. I don't know how many I have owned. Its just my luck that the trend from last season is here to stay. Not only do I still get to wear what I still have but there are still more to pick from. I admit some of the designs available are way out there and before I even think of coveting one I have to see how it looks on me. But so far, two have caught my attention. One from NineWest and one from Schu. The NineWest I am waiting for it to be in stores, while the Schu ones I have asked my sister to check it out for me with an even exchange of course. For the meantime, I have these pictures to look and stare at.

Another thing that I am loving (or lusting) is this track jacket from Adidas. I first read about it from Mina and now both of us are in dire search for it. She told me that its out of stock from the stores here in the US and in the Philippines. Our only choice would be any other Asian country. She mentioned Singapore, so I am reminding my cousins and friends in this island nation that my birthday is coming up. I saw it on eBay but the only size available is either a large or an extra-large which is well just too big for me. Papa is going to an Asian country soon and might bring Mama along. I have told him about it and he said to email to him a picture of it. Better yet I am posting it here and this is one of those times that I will not mind that my parents read my blog or my sister lets them.

Just add a pair of shorts and a nice tee to these two and you have a cute summer outfit.

How this flu season was/is for me

I sound like New Year and 4th of July combined. My throat and chest hurts from coughing so much. I still sound horrible.

My sinuses hurt so bad it stings. My left eye hurts and I don't know why.

During the height of my fever, heat would actually come out of my eyes and steam my eye glasses. My room is usually the coldest one in the house being in a corner but I actually have to crack my window a little bit and don't wear socks. Thank goodness my fever is gone but my head still hurts because of my cold.

My nostrils are irritated from all that tissue rubbing and it hurts so bad. I had to make a choice between moisturizer and vaporub. I was heavily congested so I had to sleep through the stinging feeling by putting vaporub on my nostrils. Its not the best feeling in the world but at least I was able to sleep. I have this aversion to nighttime medications to relieve congestion because I have this paranoia of not waking up. I'd rather put vaporub and elevate my head to sleep than take anything to put me to sleep quicker.

Good thing through all these my appetite was never affected. Sure food tastes bland but I know I have to eat something so even if food tastes like paper I am going to eat it.

Caught

I thought I was able to escape it. I thought I was pretty immune to it. Well, I thought wrong because the flu bug has caught me and I am not liking it one bit.

It started with sneezing which I contributed to allergies because of the high winds that we have been having, that was Sunday. Then Monday, I had this bad, dry cough which made me literally a mute at work. The next day, I nonchalantly asked one of the MAs to get my temperature and it came out 99.9. Okay, I have a slight fever. I took some meds and hoping it would go away. Later that afternoon it went down to 98.0. Okay, great. The next day, I still went to work but I was heavily congested and my cough has became worse. It didn't help that its been raining so its been very cold. I already asked to be off Thursday because I had to go somewhere but after work I told my boss that I am just going to take the rest of the week off.

So here I am..at home..trying to stay warm in this cold weather and dealing with it as much as I can. Last night made me think how extremely fortunate I would have been had I been home. For sure, my mom would be awake every 6 hours to check my temperature, my meds ready for me to just take, my food, warm and ready. But nope, my reality is.. I had to prepare the ice cold face towel to be put on my forehead as I battle with dizziness. I get up and chill it again as soon as it starts warming up. I have to put my medicine and my water within arm's reach. If I want to eat, I would have to warm it myself. I cannot and should not expect my aunts and uncle to cater to me. So I just contend myself with calling my mom. Hearing her voice is comforting enough. I don't call Papa because he would probably feel all sorry for me and start crying so no LOL. That happened before when I sent them a text that I was down with a flu. Probably four years ago and in less than a minute the phone rang. It was them calling overseas and not long Papa and Mama started crying.

I don't like being sick but I guess this is really my body's way of saying to take a rest so I am doing it. All I have been doing is sleep, eat and watch tv. I hope this flu bug goes away soon.

Gratitude

Today I am very grateful...

for...

Vonage
Owtel
Text-message
UPS
my cousin, Dulce's internet cafe'
close proximity of internet cafe' to Tito Uyen's office

to...

my family for being so calm when I thought I was going to have an almost nervous breakdown due to my own carelessness. Okay, it wasnt almost because I was already in the initial stages of crying having gone through cursing.

my parents when in spite of being in the middle of something: Mama sitting on a dentist's chair and Papa in a meeting - were telling me that it will be done and there is still time.

my sister, Camille, for being a voice of reason when I was in the midst of panic. And also for doing what needs to be done right away. That was some record speed.

1:35PM (MLA) - I called in a panic and in tears
sometime around 2PM (MLA) - Camille called to double check documents were right.
3:47PM (MLA) - Documents signed and ready for mailing

my cousin, Dulce, for helping out Camille make sure that the document gets out by 5PM (Manila time) so I can get in ASAP.

Tita Nene and Tito Uyen for being in the office. I know that in the Philippines, it pays to have relatives with connections but even better is relatives with connections who are generous, kind and accommodating.

GOD, for making me check those papers and realizing the small but very important mistake this early so it can be rectified right away.

They pulled me back to sanity when I was about to lose it. *sigh* I have never been this grateful.

No more vacancy

It is such a bittersweet feeling to know that the musical Rent is closing down in Broadway after 12 years. When it first opened in Broadway, I knew that it was one of those musicals that I just have to go see but for some reasons wasn't able to until last year when my sister and I and some friends went to NYC for a trip. Before, we left L.A., we were already set on watching a Broadway show. For me it was either "Rent" or none at all. I mean we will already be in New York, why are we not going to include that in our itinerary. We were not sure we would be able to get tickets but we persisted and it paid off. My sister's friend, Yvan was able to score us tickets and we knew we had to fix our plans for the day around it. It was also a good thing that our hotel was only a good 2 blocks away from the theater. By the day that we were going to watch it, I have lost count of how many times we have passed the theater.

I may have memorized a lot of the songs by now. Who doesn't know "Seasons of Love"? It was. however, my first time watching it. I refused to watch the film version until I have seen the theater one. Never mind if the cast of the film version was almost the entire original theater cast. I just didn't feel right about doing that. My companions and I were so lucky because the cast when we watched it included Tamyra Gray of AI fame and more than that, the narrator, Mark Cohen was being played by Anthony Rapp, the original actor who played it when it first opened. How cool was that.

"Rent" was how I expected it to be and more. It was both heartwarming and heartbreaking. A lesson in loving and also of letting go...of acceptance and hope. I cried, I am not going to deny that. With it closing soon, I have never felt so blessed to have been given an opportunity to experience it before it ended.

Stranded

I thought I wouldn't have to tell you this again but it seems that I have to. I hope this time you will really do ponder on it.

"How can you be an anchor to someone if you yourself is drowning?"

How can you indeed? Even flight attendants remind people constantly that in the event of a water landing to put on your life jacket first before helping another person. You must be able to learn to save yourself before you can save another. Its not being selfish. It is survival.

How can you bring someone to shore if you are being dragged farther and farther from it? How can you put your feet on the sand when each day is like being pulled into the abyss? The water level is rising as each day passes, you have to act soon.

Life jackets are being thrown at you. Boats are sailing by. Ropes are being hurled at you. Arms are being stretched out. You only have to do one thing.. grab on to it. It could be a life jacket to put around your neck. It could be climbing into a boat. It could be holding on to the other end of the rope so someone can reel you in. It could be grabbing a hand that is reaching out to you. Anything to keep you afloat. Anything to get yourself out of the water.

There is nothing wrong in wanting to find dry land first before going back and saving another. At least you know that you have somewhere to go rather than floating aimlessly and a direction to nowhere. There is nothing wrong in being in dry, stable land and think things through. Now, if after all that thinking you still want to jump into the water by all means do so. But at least, by that time you have looked at the situation with a different perspective, with a different set of eyes. Having that will make you get to that other person better and you have a better grasp of things rather than just going with the current. A current that is not bringing you anywhere but farther. At least by then, you will be equipped with everything you need to have to not only survive but to be triumphant.

You have treaded these waters before though I feel this one is more treacherous. These are not only dangerous waters but life-changing too not only for yourself but for everyone around you. The sad part is, all we can do is watch as your head bobs in and out of the water. It breaks our heart to do that but thats all we can do for now. We cannot force you to get out of the water. You have to decide to get out on your own first but be assured that we will have a warm towel waiting, ready for you. I know you are not going to openly ask a life jacket from me so I am throwing one at you for your taking. Let me know and I will come up with a way.

Don't make yourself out to be this hero when deep inside you are not sure what to do, where to go, what to feel, what to think. You don't have to prove yourself that you are a hero because you are already one. But, heroes have their moments too that they question if this is the life that they want to lead...want to have. It doesn't make you any less of a hero if you don't do the "right" thing. There is nothing wrong in doing the "wrong thing" if in the long run it will be so much better.. for your own good.. for your peace of mind. There is nothing wrong in being fair to yourself even if it means being unfair to others. It may seem unfair at first to other people but later on, it will be realized that it was for the best of everyone. There is nothing wrong in wanting to get away. even heroes need a holiday.

So please, get out of the water soon for you and for the other person's sake. But mostly for you because who knows this might not even be the waters that you are supposed to swim in.