Renovation

After the recent torrential rains that poured into our province and caused massive flooding yet again, my dad made a decision to raise our flooring which was just raised back in December. Ever since we moved there in the late 70's, I don't know how many times we have had to raise our floor. It has been raised so much that a few times more we would have to slouch so we wont hit our ceiling. So now, since we would have to raise our flooring once again, it means having to raise the roof as well.

When Papa mentioned to us his plan, we were all in agreement that it was the best thing. We were saddened because we love our house but in order for us to keep it for a long time we would have to make some changes and sacrifices now. It is going to cost a lot but I think its a small sacrifice to make for us to still be able to keep our house. I thought it was nothing major - raise the floor, raise the ceiling and add more flood control things. This was the picture that Papa made me see. He said nothing is going to change much. Our house will still look the same with certain additions. My brother will have his room again after his old one was made into my parents walk-in closet. Our (the girls) room will be bigger since our current room and the adjoining room will be made into one with our very own walk-in closet. Yay, something that I have always wanted. I gave Papa ideas of what my "ideal" closet looks like and he likes it too so he wants the same for their room. Aside from those basically it will be kept the same. After all they were still able to salvage at least 50% of the tiles, wood etc. The roof had to be replaced since it was still part of the original house which makes it 28 years old. The doors as well since water damage is very evident.

So I was surprised when Mama said that our house looked like a shell after the clearing. Okay what is that exactly? Then a friend mentioned to me that it seems something major is being done to our house. I still wasn't able to grasp it. That is until my sister posted pictures of our house or whatever is left of it.

(clockwise from top left: dining room, our room, the exterior)

I was shocked! This is not minor renovation. This is major! Its almost like we are building a new house but it will just look the same as what we have before. But I trust Papa's judgment. He told us that the result would be to our liking. Knowing my father, I know it will be. After all this is the same person who designed our dining set, bar, bar stools, gate, etc when he couldn't find any to his liking. Papa has really good taste when it comes to interior decoration and so does Mama. Plus, it helps that all of us pretty much are on the same page as to what we want the house to look like. I have confidence in him along with my uncles and cousins who are all engineers as well as to the architects that he has commissioned. Some of our relatives are wondering why Papa and Mama are making sure that we will like what the outcome would be since we are all grown-ups now and no telling who among us would go back home. But that's the thing, at least we know we still have a home to go back to when we want to. A home where we grew up in and have fond memories of. Though it may look new, at least we will be able to keep the memories and make new ones as well. Plus, did I mention that I am really happy about the walk-in closet in our room.

It is such a great feeling to be included in the decision making process of it all. We are in this as a family and that is great! Its a big sacrifice not only financially but also convenience wise. My parents are currently staying with an aunt who good thing lives only a few houses away so Mama is able to check the progress regularly. I have no doubt that our house will turn out nice and will still have the same "homey" vibe that people first notice and feel as soon as they step foot into it. I am actually excited about it. I just hope it will be done by our target date, May 2006.

Is this a sign?

You Are an Excellent Cook

You're a top cook, but you weren't born that way. It's taken a lot of practice, a lot of experimenting, and a lot of learning. It's likely that you have what it takes to be a top chef, should you have the desire...

Are You A Good Cook?

It's just the beginning

Nicco with his baby (??) sister

Last weekend was a proud one for our family. My only brother, Niccolo graduated from San Beda Law School. It was a culmination of four years of hardwork, sacrifices, blood, sweat and tears. I remember when my brother first told the family of his plan to enter law school, it was met with apprehension and doubt. We were not so sure how serious he was in pursuing this. This was coming from someone who was still sound asleep at 12 noon when he had a 1PM class in San Beda during his undergraduate studies. He was I guess confident because we lived just a few blocks away. Probably the harshest critic among all of us was our dad. Papa went to law school but work got in a way so he didn't finish it. He knew first hand what would entail if Nicco pursued this that was why Nicco really had to convince Papa that this is something that he would be sticking to. Papa made sure that it was not all just because of the title. Nicco had to really prove that he wanted to do this and follow it through. He took the entrance exams to law school, got accepted, graduated and now busy reviewing for the bar exams.

It must have been doubly hard for Nicco when he went into law school. He not only had to deal with his studies but at the same he had to prove something not only to himself but also to us his family. All of us are extremely proud of what he has accomplished so far but we are also probably the "reality" that he needs to make sure that things are kept in perspective. We push him to do his best and at the same time give him the biggest support that he needs. Papa may have been harsh at the start but his support was unwavering. His text messages and stories to me about the updates about Nicco speak volumes. It was only when he entered his 3rd year in law school that we were fully convinced that he was serious with this and from then on he has our utmost support.

I really believe that Nicco has what it takes to be a good lawyer. I think living with 3 sisters has prepared him in defending his case and making sure that he is heard. I admit, my sisters and I have been really harsh on him sometimes especially when it comes to life, clothes and his lovelife. I guess we manifest our love and concern that way. But the thing with Nicco is, not once did he take our ribbing seriously. To him it was just his sisters being well his sisters. If there is one thing that almost everyone, relatives and friends say about him is that he is nice. Even our high school teachers say that he is the nicest. Oh really!? But kidding aside I think he is nice but it doesn't mean that he is always like that. He has his moments too. Nicco is also probably the sweetest guy we know to a point that it can be nauseating to us his sisters. He is "malambing" to Papa, Mama, and to us as well. It is sometimes a funny sight because there is this big guy and he acts like a kid with Mama. I remember him complaining to me about this one time that he had gash on his face when he slipped on some rocks and Mama just told him "here is a tissue.". He actually wanted Mama to wipe the blood from his face. I laughed and told him that at least Mama gave him a tissue and didn't just tell him to get his own tissue. He may be nice. He may be sweet but I know he has what it takes to be a lawyer and be a good one.

The next six months are going to be tough as he reviews for the bar exams. But like when he was studying if there is one thing that he wouldn't have to worry about it's his family's support. He will have it 100% if not infinite. We would be there to cheer him on and to encourage him as he reviews. I am just glad that from the beginning he has surrounded himself with a group of friends who are also serious with this as he is. So that helps a lot too.

Congratulations dear brother! Good luck!

New version of you

Can you become

Can you become

A new version of you

New wallpaper

new shoe leather

a new way home

I don't remember

New version of you

I need a new version of me

This song is the theme from the tv show Felicity. As I was watched the teasers before this tv show premiered, I knew that this was one show I would be watching. I guess because at that time I closely identified with the character of Felicity. She was embarking on a journey of her life...college, while I was embarking on a journey of my own, well I still am. I was in that crossroad in my life to make a change, not clear whether it was for the better or not. All I knew was I needed to do something to find out what it is that I want out of life and what I want out of myself.

I cannot say that I was a loyal watcher. Maybe the first 2 seasons I was. I just watched the final 2 seasons sporadically but I can still follow the story. Felicity left the comforts of home to go to a school that was in the opposite side of the country. In part it was because of a boy but I think as time progressed it was starting to become apparent that she did it for herself as well. But the point is she took a risk and accepted whatever it was that was going to meet her along her journey. By the end of the series, Felicity was no longer the same freshman that first stepped into my tv screen. Thus, I think it was very appropriate that the theme song of the show would be "new version of you".

Like Felicity, I left the comforts of home to go to college in Manila. Being the eldest, it was tough. I was entering a world that was totally new to me. It would be a hit or miss of sorts. This was the reason why I made a conscious decision then that studies would be my top priority and every thing else was just going to be distractions. I never regretted that decision and I still feel that way. This way of thinking prompted my cousin to say that I was so serious about life. That I needed to loosen up. But at that time I did what I thought I had to do. I still take life seriously now but I think I have made adjustments as well to enjoy it while I still can because today is all we have. I cannot be hung up on the past since its behind me nor think about the future since I do not have an idea what it would be like. All I have is today and that is what I am going to focus on.

They say that the one constant thing in this world is change. But I think it is also the same thing that people are scared of. I know I am. I am scared of changing who I am, of forgetting who I am. Changing means shaking the equilibrium that I have built for myself all these years. I think when we have built a world that we are comfortable in, we would really want to keep it that way. Once we have built our very own bubble, we are scared to venture away from it. But then we are hindering ourselves from learning when we do that. But do we really change or like what the song said we just "need a new version of me"? When I turned a year older this year, I remembered this song. It has been awhile since I last saw an episode of Felicity or have heard of this song but for some reasons I thought of it, if not the day of my birthday, the days after it. I had visions of clearing away my closet for clothes that I thought I must not wear anymore, thought of changing my hair. Aside from the hair part, I haven't done it but it continues to plague my thoughts and I am thinking that maybe I should look deeply and find "a new version of me". Who or what is the "new version of me"? I am not sure yet but I am slowly discovering it. I do not mean total abandonment of the person that I have become. I am who I am today because of the people I have met, experiences - both good and bad that I have been through, trials, challenges, failures, triumphs, disappointments, happiness, sadness, heartaches that I have been through and will still be facing. But I think just do what I want to do without having to worry of what others will say or do something and worry about it later. What have I thought of so far?

• start writing again. May it be poetry, essay, short story, anything. I have equated not writing to not feeling and I don't want to be that way. Even if I am not in my best of moods, I still would want to write because at least I know that I still have feelings and not totally apathetic.
• rediscover cooking and baking, who knows enroll in culinary school finally. I have been sent a brochure and each time I see the ad on tv, my yearning grows. I don't plan to make a career out of it. Its just my passion.
• save up so I can live on my own and bring my sister along. Living with relatives has its good and bad points but at this point in my life I would want to stay away from the people that sometimes make me question who I am and what I am. I would like to be comfortable and happy rather than being sensitive and understanding of other people's feelings. Papa was right I have to start thinking of "me" first rather than other people.
• Travel by myself. Well, maybe go to place where I may know someone but discover the place on my own. I always do the "touristy" thing but I don't think I truly know the place. No specific place in mind yet.
• Learn photography. I have the perfect camera already in mind. Just need to buy it (still saving) and start learning.
• Start dressing my age. It seems shallow but I think the reason people don't believe how old I am is because of the way I dress.
• In one of my "crazy" days, I have thought of getting a tattoo LOL. A small one. A heart, a dolphin, a flower, anything small. I used to want it in my lower back but now I want it in the inside of my ankle. I think that is the ultimate rebellion for people who know me but then again this is not about rebellion but about a new version of me. So that is still questionable plus the fact that I am deathly scared of needles. That is one factor I have to consider. Maybe compromise and get a henna tattoo one instead. At least I got that out of the way.

We will see.

3-0

12:00AM 3/28/2006

Happy Birthday!!!

- Mama

How fitting is it that at the stroke of midnight the very first greeting I got was from the person I owe my life to - my Mama! Papa already sent me a text message a day early. He is functioning on Philippine time so when it was the 28th there he greeted me. His text made me tear up because he said that early that day Mama was just recalling that as if it was just yesterday that I was on a crib at the bakery and here I am now all grown up but sans a lovelife. Thanks Papa! But of course, he just had to add the one comment I should get used to this year..."lagas ka na!" (You're old!). Along with it are:

"wala ka na sa month ng February" (You cant be found in the month of February)

"malapit ka na mawala sa kalendaryo" (You will soon no longer be in the calendar)

"30 ka na?! (insert gasp) ang tanda mo na!" (You are 30?! You are old!)

Another first was my sister Jehann greeting me a few seconds after my mom did. It was a surprise since my sister is usually asleep by midnight. But she set her alarm so she can greet me before she goes back to bed. My other siblings: Nicco and Camille sent me text messages. I am really grateful for all the greetings - in Friendster, forums, emails, calls, text messages, instant messages just about any avenue there is. It is truly heartwarming.

Turning 30 is scary. Its daunting. I do not know what to expect or what is going to happen. I guess I got too comfortable living in my 20's that nothing could prepare me for this stage in my life. But a friend told me that there should be nothing to be scared of because I have a lot to be thankful for. He is right. I have the greatest parents, siblings, cousins and friends. I have lived a good life as well and that is enough to celebrate and to toast the years to come.

I guess I am one of the few that actually do not mind telling people my real age when asked. I am not insulted by such questions. Not that its a joyride either but I just see no sense denying or hiding it. I think I heard it on Oprah one time that "to deny one's age is to deny a part of who you are". I have no intentions of sorts so when people ask, I tell them. Usually they do not believe anyway which is a compliment I gladly accept. Just this morning someone actually thought I was 17. Oh if that sweet old lady only knows.

Today marks the start of a new year for me. I don't have expectations nor grandiose plans. I am just going to enjoy it as much as I can.

What's in the stars?

I am not really a big believer of horoscopes but its my birthday so I indulged myself.

Aries 3/28/2006

Relying on others doesn't come easily to you, but you need a third party's advice. Right now, this person has much more detachment on a tricky topic than you do. What they can tell you is invaluable.

It's time to relax and have some fun -- not alone, but not in a crowd of thousands, either. You want to have some fun, but you probably also want to spend your time with just one quality person. Someone you've been dying to spend your time with. So instead of dragging yourself out and pretending to have a good time if you're not really in the mood, snuggle up, kick back and enjoy a quiet evening -- a party of two.

You need to make sure you are surrounded by people for most of the day. You can absorb the energy they generate, and they will probably need some direction from you at the right time.

Your understanding of others and your willingness to jump right in makes you an ideal romantic advisor at the moment, so don't be surprised if everyone's consulting you about matters of the heart. Just advise carefully!

Dragon 3/28/2006

You'll have the possibility to reach a long-coveted objective. You'll also succeed in making yourself indispensable in your professional circle and your ideas will be taken as the authority. Some risks of disorders, especially as concerns your kidneys. Perturbations in your emotional life, but you can finally work out an understanding with your mate. Influential people may offer you their help to promote your affairs. A change may prove very favorable and based on a stable and serious union.

You'll devote much of your time and energy to the task of bringing to a successful conclusion the projects that you have your heart set on, but some unexpected obstacles will slow down their progress and put your patience to the rough test. Also, you'll often be set against yourself, for you will have too much ambition and will forgive yourself no weakness or shortcoming. Try to be less tense and you'll be promptly rewarded, as this year the stars will greatly favor patience and tenacity. Casual encounters may very well end up as profound friendships. These relationships will prove most interesting to you since, apart from their sentimental aspect, a common intellectual research will give your exchanges a non-conventional character that will delight you. Remember that 'friendship doubles joys and reduces sorrows by half' (Francis Bacon).

It's nearer than I want it to be

1 week

7 days

168 hours

10080 minutes

I still have mixed feelings about it. I don't know what to expect, what to think or what to do. Or maybe I am just thinking into this way too much than I should. I can spend this week dissecting what the past year has been or I can just look back and reflect on it with a smile even with all the ups and downs. I can look back and ponder on the "what ifs" and "could have beens" or just shrug, pick myself up, move on and look ahead.

Is this year going to be just like last year that it will pass by so swiftly that I wouldn't even notice it much. Or would it be different? I don't know if this year would be better or worse than last year but I hope it would be better and happier. So far it is starting to look promising and interesting.

Dinner with Chantal and others on Tuesday

Dinner with Isy and Kat on Wednesday

Party with relatives on Sunday

Reality in TV

(Disclaimer: Some parts of this entry may be a spoiler to some readers who follow these shows. Please read with caution.)

I think people will be surprised to know that I watch a lot of law-enforcement themed shows: C$I (V3gas, Mi@mi & N3w Y0rk); Law&Order: SVU, WithoutATrace, PrisonBreak and 24. I like how C$I and L&O are able to crack cases and the process that they go through and WAT finding the missing and how I feel like I was one of the characters who are searching for that missing person. I will admit that the first thing that drew me into PrisonBreak was its star: WentworthMiller then the story got really good and I have been watching it regularly. As for 24, I would only watch it sporadically but my uncle got me hooked so now I try to watch it regularly as well. It is fast paced and adrenaline-filled.

Other than for entertainment purposes, so far its been these last 2 shows (PB & 24) that has stirred the most emotion from me specifically disdain for the two characters in these shows: the Vice-President in PB and President Logan in 24. I guess the reason why I abhor them so much is because I know of people like these. I have had encounters with people like these and it is appalling. I usually refrain from discussing politics but I think watching these shows last night just made me so mad. I don't know if there could ever be a more stupid president than President Logan. Each episode I feel like eradicating him from this world. He is more concerned of how he will be perceived than taking care of his citizens. He has limited skills in decision making and relies so much on his aides who also don't know much. He would rather listen to his aides than to his wife who has been so far right in her observations eventhough her state of mind is in question. But she actually make sense when she isn't drunk or drugged. Sometimes I wonder how did this dimwit ever become president but then I stop and remember that I don't have to look very far because all I need to do is just look outside my window and such a character is prevalent in Philippine politics. Each election year, we have "clowns" roaming our streets appealing to us to give them a chance to serve us but only for them to be unreachable when the call to serve is already there. But then again who really is to blame why we have these "clowns" in office: Is it them who are testing if we will take their bait or is it us, voters who take the bait? So is the stupid that is President Logan a reflection of our politicians or a reflection of us, voters? I guess a little of both and maybe the reason why I am so enraged by this character is because he is a manifestation of the reality in Philippine politics that try as we might to fight against continue to persist.

If the character of President Logan irritates the heck out of me, the Vice President on PB makes me so mad. I feel like she is the one that needs to be put in the electric chair. If President Logan is stupid, the VP is just pure evil and she reminds me so much of someone I know. The VP is just way prettier than this other person. The way she manipulates, uses and takes advantage of her position is so dead-on and the sad part is it seems no one is able to stop her...yet. She will do just about anything just to cling on to that power that she holds so dear. This person I know even went to as far as pressuring people in government to close down a school because its owned by someone who might run against her and topple her. A school that is giving free education to deserving students. She is going to do that to ensure her re-election even if its at the expense of her constituents' education and dream of a better life not only for themselves but for their families as well. The VP doesn't appear regularly but when she does, she just spews pure venom that I always feel like sticking my hand into my tv, holding her by the neck and shaking the life out of her.

I am not a violent person but when it comes to characters like these I cannot help it. I guess because I am not able to do it to the person and the characters on tv shows are much more accessible and without repercussions. The beauty though of watching these characters on tv is I can always change the channel but sadly such isn't the case in real life. We all have to deal with it whether we like it or not. But then again, we can always choose not to deal with it at all when we don't allow it from the very beginning. Then again that is easier said than done.

Bonding time

For the past two Saturdays my relatives and I have been having some drinking sessions and our choice of drink was this. I actually do not want to refer to it as drinking sessions. When I think of it, what comes to mind is a group of people drinking and the talking part is just secondary. Usually when everyone are pretty much drunk. Ours was more of good conversations and we just happen to have some beers on hand. I am not a beer drinker but when I tried San Mig Light I liked it. It was smooth and didn't have that bitter after taste which turned me off beer before. Even when it wasn't ice cold it was still good. I know that this is not something new to my sister and brother in the Philippines but its quite new here. Its only been lately that this was available.

It was pretty fun but I admit kind of odd to be drinking with a male cousin who is 8 years older and 2 uncles, who were really not that old. Both are 40 years old and not at all far from our ages but still they are my uncles. They knew that I drink but never WITH them. Add to that we were having shots of this all around too. So it was a bit strange at first. If that wasn't weird enough, my 2 aunts and Lola were also there but they didn't drink it was just a cousin, my sister and myself.

Topics varied from the funny to serious to teasing. Being that it was only the 3 of us girls who are single, we got a lot of ribbing but it was all in good fun. We discussed family issues, relationships, and life in general. Its nice to have that relationship with my male relatives. We are able to get a good perspective into the male specie and we also got to ask age old questions about them. Not that we really got good answers but still. One funny moment was when my uncle told me specifically that "men are like diesel fuel. They need time to warm up!" To which I said "so you are admitting that you guys are slow!" This got laughs from everyone and a "batok" from my cousin. I admit I can be sarcastic and add alcohol to that, well...

Conversations like these are not at all new to me. I used to have the same conversations with my guy friends and guy cousins but never with uncles. It has been awhile since I felt I have had great conversations with people. Most of my cousins who I am always with are just in their teens. They have a far different concern that I do. So what happened this Saturday was nice. It was the first time we did it when it was just a small group of us and it was out of the blue. We just decided to get together, get some drinks and we were not expecting that it was going to turn out the way it did. It was daunting at first to open up in front of my uncles. I can do that with my brother, my cousins and my friends well because they are closer to my age and I consider them my peers. Uncles just put them in a totally different level. After all they are my mom's youngest brother and brother-in-law. I guess I was anxious to get to know them deeper because I feared it might cloud this whole perception that I have in mind of them and vice versa. I didn't want their perception of me to be clouded. But boy was I wrong. I think it was a great opportunity to get to know one another well. Now, we cannot wait for the next one.

Happy 90th Lolo!

My maternal Lolo would have turned 90 today if he was still alive. He was 85 when he died. Had Lolo not uproot his family from San Pablo Laguna to Tacloban City, I don't think my parents would have ever met. So I thank him for that. When we remember him it is always attached to food. See, my Lolo was the cook in the family. He was usually up by 5 AM tinkering in his kitchen. Granted its not the best sound to wake up to with all those banging of pots and pans but anticipation boils to the surprise on what dishes he would prepare for that day. My cousins talk of how they would tell him during breakfast they want leche flan for dessert and come lunch time, there is already leche flan ready. He has spoiled us too because after having a taste of his leche flan, everything else does not even compare. I didn't like eating ampalaya (bittermelon) but I changed my mind when I tasted Lolo's ampalaya dish. For some reasons, he did something to take away the bitterness. Now, unless its cooked by a member of the family, I eat any ampalaya dish with caution. Good thing he passed on all his recipes to all his children. Even when he was sick and couldn't cook anymore, he still managed to be involved. Lola was cooking something and he was just sitting in his lounge chair and out of the blue, he would say "kulang ng paminta!". It left us all baffled as to how he even knew about it because he was right, it did lack pepper. He had the most sarcastic sense of humor of anyone I know and said it with a straight face which could make all of us laugh to no end. His many "hirits" would just make us laugh and shake our heads.

Lolo and Lola married young and they were married for 65 years. Looking at them, it doesn't seem like they have been married that long because they were most of the time enveloped in "newlywed bliss". I remember coming home from school when they were visiting us and I saw them sitting by the bench by our porch watching as people went by. Mama told me that they have been there since lunch time and it was already almost 6 when I went home. They would just sit there and talk for endless hours. He also liked to share stories of his growing up years with us. He wanted to become a pilot but due to financial constraints and family obligations he wasn't able to pursue it. But he didn't seen bitter when he would tell us that story. He would just shrug as if it was one of those. Not that he didn't want us to pursue our dreams but he was just merely telling us that there may be other things destined for us. He didn't languish in the "what could have beens", he just dealt with life as it came along. Being the father of 15 children wasn't easy but Lolo tried the best that he could. He made sure that all his children had an education that they could be proud of. He allowed them to pursue their dreams and yet still instilling in them that they have their individual family obligations that they have to attend to. All children took turns looking after the bakery - the family's primary source of income. When Mama took over the management, she instilled in us the very same thing.

I spent a good amount of my growing up years with them around. Up until I was 1, we lived with them at the bakery. When we moved into our own house, we would still spend our time there. Lolo would turn to me to ask for numbers when he would bet on jai alai. I would write the number in a piece of paper and hand it over to him. If he was asleep, I would roll the paper and slip it in between his toes. Lolo spoiled his grandchildren but not to the point of tolerating bad behavior. I don't think he has ever overstepped in his boundary as a grandparent. He doted on us but not once came in between when our parents felt the need to discipline us.

His last few months were tough. He was in and out of the hospitals but he would manage to pull through. Lolo had incredible strength. He didn't allow his age to be a deterrent. He and Lola would still travel from US to Philippines on their own until he got sick. We thought that in February of 2001 we would be saying goodbye but he gave a fight and gave us enough time to prepare ourselves and left in September of that year. Today, as we celebrate another year, we are really celebrating life. We are celebrating the life that he lived when he was still with us and we are celebrating the life that he left in each and every one of us. This is why we remember him with a smile and laugh rather than with tears.

Happy Birthday Lolo Desto!

DWU Re-opens

My alma mater Divine Word University closed down 10 years ago due to a labor dispute with the labor union. My siblings and I went to school there from kindergarten but it was only my sister Jehann and I who were able to finish our high school education there. My brother Nicco and sister Camille had to transfer to another school to finish their high school education. Papa along with a few of Mama's siblings graduated from this school as well. It was really sad that it had to close down but now good news after ten long years it is slated to re-open. But sadly, it cannot anymore keep the name Divine Word University because according to the Securities and Exchange Commission, the school closed down 10 years ago and hence lost its university status. So now, its new name will be Liceo del Verbo Divino. This is amazing news for everyone who has walked the halls of this school.

Leyte Samar Daily Express

Silver Lining

Papa always told us to be thankful that we grew up in the countryside. He told me that one time a few years back and it has stuck with me. Well, Tacloban really isn't a countryside but its a not a big cosmopolitan either and I like it that way. All four of us along with a lot of our friends ventured away to Manila or Cebu for college but we all still went home - sem breaks, Christmas breaks and best of all summer. Some have even returned and stayed. Just my siblings and me alone, the moment we find out when the last day of classes would be, its a sure thing that we are already calling the ticketing office to book our flights going home and we don't return to Manila until a day or two before classes start. We are packed a week before our departure for Tacloban but we don't pack until an hour before our return flight. Sometimes, Mama had to pack our stuff because we come up with a barrage of excuses just not to do it.

The past few days, much focus has been given on Leyte. It was even on breaking news in all the major television networks all over the world. Sadly, it is because of the tragedy that happened in Southern Leyte much like the Ormoc tragedy back in 1991. Its sad that we only gain focus when something bad happens to our tiny province. Without those I don't think people would even have a clue where to find it in the map of the Philippines. I experienced this first hand when my classmates do not even have an idea where Leyte was to think that the high school curriculum included Philippine Geography. I have had my share of "saan yun?" when they would ask me where I came from like I came from another planet. It was irritating and annoying but I figured after awhile that it was a pitiful sight. How sad that they do not know about it. So instead of being pissed off, I decided to take it upon myself to educate them about Leyte with whatever I know.

Time moves in a slower pace there. There are no major malls or hot clubs but if one seeks some tranquility, one can find it there. The beaches are a short drive or walk away. They are no Boracay or Amanpulo or other beaches in the Philippines that gets featured in travel magazines. The beauty of our beaches is the fact that it doesn't need major planning nor lots of money to get there. My friends and I have had "spur of the moment" trips to the beach with just enough money to cover the jeepney fare and food. Those were fun times.

Tacloban City is small but one can find basic necessities and more. A lot of people I found out had this vision that we were far behind as far as technology goes and it surprised them that this wasn't the case. I read somewhere that Tacloban was one of the very first cities to have internet cafes. Almost all household had cable when not a lot of people in other parts of the country had them. Almost all households had telephone lines when maybe in other parts of the country were still clamoring to get one. Yes, we have an airport and there are regular flights to Manila daily. Sea and land are also alternative means of getting there. There are hotels and restaurants and bars. Abundant and wide array of the freshest seafoods. There is even one place in Tacloban where we always went to, its call "Baybayon" (seashore). We go there for breakfast, watch as the fishermen bring their harvest to the shore, we pick whatever seafood we want, have someone prepare it the way we want it and then we walk along the seashore and bask in the sea breeze and early morning sunshine while waiting for our food to cook.

I haven't been home in seven years but I get regular updates on what is going on in my province. I know enough to be amazed at how much progress there has been. Maybe I am just idealistic but I knew that there is potential for it to grow and improve. I guess for Eastern Visayas (Leyte & Samar) to be judged as "Best Destination" during one of the Travel Fairs was no fluke. It just needs more exposure of the good kind. We have the Pintados Festival every June 29. I bet not a lot of people know that the national dance of the Philippines, Tinikling originated from Leyte. I didn't know either until I was watching one of my cousins PCN (Philippine Cultural Night) performances and I read it on the program.

I bet there are far more good things about Leyte that I myself do not know yet but hope to discover. Papa's years in politics allowed him to explore places in Leyte that we didn't even know about. He would come home with stories and it always fascinated us. My sister and I plan to travel the province and make a travelogue in the near future. The tragedies of recent may have directed people's attention to my province but I hope it stays past when a sense of normalcy has been restored, people have rebuilt and the province is back on its feet again. Maybe there is a silver lining behind all these tragedies other than realizing that we have to take care of our environment and natural resources. I hope that people will discover that Leyte is way bigger than the tragedies that has become part of our history. If its asking too much from the rest of the world, I guess its not too much to ask from my fellow Leyteños. Aton Ini! (It's ours!)

Wag naman sana

Just as everyone else is recovering from the flu, I think I am about to get it when flu season should already be over. I have been sneezing incessantly for the past few days. I thought it was just my allergies acting up after all I walked by someone mowing their lawn two days in a row but it lasted more than that. Then, yesterday my sneezing got worse and is now partnered with an intense sore throat. I couldn't sleep last night and this morning I woke up with pain all over my body. I hope its just due to not sleeping in a good position and not the flu.

I do not like being sick. Worse, I do not like being sick without my mom around. Call me a baby but I think no matter how independent and grown-up we become, we unleash our inner "baby" when we get sick. We want our moms to be there for us. It sucks getting sick when you are by yourself. This has happened to me once and I am not one who goes through self-pity but that particular time I genuinely felt sorry for myself. Despite the soreness, the fever, I had to get up to prepare my food and to give my medicine to me. It didn't help that I got sick towards the end of December almost into the new year. My whole body just shut down that I had no choice but to stay in bed. I sent my parents a text message of my situation and no more than five minutes later, the phone rang and it was my brother on an overseas call. My parents were worried about me that they cried when they found out I was sick. I felt bad telling them but it sure helped hearing their voices for me to get well. Sure, I would have wished for a bowl of Mana Mila's soup or my mom telling me to take my medicines on time but that call somehow eased all the pain that I felt.

My parents don't know yet that I am not feeling well and I don't intend for them to find out. I am not really THAT sick yet and I do not want them to worry. They don't need it right now when our house is being renovated. They have to take advantage that it has stopped raining to start clearing our house. Its not going to be some major thing that they would have to tear our house down. Just some adjustments need to be made so as to avoid being flooded again. My dad's best friend since high school who also happens to be a civil engineer is overseeing the clearing so that they will still be able to salvage some materials and use them in the new house. My siblings and I are really saddened that our house has to be renovated but its not like its going to be changed dramatically. Just a little lift so that flood waters wont be able to seep in anymore.

Its Ash Wednesday and I have decided to give up eating rice for the entire season of Lent. That is a shocker. But can I excuse myself today since I am not feeling well? But that would be the same as cheating. *sigh* I don't know if I will be able to fulfill this but I am just glad that I am not alone in this. Most of my family members have decided to give up eating rice as well so at least I have some company. We can all encourage each other and at the same time scold each other if and when we fall off the wagon. My rice consumption really has no direct correlation with my colds in the cure of it but drinking loads of liquids has. So I cant use my being sick as an excuse to eat rice. Oh well!

I hope this cold and sore throat go away as soon as possible and not escalate into a flu. I should really just take a rest but staying at home wont do that to me. The weather isn't helping either. One day we have warm weather, the next minute its a sudden downpour. I hope summer comes already. For the mean time, I have to fend off this nasty cold and sore throat with an overdose of juices and water. And I hope to be well enough before I talk to my parents so they wont have to worry anymore. Tinolang isda sounds really good right now but I would have to eat rice with it. Hmm, di bale na!

The countdown begins...

Today marks the start of the countdown to my reaching the big 3-0! I am not sure yet what to feel about it. One day I am dreading it, the next day I am fine with it. After all what is age, its just a number anyway. Plus, I think I already have enough external pressures to deal with in this lifetime to put the very same thing on myself. But still it doesn't take away that feeling of self-doubt if I have done something significant in my life. Much as I brush it aside, it somehow finds its way to creep into my consciousness.

A few days ago, my cousin asked me what my plan was. I was dumbstruck. I didn't know what to say. A question from a 19 year old left me speechless. Then as I was able to absorb her questions, I asked myself the same question. What is my plan or do I even have one? I am not one of those people who set timelines on one's self. I felt that all my life I have done just that - move in the time set by other people. By 7, you are in school. By 12 you are done with grade school. By 16, you are out of high school and by 21 you should be done with college. Even the classes I have to take in college followed some flowchart. After college, find a job and after that start a family, have children etc.

Don't get me wrong, I am not one who just walks through life with no clear destination. I do, but its not as specific and as detailed as some people. My plans are not set in stone nor in time. I figured I don't need that additional stress and pressure anymore. Living trough life day by day is already enough. Plus, I prefer to enjoy my journey rather than just be focused on reaching my destination. Besides, there is no such thing as an iron-clad plan. We may have set certain timelines upon our life but life can be cruel and mischievous sometimes. Even the most planned life will hit a snag along the way and when that happens, it puts us into this roller-coaster ride that we don't know how to get out of. This is what happened to Abby in the movie "Don't Give Up On Us". She had her whole life planned out with set times and yet life had other plans for her. She is made to question if the life that she has set for herself is really what is destined to be hers or something else.

This is the kind of situation that I am avoiding. I prefer to not have set expectations and set timelines because it means not having pressure and not having disappointments and frustrations when it doesn't turn out the way I have planned it. But, my cousin's question made me think if I am doing the right thing, of just walking through it. And this message on a billboard I saw over the weekend added to it. The message said: "A goal is a dream with a deadline!" I turned to myself and wondered where am I with regard to my goals?

Actually, my cousin's question was more about relationships than career wise. I am constantly besieged by questions of when I am getting married. Among cousins, there are four of us born in the same year. I am the only girl and come September I am going to be the only unattached one. Oh well! If I had a dollar for every time I am asked that question, I could be a millionaire by now. I have learned a way to answer those questions...Not to answer it at all. I mean, if I knew the answer I would tell them but at this point in time, I don't. Sure, it would be nice to have that someone but I am not going to lose any sleep over it, nor stress over it. Am I worried? Not really. I have always maintained the thought that if its for me then its for me. Funny but the other side of the billboard said: "Instead of looking for the right person, be the right person!" And that is what I am going to do but I wonder... how will you know if you are the right person if you do not have that person to tell you and make you feel that you are?

If these kinds of questioning marked the official start of my countdown, I think I am in for a crazy, unpredictable journey into my 30's. I don't know if I am ready for it or if I am well equipped to weather through it but there is something about life that doesn't change in time, we just have to continue living it, plans or no plans, with and without timelines.

Baha na naman

First off I want to offer my prayers to those who died and those still missing in the landslide that happened in Southern Leyte. Isy sent me a text message to inform me that it was in the news that there was a landslide in Leyte. She didn't know exactly where and the news didn't mention it. I sent my dad a text message to ask but he wasn't privy to that information either. I thought it was the same one that I read from the Tacloban website. But I was wrong. This was a separate incident. It was breaking news in all the news programs but it just mentioned Leyte island but no specifics. Its tough because as a Leyteño I want to know what is going on but the news were just as vague as the mud that came down. Leyte is a large province and comprised of Leyte (Northern Leyte) and Southern Leyte. I can only speculate where it could have possibly happened but nothing definite until I came to the office and read the Philippine dailies online.

Living in the Eastern side of the Philippines, typhoons, continuous heavy rainfall and flooding are part of our daily lives. When one of my parents inform me that "baha na naman sa bahay" I don't know how to react anymore. Its such a regular occurrence that we just shrug and take it in stride. Not my parents though and for good reasons. From the time we moved into our house some 28 years ago I don't know how many times we have had to renovate our house. It was not so bad before but due to rapid development around us, a common case in any suburbia, it has gotten worse over the years. I have had my share of walking through flood to get to my aunt's house which is at the higher part in our street. Our house sits in what used to be a swamp but nothing that engineering couldn't deal with. But the fact is we are lower than the highway so when it rains, water goes down and accumulates in our side and with not much place to go since development occurred behind us, it stays infront of our house. There have been instances too that water came inside our house and we have had to stay at my aunt's house.

My dad along with my cousins have thought of ways of dealing with it. I don't know how many times we have had to raise our floor. A flood control drainage was built but it doesn't lessen our anxiety as soon as it starts raining again. My mother's blood pressure goes up and my dad who hasn't even recovered from the previous flooding has to deal with it again. Just last December just before Christmas, incessant rain once again came. Mama and Mana Mila had to scramble to make sure that the house will be ready when my siblings came home from Manila and my aunt and uncles arrive from the US. Then, just last week, it happened again. Four days of rain was just a bit too much. Good thing, Mama was in Manila at that time and was told to stay there until it was okay for her to come home. Her blood pressure might just shoot up again when she sees the house. Papa had to stay at a hotel for the time being.

Yet, despite the constant problems that we have to deal with, we cannot just pack up and leave. This is our home regardless. This is where all four of us siblings grew up. Each and every nook and corner of it holds a memory or two. Mama out of frustration told my sister that she just wants to sell our house and rent somewhere since its just her and Papa anyway. I didn't want to hear any of it. I mean, my parents spent all of their lives making sure we have a roof above our heads only for them not to be able to enjoy it now. My parents sacrificed a great deal for us to have that house and as long as there is still a way, that house is going to stay with us. The flooding may be troublesome but thinking of all the good memories we have had in that house somehow ease all the trouble. Despite of everything, I love our house and I am sure my siblings share that feeling. I once joked to Mama that I know that my brother, being the only boy would get the house. Of course, she denied that, told me it belongs to all four of us. I am not naive to how our society works so I know that there is a possibility that it will go to my brother but I added that if he doesn't take good care of it, I am going to take it back. Knowing my brother, I am definite that he will make sure that it will belong to all of us and if it does go to him, he will take good care of it.

This is the only house my siblings and I know. We have seen it grow as we did. A lot of people have said that once they step into our house they sense a "welcoming feeling" and that is such a nice thing to hear. We all have had our share of parties and sleepovers here. Our friends love to hang out at our house and our parents like having them too. But more than that, we as a family have made really amazing memories in this house that we have come to treasure for as long as we live. We have meals and family meetings in the same dining set that Papa designed. We have all sat at our porch and enjoyed talking and teasing each other all night or just staring at the night sky. We have all sat infront of the tv watching one show. All four siblings have had to jump over our fence when we would come home without our house keys. No matter how old and grown-up we have become, we still sleep in the floor of our parents room, all squished but happy. I do not know of a corner in our house that we don't have a story to tell. For an outsider looking in, it may just be a house but to us, it is our home and "baha" or "no baha" it is going to remain that way.

What if there is a "perfect man"?

When Jennie tagged me, it made me think back to that time in high school when my girl friends and I with nothing to do came up with what we thought and felt would be the "perfect man". The characteristics of a man that we were throwing were not from actors but from people we knew so well...Our very own guy friends and the guys in our class. Too bad not one of us wrote it down. It would have been a fun thing to read now after so many years. We could have discovered if our perception of the "perfect man" has changed or not over the years.

There was an episode of Friends wherein Ross made a list of what Rachel was. Some time ago, I too had a list almost similar to this. In it, I wrote what to me was "attractive, not attractive, negotiable and bonus points" in a guy. Yup, I can be a bit neurotic sometimes or maybe I was just bored that day. I can't seem to find that list now. It is probably in between one of my books somewhere. I actually do not mind that I can't find it or that I don't even remember what I wrote in there because I realized over the years that it is unfair of me to base a guy on whether he fits my list or not. I am boxing them in a position that they are totally unaware of. When I meet that guy that I will click with, he will just seem to fit the list somehow. The list would just be inconsequential. Plus, I think there is no such thing as a perfect person as Clare said "it's the imperfections that often make people more interesting". I believe that. The imperfections are actually what makes them perfect if it makes any sense.

However, for the purpose of this "meme", here are 8 different points of my "perfect" partner.

The rules are:

1. The tagged victim has to come up with 8 different points of his/her perfect partner. (I decided not to tag anyone. Whoever is interested in doing this can do so.)

2. Need to mention the sex/gender of the target.

3. If tagged a 2nd time, there's no need to post again.

The sex of the target: Male

1. He has to be respectful. Of himself, of me, of the things and people that are important to the two of us. No two people are alike. We all have our differences and I think that's what make us unique people, what makes us individuals. We just have to accept and respect our respective differences. My parents are so different in so many ways. They have looked at the same thing with different eyes and yet they both accept that and respect each other. Just cause the other person doesn't see it our way, it doesn't make it invalid. Just respect and accept it and never undermine it. Respect my individuality don't be threatened by it. Respect me not because I am a woman but because I am a person, a human being much like you are, an equal. I believe that a relationship is a partnership not a corporation.

2. He must be able to carry a good conversation. Both sides of my family CAN talk and its very important that he is not going to get lost in the mix. We can even talk about the most mundane things. A lot of really great conversations start from those. I want someone with whom I can talk about anything and everything under the sun. We can even talk about the same things and yet still seems like its the first time we ever talked about it. Someone who I wouldn't mind being trapped in an island with because I know I wouldn't die of boredom. Someone that I can talk for hours with and does not seem like we have.

3. He must be secured. Secured in his own self that nothing fazes him. Comfortable in his own skin. Secured in his masculinity that showing emotions is not a sign of weakness but of strength and humanity. I think that possessiveness and jealousy stem from insecurity. When he is secured, he knows who he is, what he is, does not really care what other people say and yet still able to get along with others. The type na puwedeng mong iwan in a party or with a group of people and he would know what to do.

4. He must have a good sense of humor. Be sarcastic even as long as it's not cruel or rude. He must know how to laugh at himself. Someone "pikon" wont work with me nor with my family. Both sides of my family have the craziest sense of humor and he should be able to deal with that. Yung marunong sumakay. He must also know how to have fun and find bliss even if we are doing nothing.

5. One who is passionate of his beliefs, of life, of what he does, of what is important to him, of every aspect of his life that when he talks about these you feel enveloped in that energy and excitement that you feel like finding your own passion as well.

6. One who would be my personal cheering squad and vice versa. One who would lift me up when I need one and I would do the same thing. One who would have faith in me when everyone else even my own self have lost it. One who when things are tough would comfort me and assure me that things have a way of working out. He may not be sure of it but at least he tried.

7. He must have a sense of family and friends. I am really close to my family. Sure, there are days that they can be crazy that I feel like pulling all my hair out but the fact still remains that they are family and they will always have my back no matter what. Same with friends. I have had the same friends since I was in first grade. They have been with me through the good and the bad times. He need not be all chummy with my friends but at least be civil and accept that they are part of my life no matter what.

8. One who would accept me for who I am and it is a guarantee I will do the same to you. He is able to see the person beyond the facade. I have my moments of "craziness" and he is able to live with that and accept that. He need not defend me when people think otherwise, just knowing that he is fine with it is enough for me. I am not "perfect" myself. He must be able to accept that and does not attempt to change me into his "idea" of who I must be.

I know that it is only asking for 8 but I want to add one more. It would be great if he knows how to cook. I think there is nothing more sexy and perfect than a guy in an apron and treats his kitchen as if it's his own kingdom. The saying "the quickest way to a man's heart is through his stomach" does not only apply to guys.

Event Planning, cute niece & hollow feelings

I was on major "Type A" personality mode over the weekend planning for my grandmother's 85th birthday in August. This should have been started right after she celebrated her birthday last year but knowing my relatives they like to torture themselves by doing things at the last minute. Aside from doing things at the last minute, no one seems to be thinking about it and with the drama going on I sort of expected that. So I took it upon myself to start something. I told my older cousin about my idea and he agreed with me. Plus, I thought if it's us, cousins at the helm of it, di mag-iinarte ang mga kamag-anak ko. If I had the financial capability I would not ask for help but sadly I do not so we have to discuss it with my aunts and uncles. I am just glad that my cousin and I are on the same page on how we are going to go about it so it does not feel so overwhelming. Nakaka-inis lang because some of my relatives have been verbally told that we will take care of it but no, some still went behind our backs to look at places without notifying me or Kuya first. I appreciate the help but run it by me or by Kuya first before doing anything. If that wasn't enough, she made a comment that we have to be on it (as if we are not!) and that we don't have much time (we are VERY aware of it!).

My entire Saturday was spent calling possible venues for availability and for their menus. We have narrowed it to 2 places with 2 different dates but still in August. Now we just have to make a decision based on the menus and the budget of course. I made a summary of each venue from the menu choices to the taxes to the additional charges to payment policy. I read every fine print there was to make sure I have everything covered. Mahirap na ang maisahan! I just have to present all these to my aunts and uncles for final decision and it should be a go. But knowing my relatives' personalities, some of them would make it hard for us especially if its not convenient for them. We have anticipated that and we have contingent plans in place. If all else fail, Bahala sila sa buhay nila!

My niece, Angela Denise or as we call her "Ali Baba" is the cutest baby ever! She is only 14 months and she is so smart. She eats solid foods now and is always happy. She is low maintenance too. She is the youngest in the family right now so everyone's attention is on her with good reasons. She was so hyper last night that I was getting tired looking at her. But her showing me that smile I was not too tired anymore. Looking at her, I feel my maternal instincts kicking in. Sure, I am at the age already to have a child but I am not sure if I have the emotional, spiritual and financial capability to be responsible for another human being. Add to that, I think I would need another person to be able to bring a child into this world and he is nowhere at this point in time. So I guess "my own" Ali Baba would just have to wait.

I have been hearing about "hollow feeling" this past week from a friend but I do not fully grasp what it really means. Sure, I may have an idea what it must be like but I don't think I really know how it feels like until these past few days. My youngest sister had to be admitted to the hospital because her platelets were scaringly low even for an adult. She had to be monitored that's why she had to be admitted. I felt sick when I found out that Camille was going to be hospitalized. It is just her and my brother in Manila. Bless my brother for knowing what to do. My parents were in Cebu watching The Lettermen concert on Monday and stayed for the night. They took the Super Cat from Cebu to Ormoc early morning Tuesday. They were met in Ormoc by our car to go home to Tacloban and that afternoon flew to Manila to be with my brother and sister. They spent the entire Tuesday traveling by all the means: sea, land and air. Good thing, my brother was there to look after my sister before our parents got there. These whole time Papa was keeping my sister and I updated through text messages. The suspicion was dengue fever but gladly it was ruled out. She had systemic viral infection. I would not be surprised that her body is shutting down on her since she hardly eats and sometimes would go to school with no sleep. She was soon discharged when her platelets went back to normal but now she had to be brought back to her doctor since she would vomit each time she would eat. I do not know yet what the results are. I just hope its nothing more than a really good rest would heal.

Valentine's came early

First some sad news, Bro. Andrew Gonzalez, FSC has passed away. He died of a lingering illness. Bro. Andrew was the president of DLSU when I was in college. I remember him as this jolly man who would roam the halls of the university with a ready smile. It would have been so intimidating to pass him in the halls but that was never the case with him. He greeted each student with a smile and when time permitted would engage in conversation with some. He will surely be missed.

Out on a date

To many it may look like a sad, pathetic sight. But to me it was a much needed respite from the noise-infested world that has enveloped me these past few days.

I took Friday off to go to my Optometrist for a much needed and scheduled eye exam. After three years of my vision being stable, it has increased dramatically. My right eye increased by a 100 and my left eye increased by 75. Not good but at least I have an answer now to the constant headaches and blurredness in vision that I have been having. Working in the medical field I think makes one a hypochondriac that when I was having all these headaches my mind went into overdrive and its scary. Well at least now I know that its nothing more than a little adjustment in my vision prescription to correct.

I also took it as the time to spend some time with myself. I realized I have not done it in awhile and I really need one at this point. Surprisingly and a good thing that I wasn't much in the mood for some retail therapy. Just walking around was enough for me that day. Since I had time to spare I had lunch at CPK and watched a movie all by myself. It is not like this is all new to me. I have done this before even when I was back in Manila. I watched movies by myself and I see nothing wrong with that but it seems some people think differently. But then again, its my life and I chose to live it the way I want to.

At CPK, I was given a table by the window. I will admit it kind of felt odd at first to be the person sitting by herself in that particular area of the restaurant. I was in clear view of everyone. As I wait for my food to arrive, I watched people on their way in and out of the mall. I am sure some of them noticed me too and who knows what they were thinking. It would have been less obvious if I sat at the bar. But the initial feelings soon subsided. To pass the time, I made an attempt to start writing again. The situation I was in would have been a good subject to start on but alas I could only write a few lines and some didn't even make any sense. I guess I didn't want to do anything else but bask in the peace that I found amidst the bustle that was lunch hour. It actually made me smile and God knows how much I needed that. So thank you God!

The end of a saga but the start of a new one

I have been following Jeff's blog since the time I found out about it from Gail's and that was probably some time last year. It was a chronicle of Jeff's feelings for his sister's bestfriend, Marga, who only sees him as "kuya". He was so open about his feelings that at some point, I wondered if all that was written were even real. Who knows if this guy was just a really good writer because he sure is one. But the events became real with every post. How many guys do I know who are as open as Jeff was about his feelings. It leaves you to wonder if such a guy still exists in this world and at the same time hope that maybe he still does exist. It is amazing how I got "attached" to this story that when he was initially rejected, I felt for him when I knew nothing about this guy outside of his blog. I guess it was but fitting to be happy for him when after some time things turned out well for him. He is no longer "kuya" Jeff. The whole saga was capped beautifully by having Marga write the latest update. It is just saddening though because since the saga has ended and he need not set her free anymore, it also means the end the blog. Unless of course they take into consideration that title I suggested at one point. I wish them all the best and I hope I get the chance to meet them at one point in this lifetime, to put a face on the people whose lives I have followed for some time.

Jeff thanked his readers and beside my name he wrote that I was the one who suggested that he should "set himself free". I guess it worked because when he did that's when she came back. How is it that it is easier to dish out the very same advice to someone that we should be directing to ourselves? I think each person has their own individual saga and wishes to find its end eventually. If its going to end the same way as Jeff's did who knows but I guess any end would be better than not knowing at all and just be left to wonder.

It's that time again

Can I fill out an application?

Huh? Ano daw?

That's all I could say when this guy I met on the bus last Wednesday on the way to work asked if he could fill out an application to be my boyfriend. No, this is not some stranger that I met for the first time asking. I have met him before on the same bus ride and he struck a conversation with me. Actually asked if I was interested in watching the AndrewE concert because he was selling tickets. Uhm, No! But see this is where I should slap myself because instead of telling the guy flat out no, I told him maybe so he got my contact number which I gave. Another one deserving a big hit in the head. But since I didn't save his number so when he would call it would appear as some random number on my phone and when that happens I don't usually pick up. More if it registers as a "private number". Telemarketers have masked their numbers like this and I have learned my lesson. So even if you are a relative of mine but if your number comes out as private, expect that I won't pick up my phone. Anyway, going back, after that initial meeting, I had the misfortune of being in the same bus as he was again. He asked why I never picked up before. I made some excuse of sorts that I was busy and had tons of work. It really wasn't a total lie. He told me that AprilBoyRegino is having a concert and if I want to watch because he was selling tickets. I really want to gag by now. Uhm, No! Did I learn my lesson? No! I didn't flat out say no that I don't want to. So now he expects me to give him an answer by this weekend but I already have an excuse ready.

See, this is one of my faults I tend to be PC a lot of times. I fear karma that even if I really want to gag and shut the door in someone's face, I don't. I wouldn't. Until of course if the other person is so dense not to take the hint after some time then that becomes a different story. I didn't want to talk to him so I kept reading the magazine that I had with me - Newsweek with BodeMiller on the cover. BodeMiller is far more interesting! He sort of got the hint that I wasn't in the mood to talk. But I guess he thought it wouldn't hurt to try again that is when he asked if I had a boyfriend, I said no! (why the hell didn't I lie?). Bakit wala? I just shrugged my shoulders. It is none of his business. The next thing that came out of his mouth was.. "puwedeng mag-fill out ng application?" WTF?? What am I? a job opening? I just didn't say anything. The guy probably thought he was being funny or cute when I just felt like hurling whatever I was holding at him. I didn't want to get arrested so I went back to BodeMiller. Now he is cute!

People have wondered why I still do not have a boyfriend or at least seeing someone especially here. That's just it, especially HERE! It doesn't mean that just because I am in the "land of milk and honey" my prospects have become better. They have not! I actually have met probably the oddest people ever. The "guy on the bus" is just one of them.

There is this one guy who was the neighbor of my uncle's. I do not know what gave my uncle an idea to ask me if he could give "neighbor guy" my number but I said it was fine. His parents belonged to the same charismatic group as my aunts and uncles so I guess he should be fine. Well, he was for some time. I was just talking to him on the phone. It was short at first since not long after he was given my number he went to the Philippines for a vacation. Since it would be his first time going home, I took it upon myself to point out the best points of the Philippines. He seemed interested in finding out more about the country so I became an unofficial member of WOW Philippines. I think it was my duty as a Filipino to promote the Philippines. When he came back I asked how his vacation was and he said he enjoyed it. While he was away, my cousins found out that their dad gave my number to "neighbor guy". Their reaction? They all said "ewww". I thought my cousins were just being mean. So I ignored it. We have been talking on and off for a month when he asked when we could meet. Call me paranoid but I really don't feel like meeting some random person somewhere by myself even though we have been talking. So I told him that I am pretty much always at my uncle's house. Maybe one of the days I am there we could meet. I wouldn't have minded that arrangement until he said "okay when you are at your uncle's house, ring our doorbell and I will open the door for you!" Huh?! Ano daw? Excuse me! Who does this guy think he is? That was the end of it.

I find weddings fun or so I thought when I went to my cousin's wedding. Well, her wedding was still fun because it was the first time I saw my uncles all drunk and making fools of themselves. I was minding my own business, having fun with my other cousins when this guy asked me to dance. He was from the groom's side. He actually had potential until I discovered he was gay. Okay! So I danced with him when all a sudden this girl from the pair that was dancing beside us said "Oh can we switch?" All perky and giddy which I have to admit scared me. It turned out that the guy who really wanted to dance with me was her partner and he just asked this other guy to ask me. I was beyond shock that I couldn't say anything. What is this, high school? I didn't want to be rude since he was the groom's cousin. I had no intention of starting a war between the two families on this day that my cousin and her groom were just united. And this happened two more times. So I danced with him, after one song I would complain that my feet hurt and that I didn't want to dance anymore. Both the truth and an excuse. It happened more than one time. He lived in Arizona and he couldn't believe that I was a few years older. I also couldn't believe how shorter he was compared to me and I am short and that he had highlights in his hair. In one of my excuses I thought he would go to his corner of the room - where all the groom's relatives are while I go to mine which is in the other side. But he had an idea to sit at our table and continue whatever it was that we were talking about much to my dismay. He asked for my number which I gave. I could have given him a wrong number but again didn't want to be rude and plus he could still get my number from my cousin. During in what I have decided would be the last dance with him because (1) I don't want to give him the wrong idea; (2) he was getting too close for comfort and (3) he was drunk from the open bar, he mentioned that he was returning to Arizona the next day. Fine by me! Then he told me, "give me a reason to come to California!" "Huh?! Ano daw?" I replied, "uhm, your family?" What did this guy expect me to say? He called and I spoke with him a few times after that then I think he got the message when I started making excuses to cut short our conversation. Plus, we pretty much talked about the same thing in our conversations...himself.

Maybe I am being overly picky or I have super high standards but am I not entitled to that? My rationale is I must start it high so that when I need to lower them, they would still be a bit high. Besides, my standards are really not that out of this world. I want someone who would respect my individuality. Someone secure enough in his own skin that nothing fazes him. Someone who would open new worlds to me. Someone I can stay all day having a conversation with - talking about anything and everything under the sun. Someone who can make me laugh. Someone who would take the chance to get to know the "me" beyond what he sees. Someone who would stump me when I need to be. Someone who would challenge me to want to be better. Is that too much to ask?

You made us proud Pacquiao!

I decided to go to an anticipated mass with my aunt on Saturday with intentions to either stay in on Sunday or watch a movie. Saturday night was the Pacquiao-Morales fight and I knew that there was going to be a viewing party at my uncle's house. I knew for sure my aunt isn't into boxing so I didn't think we would go. But I told her about it and surprisingly she said that we would proceed there after mass. The church was almost empty. There were only a few people who went to mass that night. I figured since a lot of the parishioners are Filipinos, they didn't go to mass that Saturday night and will just go on Sunday.

We got to my uncle's house and there were already so many people. I come from a large family so that wasn't much of a shock to me. It was already the end of round 3 when we got there. Everyone's eyes were fixated to the tv so we helped ourselves to some dinner. Why I even thought I would be able to eat while the fight was going on is beyond me. I feared I was going to get indigestion because I would take a bite and then position myself infront of the tv as well. My hunger evaporated with all the excitement. The first few rounds were nerve-wracking. Morales were getting the points and it seemed that all his punches were connecting. But we had to have faith in Pacquiao and he sure didn't disappoint. The next rounds were just great! I am not a big fan of boxing but Pacquiao is one good reason to enjoy it and be proud of being Filipino. By round 8 or 9, it was evident that Morales was getting tired while Pacquiao was just pumped up. My uncle and I were discussing that he wouldn't even back away when he would get hit by Morales. He was taking it all in. Amazing! Then that round 10 is still a blur until now. The first time Morales fell to the canvas, the whole house erupted in cheer. Sure it was shortlived since he was able to bring himself up but by the 2nd fall, everyone just went crazy. Everyone was jumping for joy, shouting, and high-fives all around. We could only imagine how it was like in the other Filipino homes and in the Philippines. For that brief moment, all Filipinos were one. It was heartwarming to see Pacquiao thanking his fellow Filipinos and said that he was doing this for his country. He mentioned something that stuck with me, about his win he said that it means "great power but it also comes with great responsibility." Imagine if all our politicians had the same line of thinking.

Even the best laid out plans can still change. Earlier I was planning of staying in on Sunday but my cousins and I decided to get some Japanese food since we have been craving for it too. They teased me that it would be my treat. I do not mind paying as long as its for food and besides its not as if the entire clan is coming. It would only be a few of us like 10 so it wouldn't be so bad. Kuya Gerry wanted for a long time to eat at Kabuki Japanese Restaurant and its been awhile since I last ate there. So, I forego my plans of doing nothing to spending time with my cousins. Not a tough choice to make. Since I already went to church I just waited for them to pick me up after they have gone to mass. Being that it was a weekend, Kabuki is not taking reservations. But I figured my cousins were going to the 12:15 PM mass, it would already be around 2:30 PM by the time we get to have lunch meaning the restaurant wont be busy anymore. But by that time it also meant that all of us are going to be so hungry. Hindi lang mag-asawang gutom kundi me anak na! True enough it was easy getting a table and not long were feasting on tuna sashimi, sushi, gyoza, crab salad, fried tofu, ginger shrimp on crispy rice, sukiyaki, shrimp tempura and chicken teriyaki. All that for 6 adults and 2 kids ages 7 and 13 months. To say that we were full was an understatement. We knew we had to walk around the area where the restaurant in Cerritos was. Good thing there was Goldilocks and Target to go to.

After all that food, one would think that would be it for us for the day. Nope, we still had other plans. The whole point why we felt the need to walk around was not only because we were full but also so we could have some space in our stomachs for dessert. Despite the cold weather, ice cream was our choice for dessert. We headed to Coldstone Creamery for some ice cream. We didn't get one big ice cream to share with everyone but we actually ordered one for each one of us. Either we are one crazy bunch or suckers for some torture because it was a windy and cold night. It was a happy and fun night though.