Gearing up

I woke up before my alarm clock this morning and also yesterday. I think it is my body's way of gearing up for the start of Simbang Gabi tomorrow (Saturday). Unlike in the Philippines, when it officially starts on the 16th, here in our parish its on the 15th running until the 23rd. I think the reason why they did this was because there's usually a lot going on at the church on the 24th. With the daily masses and the midnight mass to prepare for. This schedule works just fine with me though it means waking up an hour earlier as if I don't wake up early already but its okay. This is my sacrifice and besides its only for 9 days out of the entire year.

I think this is the fourth year that I am going to Simbang gabi and so far I have completed it two times. There is a different feeling when I am able to complete it. I cant explain it. Holy Family Catholic Church in Artesia is the only parish in the archdiocese that holds all 9 morning masses. The other parishes just have one day and usually at night. The masses are at 530 and immediately after that everyone is invited for breakfast prepared by the different parish organizations. The masses are also said in Filipino making us feel as if we are back home save for the very cold weather. It can be pretty brutal since temperatures dip really low in the mornings. These past few days we have been having a cold snap. All we can do is just dress warmly and look forward to the hot breakfast that awaits us.

Going to Simbang Gabi has been like my "panata". It is my novena, the only one really that I make sure to complete. There has been sayings that whenever someone completes the simbang gabi that they get to make a wish and that wish is granted. This could just be a legend or what but this is not the reason why I want to complete it. Its more of my prayer, my novena for my intentions. I don't know if its just coincidence but one of my intentions last year was fulfilled this year. So I am more than determined to complete it this year, not so much in the hope that my other intentions be granted but more of thanksgiving for the year that has been.

Another great thing about the Simbang Gabi at Holy Family is that its not only all about hearing the mass but its an education too. Each year there is a theme that is being followed by the priests when they deliver their homilies. Last year was about the parts of the mass and this year, I was told that its going to be about the Sacraments. Most of what I know about the Sacraments I got from years and years of Catholic education so I am really looking forward to learning more and this time from the priests. I hope to have a better appreciation of the Sacraments much like I had a better appreciation of the parts of the mass from last year. The priests at Holy Family never fail to inspire me with their homilies most often interjected with humor which is really welcomed by an otherwise sleepy crowd. I know I do.

The past years, I have been posting pictures of the sky for each day. I might just do it again this year. We will see.

Quentin rocked the 'barong'

Golden Globe Nominations were announced early this morning and two things got me excited. Ang Lee's "Lust, Caution" was nominated as Best Foreign Language Film and Quentin Tarantino wearing a barong while making the announcements.

At first, I thought my eyes were playing with me, after all it was so early in the morning but what confirmed to me that it was indeed a barong was the very prominent "bib" like embroidery and the buttons are midway. As usual or maybe because it wasn't a formal event, he left the top two buttons undone. That was so cool of him though to wear a barong in such a Hollywood event. I mean, how often do you see a non-Filipino, an award-winning and talented Hollywood writer/director at that wearing the barong to an event like this. Heck, I don't think even Filipinos wear the barong to formal events, preferring to wear a tuxedo or a coat and tie. So, yay for Quentin Tarantino.

I am so glad that "Lust, Caution" was nominated since there were reports a few months back that it didn't qualify as a Foreign Language entry from Taiwan for the Oscars because it didn't have enough Taiwanese in its cast or crew. Go figure! "Lust, Caution" is one of the compelling films that I have seen of late. It was sensual, thrilling, intelligent, appealing not only to the eyes but also to the mind. I saw this at Arclight with Chrissie since it was only on limited release. It was in Mandarin with English subtitles which was fine with me because I think my eyes are trained now to watch the movie and read subtitles at the same time. Watching tons of Asian series and movies do that to you. This movie was controversial because of the love scenes reported to be graphic hence earning an NC-17 rating in the US that is without cuts. It was graphic alright, very graphic but it was also integral to the story. After some time, one realizes that this movie is much more than those scenes that people have been talking about. It was suspenseful, an unpredictable tale of love, espionage, youth empowerment even rebellion. If given the chance to watch this film, I urge people to watch it.

I haven't watched a lot of movies this year. I haven't had much opportunity so I haven't watched most if not all of the nominated films. But, I really would want to watch "Atonement" and "Juno". I have seen the trailer of "Atonement" and it has caught my interest. It has gotten good reviews as well so I will most definitely check this out once I get the chance. I first got intrigued with "Juno" because not only does it share half the title of a Korean film "Jenny Juno" but it both have parallel plots. In fact, the director of "Juno" was asked if his movie was an adaptation. He said no since other than the title and the similar premise, the similarities end there. Both dealt with teen pregnancies but with different approach and different choices. One tackled keeping the baby and the other dealt with adoption. The actress in "Juno", Ellen Page also earned a Golden Globe nod. I have watched the Korean film, though a bit fluffy, at least it didn't romanticize teenage pregnancy. It actually showed the hardships and challenges. I will watch "Juno" with an open mind though and put "Jenny Juno" at the deepest ends of my brain.

On the tv side, I am glad that Grey's Anatomy was nominated and Sally Fields was nominated too for "Brothers and Sisters". These are just two of the few shows I have been watching this season, which is now no more due to the WGA strike.

I forgot when the ceremony would be. Most likely if not end of January, it will be early February. I will look forward to it. Hopefully, I have watched the two films by then.

Grade two writing class

If only I can go back to that class...

After looking at my penmanship today as I write the Christmas cards I want to send, I felt a sense of dread. Dread for the recipients of my card. I just hope they will get to read the little note I have written. I have never had the best penmanship considering that back in Grade two, Mrs. Manuel made sure that we had perfectly dotted our "i's" and the "j's" and "t's". Even with the practice cardboard we had made from the thick cardboard backing of our paper, I didn't reach the same level as some of my classmates have - delicate penmanship. My penmanship was okay but at least readable. But now, I don't think I can even read my own penmanship. It has gotten so bad to a point that I typed my letter for my parents. Quite impersonal but at least I know they will be able to read what I wrote. I don't think I have hand-written anything lately which contributes to the further decline of my already poor penmanship. I don't think its bad beyond repair, I think I just need more practice. Maybe when I start writing again, it would improve since when I do write a poem or a short story, I could never write them using a computer. Computers slow me down, believe it or not. It slows down my train of thought with my penchant for making sure the grammar and spelling are correct. I don't like it when my train of thought is disrupted especially if I am in a really good mood to write hence I write using good 'ol pen and paper until my fingers hurt. So I guess for the time being, people will just have to contend in trying to decipher exactly what it is I wrote. My apologies.

Doing this made me hungry

I was tagged by Oggi. This is so unlike the other "meme's" I have answered because this one is centered around food - anything and everything about it. So, here goes...

What were you cooking/baking 10 years ago?

I wasn’t cooking or baking much but I was more of making. Making fruit salads, buko-pandan, mango float, mango gelatin, turon etc. If I even cooked it was usually baked macaroni or spaghetti upon the request of my cousins. I am probably the only Filipino I know who isn’t so fond of putting hotdogs in my meat sauce. And oh yeah, I dont put ketchup as well.

What were you cooking/baking one year ago?
After a long time of not cooking and baking, I decided to pick it up again and made some Red Velvet Cupcakes. I searched for a recipe online and tied making it. It wasn’t so bad. I made a little bit of a mess in the kitchen and was asking my sister constantly but the cupcakes came out good.

Five snacks you enjoy:

1. Turones (Casuy, Mani, Pinipig anything)
2. Barquiron
3. Pancit Bihon with Hot Pan de Sal
4. Wheat Thins with cream cheese
5. Cheese Rolls from Goldilocks (I almost always buy a dozen because I can eat 9 of those already, not all at the same time but still)

Five recipes you know by heart:

1. Spaghetti with Meat Sauce (Filipino in taste but no hotdogs)
2. Beef Steak
3. Buko-Pandan Salad
4. Mango Gelatin
5. Mango Float

Five culinary luxuries you would indulge in if you were a millionaire:

1. Build a big and state-of-the-art kitchen in my house.
2. Open my very own pastry shop.
3. Restaurant hop – eating at different restaurants for every meal, everyday.
4. Buy a plane so that when I feel like eating any of the native foods from Leyte, I can just hop on a plane and eat all the bibingka from this little store in T. Claudio; pastillas from Carigara, lechon, binagol, moron, roscas from Barugo, galleta from Bato, etc. All the fresh seafood to my hearts content (and pain – clogged artery anyone?)
5. Buy crates and crates of mangosteen, ripe Philippine Mangoes, unripe green mangoes, pomelo, igot (it’s a type of berry that can only be found in Leyte) and bring them wherever I go.
   

Five dishes you love to cook/bake:

1. Spaghetti or any pasta dish
2. Red Velvet Cupcakes and any dessert and pastries
3. Filipino cuisine
4. Thai cuisine
5. Beef Steak

Five dishes you cannot/will not eat:
I only have 2 general rule on what foods I wont eat and those are:

1. As long as it doesn’t have poison.
2. As long as its not an exotic animal or if it is, I prefer not to know.

Five favorite culinary toys:

I don’t have much culinary toys just yet but I would want to have:

1. my own Kitchen Aid mixer
2. Crème Brulee set

The rest still to be determined

Five dishes for your "last meal" menu:

1. All the pasta dishes that I can eat.
2. Bibingka from Tacloban
3. Beef Steak with onions and steaming hot white rice
4. Fresh seafood from Leyte
5. Red Velvet Cupcakes from Sprinkles, Tiramisu, any dessert
   

Five happy food memories:

1. My aunt had an Indian mango tree and one summer, we were there, we would just climb the tree, pick a few, peel it and eat it. We did that everyday for the whole summer.
2. Hot chicken barbeque and hot pan de sal after school. We owned a bakery and the barbeque stand was just outside the bakery.
3. If we felt like eating hot bread at any time of the day, we can just go to our baker and ask him to put a whole tray into the oven for us.
4. Hot, fresh out of the oven ensaymada (the bread recipe not the brioche) shaped like a pinwheel and we would put cheese unto the gaps. Then return it to the oven for the cheese to melt, Then when it is all melted and bubbling, we sprinkle sugar over it and its so gooey and yummy.
5. On our way back from the Bay Area, my aunt, uncle and I stopped in San Luis Obispo and had lunch at this little Italian Restaurant where all the food was to die for. Our seafood appetizer, mushroom soup, my pasta main entrée and the best Tiramisu that I have ever tasted in my life. It happened probably 5 years ago and I cannot wait to go back.

I am not tagging anyone in particular but if you think you have something to share along these lines, please do so. (Jan I am curious about your answers)

Feed the Hungry

FreeRice.Com

I got this from Gail. Who knew that by improving your vocabulary you will be able to help feed the hungry in the world. Each time you get a right answer, the site donates 20 grains of rice to the needy. For each right answer, the site also automatically adjusts your vocabulary level. So far my best level is 35 and I have donated 14140 grains of rice.

Its actually a fun thing to do and it helps broaden my vocabulary. Some of my guesses were actually right. Well, not really big time guesses because I know I have encountered those words before but just cant seem to remember them since these are the kinds that I don't use on a regular basis. I am thankful to my parents insistence and support for reading which proved quite useful to me now.

Dessert Fork

Father Bill's homily two Sundays ago still resonates in my mind. Sometimes I prefer not to hear the 1215 mass since this is usually the children's mass which means a lot of kids (duh!) and its the children's choir. Cute as they are, their voices are all over the place. The good thing about hearing the children's mass is the simplicity of the homily. The priests make a conscious effort that their homilies will be understood by little kids. The homily two Sundays ago was no different. I don't remember much what the reading much but its his homily that stuck with me.

At the beginning of his homily, he held out a fork and asked the kids what it was. Knowing kids they had more to say than just fork. But it wasn't any ordinary fork. It was a dessert fork and Fr. Bill said it means that "the best is yet to come". He mentioned about dessert being the best part of the meal and I agree with him. I bet all kids have been through the battle during meal time - not eating the veggies, not liking the food, not eating enough etc, etc. But once promised with dessert all of a sudden, veggies tasted good and we eat them right away. The long road and journey may be a bumpy one, a confusing one but knowing that at the end of it all there is something nice to look forward to makes all the challenges along the way worth it.

It was so fitting that this was the mass after the Ms An Maglipayon event and all those issues surrounding prior to it. The homily placed a lot things in perspective to me. It made me go "yeah, it was a stressful and challenging road but it sure was worth and fulfilling at the end of it" Fr. Bill added that we must not be sad, you see the best is yet to come. I think, feel and truly believed that after all these things, ATASC has a lot of things to look forward to. Our journey is just beginning. It wont be without road blocks and bumps but knowing that at the end of it all, there is something to look forward to makes all of it worthwhile. Again, much like dessert.

Hoping that things will be better is really what tides us over each and every bumps, road blocks and corners that we encounter. Fr. Bill made a cute story about 3 sisters - Faith, Hope and Love. Faith got disappointed and refused to trust again. Love got hurt and refused to love again but then Hope held on to Faith and Love and told them that there is a "light at the end of the tunnel". That sure we have been disappointed. Sure we have been hurt but there are still a million and one reasons why we must go on. The reasons may not be evident now but its there. Hope springs eternal indeed.

So next time that it feels like a struggle to get through the meal, just think that there is dessert to look forward to. I guess this is why dessert is served at the end of the meal. It just doesn't feel the same when we do backwards. I dont think theres a person who looks forward to soup or salad or appetizer.

updates...updates

Happy Birthday to my big, little brother!!











~ * ~
I really have to do something with my sleeping pattern. Its been crazy for the past few days. I get that I am trying to gain back the little sleep I have had the past few weeks but really what or how I am doing it now isn't helping much. I wake up early (between 430-5 AM) to go to work then when I get home at around 5 or 530, if its not a gym day, I plop down my bed and takes a power nap which isn't really a power nap since I end up waking up at 9 or 10 then I have dinner. Then because I slept I am not able to sleep now at the time I am supposed to, ending up sleeping around 12 or 1. Then the cycle continues. I think I should stop myself from plopping down my bed when I get home and do something else instead, no matter how sleepy I am. That should bring my sleeping pattern to what is normal at least.

~ * ~

Who says a girl cant buy herself flowers? I did last Saturday when B and I went to the Flower District to buy the flowers for the centerpieces. I got a bunch of sunflowers. The sunflowers were big and yellow and just so beautiful and radiant like the sunshine. But, alas in my hurry I forgot it at the house where we made the centerpieces. I left it too without taking a photo of it first. Oh well on my next trip I will buy myself again and take a picture of it this time.

~ * ~

I am obsessed with food blogs lately. I have been reading a lot of them. Some of my faves are : Burnt Lumpia, Wandering Chopsticks, Monster Munching, I Can Do That, Maybahay and One Wall Kitchen. They've opened my eyes to new cuisines, new restaurants and new recipes that I cannot wait to try. Burnt Lumpia, Wandering Chopsticks and Monster Munching have listed restaurants in the L.A. and OC area which are so close to me. I have tried one that I read about from Wandering Chopsticks - KyoChon. Its Korean Style Fried Chicken which is out of this world delicious. Will make a review of it soon. I've seen recipes that I cannot wait to try. Reading through their blogs is making me miss baking and cooking so much. Contrary to what people think, I do know how to cook and bake. I just haven't done it in a long time. Maybe when I have my own kitchen. I actually will trade a big bedroom for a big and state-of-the-art kitchen. The only other thing I care about in a house other than the kitchen is a big, organized walk-in closet. Give me a big kitchen and big closet and I will be a happy girl.

~ * ~

Is it really difficult to find a bank or its just me? I have these printed out papers in front of me comparing the many different accounts and different banks. I have narrowed it down to the three that are the most accessible to me. Am I over thinking this? Choosing a bank is a big thing for me, its my money after all. But must it be this complicated or am I just making it one? hahaha If I were back home, I don't think it will be such a predicament. Papa is there to help me through it. He used to work in a bank. My godfather works in a bank too so its not as such a big thing as it is to me now. back home it would just either be my dad's former bank or my godfather's bank or other bank whose manager my dad will surely know. This time around, I don't have Papa to help me through it so I have to choose wisely. Its such a grown-up thing to do. *sigh*

~ * ~

You are all probably wondering what ever happened to the event that I have been posting a lot about. The cause of my stress and anxiety - the An Maglipayon Coronation Night last November 10. Well, it went well. It was very successful based on the compliments that I have gotten from people. All the hard work sure paid off. It wasn't perfect, and I wasn't expecting it to be or nor wanted it to be, but it went smoothly. The candidates and the officers got to eat which don't usually happen with all the things going on. The AVPs, projector worked well. People liked the program because it was short and classy. I had to give a lot of time to dancing. It is a dinner-dance after all. The centerpieces were simple and elegant. My "problem" candidate came on time. It took her a long time to dress up thus delaying the coronation segment but whatever I let her be. I wasn't going to let that little detail ruin everything. She was cooperative for a change which is all I wanted. Everyone seemed to have a good time. The DJ was good. The dance floor was hardly empty which was my goal. The food was superb. The dessert-cheesecake was so good. Everything is still a blur to me and it may seem like I wasn't satisfied with it which is so far from the truth but I have a slight problem with "tooting my own horn", "magbitbit ng sariling bangko". People have been praising me about it and I don't mean to sound like an ingrate but I have difficulty handling compliments because it wasn't like it was all me. People, a lot of people helped and I feel taking the credit means taking the credit away from other people. They have told me that sure people helped and cooperated but it was me at the helm of it so I really do deserve the praise but I don't know I am just iffy with it. I guess it still needs some getting used to.

Silenced

I was humbled and silenced by my almost 3 year old niece last night. Ali is going to turn 3 this December but she continues to amaze all of us with what she knows and what she says. I haven't seen her much lately so I was pleasantly surprised to see her last night at my aunt's house. She has gotten chubbier from the last time. This picture was taken a few months ago. She has gotten taller and chubbier but still as adorable as ever. So going back to last night, her dad asked me to help her with her shoes, I was about to only to be told by Ali, "I can do it myself." In those exact words. Okay, I just watched her put them on. But then that wasn't it, as she was leaving and I couldn't help myself, I hugged her so tight and told her dad that she looked like she was inflated. "No." was Ali's quick reply. "You only inflate balloons." *thud* that was me falling off from wherever I sat. How did a three year old know what inflate mean and to associate that with balloons? Beats me! All the "adults" in the house were speechless. We were all silenced by this little girl who is not even three yet. I cant imagine, actually don't want to imagine what else are we going to hear from her as she gets older. But I do know one thing, I don't think this will be the last time I will be left speechless by this adorable little girl.

I wish I could tell you but I won't...not yet anyway

I was inspired by Gail's post that I went ahead and did one of my own.

The rules are simple: List (20) things you want to say to 20 people but know you never will. Don't say who they are. Don't ask I am not going to tell. Please dont guess either. Those are my additional rules.

1. What does she feed you that you take her side even if she is in the wrong?
2. Ang labo mo. Ang labo ng utak mo.
3. If you have something to ask me, ask me. Don’t ask people about me when I am right beside you. I don’t bite.
4. You tell people to forgive and yet you are the very last one to give it.
5. Why do you tolerate her so much? Is it because you love here or is it because of them?
6. You were there in my darkest hour and I will never forget that.
7. You like to power trip well you can have it because it seems I still have the last say anyway.
8. You have given me wings to fly and yet kept me grounded with my feet firmly on the ground.
   
9. I am very, very glad that you are here with me. Thanks! =)
10. Stop spinning lies and stories because one day you will be caught in your own web.
11. Just because you share the same DNA doesn’t make each and everyone of you the same.
12. I am glad you are who you are. I am the way I am because of you.
13. Deny it all you want, it is so clear you have your favorites and annoying part is they bask in it and you let them.
14. You are younger than me but wisdom sure don’t come with age because there have been times that you were wiser than I ever could be.
15. I am happy for you but I cant help but feel abandoned.
    
16. I am glad that you are different from people your age; you don’t let yourself be caught up with all the hype.
17. It doesn’t hurt to care a little bit about other people.
18. Stop acting as if you are better than everyone else.
19. You deserve more credit and appreciation than people give you but you don’t seem bothered by it. I admire that about you.
20. Stop insisting on things that never were, never is and never will be.

Try it! Its cathartic!

Noon at Ngayon

Noon:

Kung marunong ka nang mag-saing at mag-prito, puwede ka nang mag-asawa.

Ngayon:

Kung nanalo ka ng microwave mula sa isang raffle, puwede ka nang mag-asawa.

I won a microwave over the weekend and when an aunt was told about it, she commented that I can get married now. Okay.

Why do I win appliances from raffles? I thought this was the first raffle I ever won but I was wrong. It turned out that my mom put my name on one of the tickets she bought back in Tacloban and it won me a washing machine.

So I have a microwave and a washing machine. Does that mean that I am doubly ready to get married now? Ha! Yeah right!

We are back! We are ONE!!

It's past 3 AM and I am still awake. What is keeping me awake at this hour? Game 2 of the best of 3 UAAP Men's Basketball Championship between DLSU and UE. The Green Archers took Game 1. One more win for this season to be for the Archers! Obviously, I am nowhere near Araneta Coliseum so I am watching it through live streaming. Thanks to my subscription to AbsCbnNow. No need to fall in line to get tickets. No need to haggle with scalpers to get tickets 3, 4 or 5 times its true selling price. Downside is, instead of watching it with a multitude of people, with all the noise and all the excitement, I am watching it in the dark, with headphones on and trying to shout with no sound (thats hard to do) so I wont wake up the other people in the house. Of course, no bigger downside is the time difference. But, I don't care because...

WE WON!! 2-0!!
It doesn't matter what I write about now plus I don't think I will be able to write anything coherent. Oh wait, there's one thing..now, I REALLY want that shirt.

ANIMO LA SALLE!!!

update: boo the "animo" shirt is out of stock so my sister, rather her friend, got me a different one. But I would still want the "Animo" one.

Who knew?

A black/gray/silver dress would look good paired with red shoes. If I was a little slow in this realization, my apologies I have a similar dress as what Mandy Moore is wearing but I never once thought of pairing it with red shoes. Had I not seen this, I probably would have stuck to the predictable black shoes to pair with this dress. So, now I have another option. Well, its a bit of a deviation of what I would usually wear but I think its about time to experiment a little bit. Besides, I haven't worn my red shoes of late. Now if only I have anywhere to wear this to.

photo credit: stealthatlook.com

Yes, I know it's time!

Here is your horoscope
for Tuesday, October 2:

You're in a good place to take care of old feelings that may be piling up inside. See if you can find someone to talk things over with -- or just write it all down somewhere private, which ought to work just fine.

Private ba ang blogger???

From the lips of babies

Whoever said that kids say the darndest things is either a psychic or have met one of my nieces and nephews. I have found myself speechless when I heard stories of what has come out of the mouths of my nieces and nephews whose ages range from 33 months to 4 years old. I know I will find myself in that state again and again as they get older. Here are some examples, though not verbatim.

Ali, 33 months

"Ate Mickay, I have a problem."
"Why, whats your problem?"
"My dad doesn't want me inside the room because he is fixing the bed."


Kaitlin, 4 years old

This happened during her birthday last September 18.

"Mommy, let's go to the mall. I want my diamonds!"



Ethann, 4 years old

"Mama, I'm sad." (complete with sad face)
"How come you are sad?"
"Coz you are not happy with me!"
My cousin-in-law told him its not true. That she happy with him. He then turned to his dad, my cousin.
"Papa are you happy with me?"
"Of course I am." was my cousin's reply.
"No you are not coz you are not smiling."



Andre, 4 years old

"Daddy, you stressed me out a little bit kanina."

This was after my cousin (Andre's dad) was telling him how he must study hard in order for him to get into the "big boys" school.

Last year, today

Last year, today we were all just about to start our day when we got a text message from one of my aunts that one of our uncles was rushed to the hospital with a suspicion of a stroke. We have been through this route before with other family members and they pull through so we went along with our day. That is until a few minutes later that we learned that it was something we haven't been through. We were told to go to the hospital right away. As each text message came, things were turning more grim. It came to a point that my cousins and I would jump each time our phones would signal a text message because we don't know what it would say. Our day came to a sudden halt, left school or work and went to a hospital almost an hour away. There, we got even grimmer news and all we could do was wait and pray. What initially was thought of as a stroke turned out to be much worse..aneurysm of the brain. I didn't go into the ICU to see Tito Augie. I couldn't muster enough courage. But, as people were going in and out of his room, I already got a picture of what he was going through and it wasn't the most comforting thing. But we kept our faith that he will pull through even though the odds were against us. We were hoping for some miracle, something which we held on until the very last hour but miracle evaded us. The day ended late for us, we went home, carrying the hope that when morning comes, we will be hearing good news. I couldn't sleep that night and from that listlessness came this post.. September 2, 2006. Little did I know that when tomorrow came, we would be saying goodbye. My aunt and my cousins along with my uncle's family has reached a decision to just let go. Let go of him even though it hurts, even though its hard to accept. Let got because it will not only bring him peace but bring peace to us as well. I don't think it will ever be easy. I think we would always look back and talk about that day as if it was yesterday. I think its okay to do that because it taught us a viable lesson, that our life here on Earth is but fleeting. We are all just passing by and when its our time to go, its our time to go. We just have to be ready for it. That we must cherish each day that we are alive and make the most of it. Tito Augie's death taught me that things happen for a reason. We cannot and shouldn't question, ask why it happened to us because whatever it is, only God knows and we just have to accept it no matter how hard, no matter how painful, no matter what.

I didn't see it coming..

I didn't realize that an announcement, well not even an announcement yet more like a permission being asked would release such a floodgate of tears from me. And like any floodgates being opened, I managed to affect the surrounding areas LOL

I don't know why I cried when Papa told me that my brother has asked their permission to marry. I made some joke about it first like "can he afford it?" Papa was telling me that we should be happy where Nicco is happy. I get that part and whatever feelings I have about it - positive or negative, what is important to me is still my brother's happiness. My eyes were starting to well up around this time. Papa sounded fine so I asked what about Mama. He said she seems fine while I was trying to hold the tears. I didn't want to let my parents know that I was crying but I couldn't hold it much longer. So finally I told Papa, "well I am crying and I don't know why". When Papa all of a sudden said that he was passing on the phone to my sister, I knew that I already got to him. I spoke with Camille and she asked why I was crying and same thing "I don't know" and she got mad at me because by this time she started crying too. Then she told me that my parents were now crying as well. The only one missing was Jehann and it would have been already an "all-star cast". Papa was saying that he couldn't imagine how he will do it when it eventually comes when right now he is already being all emotional and its my brother at that. Imagine if it was one of his daughters. Papa already gets emotional when his nieces and nephews get married, what more when its his own children.

No wonder my brother took a side trip to Tacloban after going to Cebu. I think Papa already sensed it but my brother couldn't muster enough courage to tell our parents during his stay. It was already when he was about to board the plane back to Manila that he sent our parents a text message to call him and when Papa did thats when he said it. Apparently, he and Tinggay are going back to Tacloban if not this weekend, next weekend. It was nice of him to do that, give our parents that tremendous amount of respect to ask or rather inform our parents first. I bet it wasn't easy but he knew it was what it was supposed to be and the right thing to do. Papa also told him to call Jehann and myself to inform us, being his older sisters. He hasn't done yet and frankly I don't know how I will react when he eventually does tell me himself.

I don't know what I feel about it. Sure, I am happy for my brother but I guess there will always be that feeling that we are "losing" him or something like that. Its tough and right now all my emotions are in a twist. Its been hours since I spoke with Papa and Camille and it still hasn't sunk in. I don't know when it will.

edit: It's an "all-star" cast now since Jehann just informed me that she cried too after reading this blog and Camille's blog. According to Camille, our paternal lola cried as well as our long time housekeeper. Parang di lalake yung amin na nag-iiyakan kami. LOL

R.I.P. Dondon!

I didn't really know him much. Last time that I saw him was probably 15 years ago but I remember him when he was a kid during summers that they would go home to Barugo. I know his sister more. He is my 2nd cousin, being that his dad and my dad are first cousins. That being the case, it was still a big shock to be told of what happened to him. He is dead at a young age of 28. But what makes his death beyond disbelief is not only the fact that he was young but the manner how he died. The details are still vague but as of now what we know is he was robbed and murdered. He was last seen meeting someone at a mall and the next thing was he was found in a hotel/motel room, dead. An aunt told me that either he was tortured before he was killed or he had been dead for a long time that his body was already decomposing but either way he was beyond recognition. His sister was able to identify him through his feet. This is a big shock to the family. I bet his parents are beyond consolable. He was the middle child and I believe the only boy. I hope we will see justice for what happened to him. But knowing the legal system in the Philippines, I don't know if we will see that but hopefully we will. Until then, we just have to console ourselves of a life cut so short. Rest in Peace Dondon!

Update: According to a cousin, he was tortured because when he was found, his hands were tied and his mouth was stuffed with something.

Update2: Apparently a girl was involved or it was about a girl.

Update3: Lyndon was 27 and not 28. A tabloid paper reported this incident.

Today is his funeral and its a closed casket.

From my "quiet spot"

wobbling on one leg
stepping on this tight rope
suspended in air
no safety net below
insistent on walking despite the fear
in time steady, stable...
standing with both feet on solid ground

Where is my quiet spot?

Years ago when I still used to write frequently and I mean write like poems, essays and short stories, when I needed inspiration all I had to do was to put my forehead on a table, close my eyes and tune everything out. It didn't matter if I was in the middle of writing my college thesis or during a birthday party, in a few minutes, I was grabbing a pen and paper and writing away. But now I cant seem to find it. I don't know where it went and I so badly need inspiration right now. As chairperson, part of my task is to draw up the layout of the ballot tickets and the dinner tickets. We need those in order to get quotes from printers. The layouts from past events are nowhere to be found so I am pretty much starting from scratch. I have been raking my brain for the past week or so on what it would look like. I have a vague picture in mind but its not enough to work on. I need more than what my brain can come up with at this point and the clock is ticking fast and faster by the minute even second. As if that wasn't enough, I also have to start making a draft of the program for the coronation night. I also have to finish drawing up the questions that I need to ask the candidates for their write-ups. These are only for the Ms. Maglipayon, I still have the 2008 Medical Mission to think about too. Argh!! So please, please "quiet spot" make your presence felt soon...like now or tomorrow!

In good company

How I wish TopherGrace is part of it but he is not but I am in good company nonetheless.

Things are falling into place for my first time experience to chair a major event for ATA. We had some problems when the first chair resigned due to some internal problems but that was fixed. Then, one of our candidates had to decline which brought the number to two which is an okay number (at least its not one) but would be better if we had one more. Thanks to my sister Camille, I have a third candidate to join the group and she will be flying from the East Coast. She is the first candidate in the history of the Ms. An Maglipayon to come from outside of California and Nevada and the first who was born and raised in Tacloban. Yay!

I have been to a couple of coronation nights before and save for one which was good and elaborate but too much, I felt the rest could have been better. I mean production wise and all, it could have been better but for some reasons they were not. I felt that some parts shouldn't have been part of it and such. I kept that to myself, who was I to be critical of it.

But now its our chance to change that and to change people's perception. I have no illusion of making it the best or the grandest and topping the others but I just want it to be the best that we can do. I am just so glad that the people involved and I have pretty much the same vision and are in the same page as far as what we want the night to be, to look like, etc. Its so much fun to brainstorm with people who also believes that the others could have been better. Turned out, I was not the only one with that feeling. Things are in pre-planning right now (booked and paid the down payment for the venue, we have a color scheme in place, DJ has been booked) and so far so good. I think and I believe we owe the candidates that much. Its their night to be honored and to shine after doing pretty much all the work. I think its the ATA's responsibility to make them feel that it was a worthwhile thing for them and for a worthy cause at that. I know I am making it my responsibility.

By the way, any Leyteño or Taclobanon who may have or know someone who would have research materials as well as pictures of the history of Ms. An Maglipayon from its conception back in 1924 to now, please send those my way. I would really be thankful. For the first time, we might actually have a historical background as well as an audio-visual presentation of it and proof that this was not some cooked-up plan to raise funds but is actually rooted in history. We have some materials but I think and feel there's more out there. Please!