Happy Anniversary!

Today is my parent's 31st weddinganniversary. Quite a feat, if you ask me. I don't know how else I am going to pay homage to my parents for everything that they have done for me and my siblings. I think no matter how much I try to put into words all the appreciation, it would never be enough. Three years ago, I decided to put into a really long letter pretty much everything that I want to tell my parents. I am going to post some of it to give anyone willing to know a glimpse on what kind of parents my siblings and I have been blessed with. Its quite personal but since my paternal lola has pretty much shared it with anyone, I might as well do the same. I am sure the past 31 years have not all been rosy and good times but my parents affection for each other has not wavered through the years. I think it has been strengthened now since its just the two of them most of the time at home. Papa's work entails him to go on business trips. He doesn't particularly enjoy them but it is necessary. So even if its going to be an additional expense, he brings Mama along because not only would Mama be able to travel but also because Papa would be able to sleep. We thought that Papa was just acting but he really is not able to sleep when he is by himself. We are a not a very vocal family or a touchy feely one but we show our respect and appreciation through our actions, love and care. All four children may be adults now but I know that in our parents eyes, we will always be their babies and its not going to change no matter how old we get.

June 10, 2003

I hope that we have never given you big headaches, big problems or big heartaches. If we did, I am sorry, it was never intentional. I don't think we would do anything to intentionally hurt either of you. It is the last thing that we would want to do after all the sacrifices that you have done for us. We may have not thanked you enough for everything but we do appreciate and are grateful for everything that you have gifted us with. More than the material things, you have given us something important and that is to believe in ourselves. You have supported us through everything that we have set our hearts and minds into and that makes all the difference in the world. On top of it all you have made sure that we did things as a family. Be it just having a dinner in our backyard, playing a meaningless but fungame of Word Factory, those lazy Sunday afternoons of nothing, sitting in our porch, staring at the stars, those good natured teasing or going around downtown on a whim especially the morning after a typhoon, we found ways to enjoy each other's company with fewer trappings but more on laughter and just plain good times. I look back at those when I feel homesick and my spirits are lifted right away. I am grateful that I have those moments to think about because it makes me sane living in this crazy world. I know that my being away from home was hard to accept but you nevertheless relented because it was what I have decided to do. That support makes all the difference because I know that whatever I decide to do I have your back and you have mine. You never fail to tell me and make me feel that I can always go home when the time comes that I decide to. I am truly grateful for that.

I thank you for your no-TV rule on weekdays because it fostered a great relationship among the four of us; the single telephone line growing up because it allowed us to be considerate of other people, well at times anyway, hehehhe!; the one televisionset in the house because it has allowed us to share the remotecontrol with everyone and come up with a compromise on what to watch; most of all is that you allowed us to make decisions even on the most trivial things because it taught us to take responsibilities for our actions and to know the consequences of our actions. You also never failed to reprimand us when we have gotten out of line. We didn't fully understand the rationale of it all then but looking back at it, we now understand. You just wanted us to walk in the right path.

I think more than being great parents, the important thing is that you are great people in your own ways and not once have one of you tried to be better than the other. Yours is a relationship that is balanced, there is no one wanting more power than the other. Parenting indeed is a shared responsibility and never was it ever clear when we would ask permission and we were bounced from one parent to another on who will give the final say. It was funny then and its still is. The way that you are with each other influenced our own choices more than you would ever know. It's not us being picky for no reasons but all the people who came into our lives and who will come into our lives have big shoes to fill and we have always been taught not to expect anything less. I saw how you have treated each other, with respect, understanding and love. I want the same thing for myself and for my siblings that's why I guess it's going to take awhile for us to find those individuals who will treat us the same way that you treat each other. We will be patient because we will not want anything other than what we have grown accustomed to and grown up looking up to.

We may have grown up more sheltered than others, that, we are aware of but never defined who and what we are. What define us are the love that you have never failed to shower us with, the support and love that you relentlessly and unconditionally give and the kind of example that you have shown us. We are your children, yes but you treated us with respect. You treated us as individuals and allowed us to be one. You treat us as adults when we act like one and treat us as kids when we are acting like one. I know it's hard to let go of your children when the right time comes but you did anyway because you know that it's for our own good too. The important thing is that you don't totally let go and you make us feel that we can always jerk that string and you will pull us through. We are indeed better than anyone not because of our status in life but because you have taught us to magnify and appreciate the good things in people and overlook the bad things. That defines a good person and that is what we aspire to be.

I once heard from someone that "the best gifts parents can give their children are roots and wings." You have given us both and continue to give us both. My family has always kept me grounded, kept me real having to live in this changing, superficial world. You have given us roots strong enough to weather the storms that have come our way and will continue to come our way. More than giving us wings for us to fly, you flew with us until it was time for us to soar the vast, blue sky on our own, securing us a nest where we can go to after flying around this big, blue world called LIFE.

We may not say it often enough but we thank you from the bottom of our hearts. We appreciate everything that you have done for us. You have done more than you think you did and that will be our edge when we take our proper place under the sun. Thank you for giving us roots, for allowing us to earn our wings, for allowing us to dream our own dream, for letting us walk our footsteps and not follow yours, for holding our hand as we cross each road and street, for all the hugs when we hurt, for the care when we scraped our knees (yes, Mama even that, even if it was borderline barbaric at times, at least we have no visible scars!), for the scolding and the explanation afterwards because it gave us a better perspective that we were not being reprimanded for no reason and that it was for our own good, for being our friends when you need to be one and most of all for the love and support that you have always given us and continue to give eventhough it wasn't returned at times. You prepared us to face the world, by leading as good examples and by gifting us with morals, values and principles that will be our source of strength in making wise and sensible decisions in life. Trust not the world but trust yourselves that you have taught us well enough to survive in this jungle.

I love you with all my heart and protect you with my life! Strip me with all the luxuries in life, I will still be happy because I have you with me and that's what counts the most in this life. Life is not easy, no one said it will be but we all have made it better for one another and that is what is important.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY PAPA & MAMA!

Queen Rania of Jordan

I don't know what it is about her that first caught my attention. But since the first time that I heard about Queen Rania of Jordan, I was in awe of her. I first came to know her I think when King Hussein died and Prince Abdullah, her husband was crowned and she became Queen of Jordan. I read about her and was in awe because not only is she pretty but she's educated and is pushing for women's rights in a country that the whole world may not think would be very accepting of women. I think in her own little way she is changing the whole structure that women are being perceived not only in her country but in the world as well. She also has this charisma that I think draws people in. I admire her a whole lot. She is not only a queen, she is a mother of 4 as well and she puts family above everything. I was so excited to learn that she would be a guest on today's Oprah show. I want to know more about her. I am just glad that I have a job that allows me to be able to watch the show while at work but I still set the timer on my recorder at home just in case. I love, love her name and if and when I do have a daughter I am going to name her Rania. There is just something in the way that name sounds when being said that I love. Maybe because its close to my name and its quite unique. I have gotten a lot of curious questions when people learn my name. My siblings and I have pretty unique names and its nice to tell people where our names came from and why our parents gave us these names. I would want my daughter to have the same experience.

Life's simple pleasures

I was tagged by Kaytee to list down 10 of life's simple pleasures. I thought that it would be relatively easy list to make but I thought wrong. I don't know why.

Instructions: Name ten of life's simple pleasures that you like the most, then pick ten people to do the same. Try to be original and creative and not to use things that someone else has already used.

1. Getting letters - snail mail, email, long, short - I take anything. Back in college I would have the biggest smile on my face when after a stressful day in school I would get home and find letters from my friends. Some even just live within Manila and yet we still wrote to each other. I have kept every single one of them. Its also fun to read them again now. I had a few unexpected letters from my parents as well where I would already be bawling with just merely reading the "Dear Raissa" part.

2. Out of the blue text messages, well of course they have to be good ones. I think text messaging is one of the world's best inventions LOL. If the Sorelli sisters in the show "Related" have what they call a "phone chain", my family and I have a "text chain" or a "text brigade". When my sister's purse was snatched on her way to the airport heading for home, in a matter of minutes all of us already knew. Nicco sent a textmessage to Mama who was at home who sent a message to Papa who sent it to my sister and I. I knew right away too when 2 of my dearest friends passed the Philippine Bar Exams. My dad and I even have a disagreement through text messaging. But lately, his texts have been trickles. After seeing his latest bill, he decided to slow it down a bit. That goes the same for me. Aside from family, those unexpected "hw r u?" and "wats up?" from friends are enough to make me smile.

3. Red Boba Milk Tea from Guppy Tea House in Cerritos. Its hard to get a table on weekends since a lot of people hang out there but those Red Boba Milk Tea are worth the hassle. If getting a table is really hard, we can always order it to go and enjoy it in the confines of home.

4. Rain...good book/good movie/good drama with a happy ending...warm blanket and my blanket since I was a kid.

5. A day of nothingness but not staying home doing nothing. No definite plans. No definite place to go. Just a leisure walk through life.

6. Packages in the mail - cds, dvds, magazines etc. I think its the whole anticipation for those to arrive is what does it for me. Especially if its my dose of KoreanDramas and other AsianDramas. I wait and wait for it and when I get home and see a box or a bulky envelope, I smile and sigh and forget that it was even a "bad" day.

7. Dates with myself. I find comfort in the hustle and bustle that is lunch hour. I actually enjoy going into a restaurant, hoping to get a table by the window, write or people watch as I wait for my order. Sure I enjoy the company of others as well but lunch dates with myself is bliss. I get to reflect and meditate.

8. Finding that ever elusive "perfect" fitting jeans, "perfect" little black dress, "perfect white tees" etc. Finding the item that I have long wanted to get is still available. I am not an impulsive shopper but if I can't erase an item from my mind and when I go back its still there then its for me. Shoes as well - flats, sandals, wedge, heels, flipflops, embellished, unique designs.

9. Randomly calling friends and them picking up or returning the call when I leave a message. In this busy world that we all live in, it is so easy to lose touch with people. My friends and I are all busy with things and there are times we don't speak to each other for long periods of time and on a day that I feel like calling them to catch up, they pick up and we talk like as if it hasn't been a long time.

10. Conversations with my parents and siblings.

Would like to know your "10"...

- Camille

- Isy

- Kat

- Kai

- Clare

- Jennie

- Jan

- Fla

- Je

- Gail

No cost therapy

You Should Be a Poet

You have a way with words... and a talent for drawing the pure emotions out of experiences. Your poetry has the potential to make people laugh and cry at the same time. You just need to write it!

What Sort of Artist Should You Be?

Writing is my therapy, my stress reliever as well and if I am able to evoke emotions in other people when my intention was just to feel better myself or let off some steam then I guess I made a difference. When it comes to writing, I am my worst critic. I made a mistake of asking my mom to send me the poems I wrote back in high school and I cringed. If I wasn't lactose intolerant already I would be by the amount of "cheese" that were in those poems. I guess I just had to chalk it up to my being young then. I just wrote on the basis of what I knew then and what I felt at that particular point in my life. I am also very conscious that it has to be grammatically correct, the spelling is right and it makes sense. That's why the 3 most important companions that I must have when I write are: dictionary, thesaurus and spelling dictionary.

I have also written in the most peculiar places. One time in the middle of the most crucial time writing my college thesis, I stopped working on it, took out a piece of paper and wrote a poem in less than 30 minutes. I guess I just had to rest my brain. Yup, I rest my brain by doing another thing that requires me to use it. I also once wrote a poem during a debut of my sister's friend; while looking after our bakeshop then; after reading a book about Soulmates on a 4 hour road trip and other really strange instances. I guess this is the reason why I have to have paper and a pen with me at all times because I don't know when inspiration would strike.

My sister asked me why I haven't compiled or published my short stories and poems, after all there are a lot of them. I guess, I just never felt confident enough about my writing for me to share with a lot of people. My family and friends and maybe a few strangers here and there are enough for now at least. I am actually not scared of rejection. I think its a good thing so I may improve. My parents have encouraged me but there just hasn't been a chance or I don't know if its really something that I want to do. Maybe because, a lot of my short stories and poems are very personal to me, an extension of who I am, of what I feel, of what I think. Its like imparting a part of myself to a lot of people, which I may not yet be prepared to do. Plus, I am not sure if I really want to do it on a long term basis. I write when I want to, when I need to, when I feel like it. I just feel that if the pressure is there to come up with something sensible at a given time, it will take away the fun part of it from me. I really write to keep my sanity and to express myself, now if it gives comfort, hope, joy to someone else then, that is just the bonus, the icing on an already decadent cake. But I am not closing any doors. Tomorrow is after all a new day.

Letting off steam

I would like to believe that I am one of those people who have a lot of patience. I do not get affected or pissed off easily. When I do it means that I have reached the very end of my rope and I need some time alone or need to do something to release all those pent up emotions. Writing has been one of my ways to let off steam and so far the one that has worked the best.

* Some of my relatives are acting dumb again which is annoying me to no end! Really they should be the adults here but no! They are such a baggage that I, along with my clear thinking relatives really shouldn't be carrying around but we are. Then again we can choose our friends but not our relatives. When would that time be?

* I think people, in any shape, size or form are bound, born even to be judgmental. We frown at what other people do that we may thing isn't appropriate. We question people's actions just because it wouldn't be the same thing we would do if in the same situation. We are quick to judge and yet taken aback when we are called about our own hypocrisy. We question other people's value system basing it on our own when we shouldn't because each person as his or her own value system that they live by. What may be wrong based on our value system isn't wrong when based on theirs. Our value systems are shaped by so many different things - family, religion, society, morals, education etc which are not all the same and objective so its a moot point to even be pissed if some people just don't look at the same thing like we do. I am guilty of this as well but I think studying Psychology and age as well has taught me to be less judgmental and more tolerant of other people just cause they are different and do not think the same way I do. We, after all are all individuals and unique in our own way. Shouldn't we just celebrate our individuality and not base what people do on our own definitions of right and wrong? Don't get me wrong. I am no angel nor saint. I also snap one in awhile after all I am still human.

* Fourteen years of studying Religion/Theology and all those years spent studying in Catholic schools has taught me that God created people in his own image and likeness. I was also taught that service to man, is a service to God as well. Whatever we do, how ever we treat a fellow human being goes back to a Supreme Being. Why then are there people who have so much faith in God and yet so little, almost non existent faith in people? Doesn't that defeat the whole purpose of how we were created in the first place?

Snapshots

I am once again in that stage that so many thoughts occupy my mind but I can't seem to find the time to put them into words and can be classified as a sensible entry. So in lieu of such, I invite you to take a look at my sister Camille's photoblog. Right now, she is a frustrated photographer, saving up for a really good camera with Papa's help which he offered after seeing her photographs. On top of that, being a student on the verge of graduating. =) Just a sneek peak, here are photos of hers, posted with permission of course.

Renovation

After the recent torrential rains that poured into our province and caused massive flooding yet again, my dad made a decision to raise our flooring which was just raised back in December. Ever since we moved there in the late 70's, I don't know how many times we have had to raise our floor. It has been raised so much that a few times more we would have to slouch so we wont hit our ceiling. So now, since we would have to raise our flooring once again, it means having to raise the roof as well.

When Papa mentioned to us his plan, we were all in agreement that it was the best thing. We were saddened because we love our house but in order for us to keep it for a long time we would have to make some changes and sacrifices now. It is going to cost a lot but I think its a small sacrifice to make for us to still be able to keep our house. I thought it was nothing major - raise the floor, raise the ceiling and add more flood control things. This was the picture that Papa made me see. He said nothing is going to change much. Our house will still look the same with certain additions. My brother will have his room again after his old one was made into my parents walk-in closet. Our (the girls) room will be bigger since our current room and the adjoining room will be made into one with our very own walk-in closet. Yay, something that I have always wanted. I gave Papa ideas of what my "ideal" closet looks like and he likes it too so he wants the same for their room. Aside from those basically it will be kept the same. After all they were still able to salvage at least 50% of the tiles, wood etc. The roof had to be replaced since it was still part of the original house which makes it 28 years old. The doors as well since water damage is very evident.

So I was surprised when Mama said that our house looked like a shell after the clearing. Okay what is that exactly? Then a friend mentioned to me that it seems something major is being done to our house. I still wasn't able to grasp it. That is until my sister posted pictures of our house or whatever is left of it.

(clockwise from top left: dining room, our room, the exterior)

I was shocked! This is not minor renovation. This is major! Its almost like we are building a new house but it will just look the same as what we have before. But I trust Papa's judgment. He told us that the result would be to our liking. Knowing my father, I know it will be. After all this is the same person who designed our dining set, bar, bar stools, gate, etc when he couldn't find any to his liking. Papa has really good taste when it comes to interior decoration and so does Mama. Plus, it helps that all of us pretty much are on the same page as to what we want the house to look like. I have confidence in him along with my uncles and cousins who are all engineers as well as to the architects that he has commissioned. Some of our relatives are wondering why Papa and Mama are making sure that we will like what the outcome would be since we are all grown-ups now and no telling who among us would go back home. But that's the thing, at least we know we still have a home to go back to when we want to. A home where we grew up in and have fond memories of. Though it may look new, at least we will be able to keep the memories and make new ones as well. Plus, did I mention that I am really happy about the walk-in closet in our room.

It is such a great feeling to be included in the decision making process of it all. We are in this as a family and that is great! Its a big sacrifice not only financially but also convenience wise. My parents are currently staying with an aunt who good thing lives only a few houses away so Mama is able to check the progress regularly. I have no doubt that our house will turn out nice and will still have the same "homey" vibe that people first notice and feel as soon as they step foot into it. I am actually excited about it. I just hope it will be done by our target date, May 2006.

Is this a sign?

You Are an Excellent Cook

You're a top cook, but you weren't born that way. It's taken a lot of practice, a lot of experimenting, and a lot of learning. It's likely that you have what it takes to be a top chef, should you have the desire...

Are You A Good Cook?

It's just the beginning

Nicco with his baby (??) sister

Last weekend was a proud one for our family. My only brother, Niccolo graduated from San Beda Law School. It was a culmination of four years of hardwork, sacrifices, blood, sweat and tears. I remember when my brother first told the family of his plan to enter law school, it was met with apprehension and doubt. We were not so sure how serious he was in pursuing this. This was coming from someone who was still sound asleep at 12 noon when he had a 1PM class in San Beda during his undergraduate studies. He was I guess confident because we lived just a few blocks away. Probably the harshest critic among all of us was our dad. Papa went to law school but work got in a way so he didn't finish it. He knew first hand what would entail if Nicco pursued this that was why Nicco really had to convince Papa that this is something that he would be sticking to. Papa made sure that it was not all just because of the title. Nicco had to really prove that he wanted to do this and follow it through. He took the entrance exams to law school, got accepted, graduated and now busy reviewing for the bar exams.

It must have been doubly hard for Nicco when he went into law school. He not only had to deal with his studies but at the same he had to prove something not only to himself but also to us his family. All of us are extremely proud of what he has accomplished so far but we are also probably the "reality" that he needs to make sure that things are kept in perspective. We push him to do his best and at the same time give him the biggest support that he needs. Papa may have been harsh at the start but his support was unwavering. His text messages and stories to me about the updates about Nicco speak volumes. It was only when he entered his 3rd year in law school that we were fully convinced that he was serious with this and from then on he has our utmost support.

I really believe that Nicco has what it takes to be a good lawyer. I think living with 3 sisters has prepared him in defending his case and making sure that he is heard. I admit, my sisters and I have been really harsh on him sometimes especially when it comes to life, clothes and his lovelife. I guess we manifest our love and concern that way. But the thing with Nicco is, not once did he take our ribbing seriously. To him it was just his sisters being well his sisters. If there is one thing that almost everyone, relatives and friends say about him is that he is nice. Even our high school teachers say that he is the nicest. Oh really!? But kidding aside I think he is nice but it doesn't mean that he is always like that. He has his moments too. Nicco is also probably the sweetest guy we know to a point that it can be nauseating to us his sisters. He is "malambing" to Papa, Mama, and to us as well. It is sometimes a funny sight because there is this big guy and he acts like a kid with Mama. I remember him complaining to me about this one time that he had gash on his face when he slipped on some rocks and Mama just told him "here is a tissue.". He actually wanted Mama to wipe the blood from his face. I laughed and told him that at least Mama gave him a tissue and didn't just tell him to get his own tissue. He may be nice. He may be sweet but I know he has what it takes to be a lawyer and be a good one.

The next six months are going to be tough as he reviews for the bar exams. But like when he was studying if there is one thing that he wouldn't have to worry about it's his family's support. He will have it 100% if not infinite. We would be there to cheer him on and to encourage him as he reviews. I am just glad that from the beginning he has surrounded himself with a group of friends who are also serious with this as he is. So that helps a lot too.

Congratulations dear brother! Good luck!

New version of you

Can you become

Can you become

A new version of you

New wallpaper

new shoe leather

a new way home

I don't remember

New version of you

I need a new version of me

This song is the theme from the tv show Felicity. As I was watched the teasers before this tv show premiered, I knew that this was one show I would be watching. I guess because at that time I closely identified with the character of Felicity. She was embarking on a journey of her life...college, while I was embarking on a journey of my own, well I still am. I was in that crossroad in my life to make a change, not clear whether it was for the better or not. All I knew was I needed to do something to find out what it is that I want out of life and what I want out of myself.

I cannot say that I was a loyal watcher. Maybe the first 2 seasons I was. I just watched the final 2 seasons sporadically but I can still follow the story. Felicity left the comforts of home to go to a school that was in the opposite side of the country. In part it was because of a boy but I think as time progressed it was starting to become apparent that she did it for herself as well. But the point is she took a risk and accepted whatever it was that was going to meet her along her journey. By the end of the series, Felicity was no longer the same freshman that first stepped into my tv screen. Thus, I think it was very appropriate that the theme song of the show would be "new version of you".

Like Felicity, I left the comforts of home to go to college in Manila. Being the eldest, it was tough. I was entering a world that was totally new to me. It would be a hit or miss of sorts. This was the reason why I made a conscious decision then that studies would be my top priority and every thing else was just going to be distractions. I never regretted that decision and I still feel that way. This way of thinking prompted my cousin to say that I was so serious about life. That I needed to loosen up. But at that time I did what I thought I had to do. I still take life seriously now but I think I have made adjustments as well to enjoy it while I still can because today is all we have. I cannot be hung up on the past since its behind me nor think about the future since I do not have an idea what it would be like. All I have is today and that is what I am going to focus on.

They say that the one constant thing in this world is change. But I think it is also the same thing that people are scared of. I know I am. I am scared of changing who I am, of forgetting who I am. Changing means shaking the equilibrium that I have built for myself all these years. I think when we have built a world that we are comfortable in, we would really want to keep it that way. Once we have built our very own bubble, we are scared to venture away from it. But then we are hindering ourselves from learning when we do that. But do we really change or like what the song said we just "need a new version of me"? When I turned a year older this year, I remembered this song. It has been awhile since I last saw an episode of Felicity or have heard of this song but for some reasons I thought of it, if not the day of my birthday, the days after it. I had visions of clearing away my closet for clothes that I thought I must not wear anymore, thought of changing my hair. Aside from the hair part, I haven't done it but it continues to plague my thoughts and I am thinking that maybe I should look deeply and find "a new version of me". Who or what is the "new version of me"? I am not sure yet but I am slowly discovering it. I do not mean total abandonment of the person that I have become. I am who I am today because of the people I have met, experiences - both good and bad that I have been through, trials, challenges, failures, triumphs, disappointments, happiness, sadness, heartaches that I have been through and will still be facing. But I think just do what I want to do without having to worry of what others will say or do something and worry about it later. What have I thought of so far?

• start writing again. May it be poetry, essay, short story, anything. I have equated not writing to not feeling and I don't want to be that way. Even if I am not in my best of moods, I still would want to write because at least I know that I still have feelings and not totally apathetic.
• rediscover cooking and baking, who knows enroll in culinary school finally. I have been sent a brochure and each time I see the ad on tv, my yearning grows. I don't plan to make a career out of it. Its just my passion.
• save up so I can live on my own and bring my sister along. Living with relatives has its good and bad points but at this point in my life I would want to stay away from the people that sometimes make me question who I am and what I am. I would like to be comfortable and happy rather than being sensitive and understanding of other people's feelings. Papa was right I have to start thinking of "me" first rather than other people.
• Travel by myself. Well, maybe go to place where I may know someone but discover the place on my own. I always do the "touristy" thing but I don't think I truly know the place. No specific place in mind yet.
• Learn photography. I have the perfect camera already in mind. Just need to buy it (still saving) and start learning.
• Start dressing my age. It seems shallow but I think the reason people don't believe how old I am is because of the way I dress.
• In one of my "crazy" days, I have thought of getting a tattoo LOL. A small one. A heart, a dolphin, a flower, anything small. I used to want it in my lower back but now I want it in the inside of my ankle. I think that is the ultimate rebellion for people who know me but then again this is not about rebellion but about a new version of me. So that is still questionable plus the fact that I am deathly scared of needles. That is one factor I have to consider. Maybe compromise and get a henna tattoo one instead. At least I got that out of the way.

We will see.

3-0

12:00AM 3/28/2006

Happy Birthday!!!

- Mama

How fitting is it that at the stroke of midnight the very first greeting I got was from the person I owe my life to - my Mama! Papa already sent me a text message a day early. He is functioning on Philippine time so when it was the 28th there he greeted me. His text made me tear up because he said that early that day Mama was just recalling that as if it was just yesterday that I was on a crib at the bakery and here I am now all grown up but sans a lovelife. Thanks Papa! But of course, he just had to add the one comment I should get used to this year..."lagas ka na!" (You're old!). Along with it are:

"wala ka na sa month ng February" (You cant be found in the month of February)

"malapit ka na mawala sa kalendaryo" (You will soon no longer be in the calendar)

"30 ka na?! (insert gasp) ang tanda mo na!" (You are 30?! You are old!)

Another first was my sister Jehann greeting me a few seconds after my mom did. It was a surprise since my sister is usually asleep by midnight. But she set her alarm so she can greet me before she goes back to bed. My other siblings: Nicco and Camille sent me text messages. I am really grateful for all the greetings - in Friendster, forums, emails, calls, text messages, instant messages just about any avenue there is. It is truly heartwarming.

Turning 30 is scary. Its daunting. I do not know what to expect or what is going to happen. I guess I got too comfortable living in my 20's that nothing could prepare me for this stage in my life. But a friend told me that there should be nothing to be scared of because I have a lot to be thankful for. He is right. I have the greatest parents, siblings, cousins and friends. I have lived a good life as well and that is enough to celebrate and to toast the years to come.

I guess I am one of the few that actually do not mind telling people my real age when asked. I am not insulted by such questions. Not that its a joyride either but I just see no sense denying or hiding it. I think I heard it on Oprah one time that "to deny one's age is to deny a part of who you are". I have no intentions of sorts so when people ask, I tell them. Usually they do not believe anyway which is a compliment I gladly accept. Just this morning someone actually thought I was 17. Oh if that sweet old lady only knows.

Today marks the start of a new year for me. I don't have expectations nor grandiose plans. I am just going to enjoy it as much as I can.

What's in the stars?

I am not really a big believer of horoscopes but its my birthday so I indulged myself.

Aries 3/28/2006

Relying on others doesn't come easily to you, but you need a third party's advice. Right now, this person has much more detachment on a tricky topic than you do. What they can tell you is invaluable.

It's time to relax and have some fun -- not alone, but not in a crowd of thousands, either. You want to have some fun, but you probably also want to spend your time with just one quality person. Someone you've been dying to spend your time with. So instead of dragging yourself out and pretending to have a good time if you're not really in the mood, snuggle up, kick back and enjoy a quiet evening -- a party of two.

You need to make sure you are surrounded by people for most of the day. You can absorb the energy they generate, and they will probably need some direction from you at the right time.

Your understanding of others and your willingness to jump right in makes you an ideal romantic advisor at the moment, so don't be surprised if everyone's consulting you about matters of the heart. Just advise carefully!

Dragon 3/28/2006

You'll have the possibility to reach a long-coveted objective. You'll also succeed in making yourself indispensable in your professional circle and your ideas will be taken as the authority. Some risks of disorders, especially as concerns your kidneys. Perturbations in your emotional life, but you can finally work out an understanding with your mate. Influential people may offer you their help to promote your affairs. A change may prove very favorable and based on a stable and serious union.

You'll devote much of your time and energy to the task of bringing to a successful conclusion the projects that you have your heart set on, but some unexpected obstacles will slow down their progress and put your patience to the rough test. Also, you'll often be set against yourself, for you will have too much ambition and will forgive yourself no weakness or shortcoming. Try to be less tense and you'll be promptly rewarded, as this year the stars will greatly favor patience and tenacity. Casual encounters may very well end up as profound friendships. These relationships will prove most interesting to you since, apart from their sentimental aspect, a common intellectual research will give your exchanges a non-conventional character that will delight you. Remember that 'friendship doubles joys and reduces sorrows by half' (Francis Bacon).

It's nearer than I want it to be

1 week

7 days

168 hours

10080 minutes

I still have mixed feelings about it. I don't know what to expect, what to think or what to do. Or maybe I am just thinking into this way too much than I should. I can spend this week dissecting what the past year has been or I can just look back and reflect on it with a smile even with all the ups and downs. I can look back and ponder on the "what ifs" and "could have beens" or just shrug, pick myself up, move on and look ahead.

Is this year going to be just like last year that it will pass by so swiftly that I wouldn't even notice it much. Or would it be different? I don't know if this year would be better or worse than last year but I hope it would be better and happier. So far it is starting to look promising and interesting.

Dinner with Chantal and others on Tuesday

Dinner with Isy and Kat on Wednesday

Party with relatives on Sunday

Reality in TV

(Disclaimer: Some parts of this entry may be a spoiler to some readers who follow these shows. Please read with caution.)

I think people will be surprised to know that I watch a lot of law-enforcement themed shows: C$I (V3gas, Mi@mi & N3w Y0rk); Law&Order: SVU, WithoutATrace, PrisonBreak and 24. I like how C$I and L&O are able to crack cases and the process that they go through and WAT finding the missing and how I feel like I was one of the characters who are searching for that missing person. I will admit that the first thing that drew me into PrisonBreak was its star: WentworthMiller then the story got really good and I have been watching it regularly. As for 24, I would only watch it sporadically but my uncle got me hooked so now I try to watch it regularly as well. It is fast paced and adrenaline-filled.

Other than for entertainment purposes, so far its been these last 2 shows (PB & 24) that has stirred the most emotion from me specifically disdain for the two characters in these shows: the Vice-President in PB and President Logan in 24. I guess the reason why I abhor them so much is because I know of people like these. I have had encounters with people like these and it is appalling. I usually refrain from discussing politics but I think watching these shows last night just made me so mad. I don't know if there could ever be a more stupid president than President Logan. Each episode I feel like eradicating him from this world. He is more concerned of how he will be perceived than taking care of his citizens. He has limited skills in decision making and relies so much on his aides who also don't know much. He would rather listen to his aides than to his wife who has been so far right in her observations eventhough her state of mind is in question. But she actually make sense when she isn't drunk or drugged. Sometimes I wonder how did this dimwit ever become president but then I stop and remember that I don't have to look very far because all I need to do is just look outside my window and such a character is prevalent in Philippine politics. Each election year, we have "clowns" roaming our streets appealing to us to give them a chance to serve us but only for them to be unreachable when the call to serve is already there. But then again who really is to blame why we have these "clowns" in office: Is it them who are testing if we will take their bait or is it us, voters who take the bait? So is the stupid that is President Logan a reflection of our politicians or a reflection of us, voters? I guess a little of both and maybe the reason why I am so enraged by this character is because he is a manifestation of the reality in Philippine politics that try as we might to fight against continue to persist.

If the character of President Logan irritates the heck out of me, the Vice President on PB makes me so mad. I feel like she is the one that needs to be put in the electric chair. If President Logan is stupid, the VP is just pure evil and she reminds me so much of someone I know. The VP is just way prettier than this other person. The way she manipulates, uses and takes advantage of her position is so dead-on and the sad part is it seems no one is able to stop her...yet. She will do just about anything just to cling on to that power that she holds so dear. This person I know even went to as far as pressuring people in government to close down a school because its owned by someone who might run against her and topple her. A school that is giving free education to deserving students. She is going to do that to ensure her re-election even if its at the expense of her constituents' education and dream of a better life not only for themselves but for their families as well. The VP doesn't appear regularly but when she does, she just spews pure venom that I always feel like sticking my hand into my tv, holding her by the neck and shaking the life out of her.

I am not a violent person but when it comes to characters like these I cannot help it. I guess because I am not able to do it to the person and the characters on tv shows are much more accessible and without repercussions. The beauty though of watching these characters on tv is I can always change the channel but sadly such isn't the case in real life. We all have to deal with it whether we like it or not. But then again, we can always choose not to deal with it at all when we don't allow it from the very beginning. Then again that is easier said than done.

Bonding time

For the past two Saturdays my relatives and I have been having some drinking sessions and our choice of drink was this. I actually do not want to refer to it as drinking sessions. When I think of it, what comes to mind is a group of people drinking and the talking part is just secondary. Usually when everyone are pretty much drunk. Ours was more of good conversations and we just happen to have some beers on hand. I am not a beer drinker but when I tried San Mig Light I liked it. It was smooth and didn't have that bitter after taste which turned me off beer before. Even when it wasn't ice cold it was still good. I know that this is not something new to my sister and brother in the Philippines but its quite new here. Its only been lately that this was available.

It was pretty fun but I admit kind of odd to be drinking with a male cousin who is 8 years older and 2 uncles, who were really not that old. Both are 40 years old and not at all far from our ages but still they are my uncles. They knew that I drink but never WITH them. Add to that we were having shots of this all around too. So it was a bit strange at first. If that wasn't weird enough, my 2 aunts and Lola were also there but they didn't drink it was just a cousin, my sister and myself.

Topics varied from the funny to serious to teasing. Being that it was only the 3 of us girls who are single, we got a lot of ribbing but it was all in good fun. We discussed family issues, relationships, and life in general. Its nice to have that relationship with my male relatives. We are able to get a good perspective into the male specie and we also got to ask age old questions about them. Not that we really got good answers but still. One funny moment was when my uncle told me specifically that "men are like diesel fuel. They need time to warm up!" To which I said "so you are admitting that you guys are slow!" This got laughs from everyone and a "batok" from my cousin. I admit I can be sarcastic and add alcohol to that, well...

Conversations like these are not at all new to me. I used to have the same conversations with my guy friends and guy cousins but never with uncles. It has been awhile since I felt I have had great conversations with people. Most of my cousins who I am always with are just in their teens. They have a far different concern that I do. So what happened this Saturday was nice. It was the first time we did it when it was just a small group of us and it was out of the blue. We just decided to get together, get some drinks and we were not expecting that it was going to turn out the way it did. It was daunting at first to open up in front of my uncles. I can do that with my brother, my cousins and my friends well because they are closer to my age and I consider them my peers. Uncles just put them in a totally different level. After all they are my mom's youngest brother and brother-in-law. I guess I was anxious to get to know them deeper because I feared it might cloud this whole perception that I have in mind of them and vice versa. I didn't want their perception of me to be clouded. But boy was I wrong. I think it was a great opportunity to get to know one another well. Now, we cannot wait for the next one.

Happy 90th Lolo!

My maternal Lolo would have turned 90 today if he was still alive. He was 85 when he died. Had Lolo not uproot his family from San Pablo Laguna to Tacloban City, I don't think my parents would have ever met. So I thank him for that. When we remember him it is always attached to food. See, my Lolo was the cook in the family. He was usually up by 5 AM tinkering in his kitchen. Granted its not the best sound to wake up to with all those banging of pots and pans but anticipation boils to the surprise on what dishes he would prepare for that day. My cousins talk of how they would tell him during breakfast they want leche flan for dessert and come lunch time, there is already leche flan ready. He has spoiled us too because after having a taste of his leche flan, everything else does not even compare. I didn't like eating ampalaya (bittermelon) but I changed my mind when I tasted Lolo's ampalaya dish. For some reasons, he did something to take away the bitterness. Now, unless its cooked by a member of the family, I eat any ampalaya dish with caution. Good thing he passed on all his recipes to all his children. Even when he was sick and couldn't cook anymore, he still managed to be involved. Lola was cooking something and he was just sitting in his lounge chair and out of the blue, he would say "kulang ng paminta!". It left us all baffled as to how he even knew about it because he was right, it did lack pepper. He had the most sarcastic sense of humor of anyone I know and said it with a straight face which could make all of us laugh to no end. His many "hirits" would just make us laugh and shake our heads.

Lolo and Lola married young and they were married for 65 years. Looking at them, it doesn't seem like they have been married that long because they were most of the time enveloped in "newlywed bliss". I remember coming home from school when they were visiting us and I saw them sitting by the bench by our porch watching as people went by. Mama told me that they have been there since lunch time and it was already almost 6 when I went home. They would just sit there and talk for endless hours. He also liked to share stories of his growing up years with us. He wanted to become a pilot but due to financial constraints and family obligations he wasn't able to pursue it. But he didn't seen bitter when he would tell us that story. He would just shrug as if it was one of those. Not that he didn't want us to pursue our dreams but he was just merely telling us that there may be other things destined for us. He didn't languish in the "what could have beens", he just dealt with life as it came along. Being the father of 15 children wasn't easy but Lolo tried the best that he could. He made sure that all his children had an education that they could be proud of. He allowed them to pursue their dreams and yet still instilling in them that they have their individual family obligations that they have to attend to. All children took turns looking after the bakery - the family's primary source of income. When Mama took over the management, she instilled in us the very same thing.

I spent a good amount of my growing up years with them around. Up until I was 1, we lived with them at the bakery. When we moved into our own house, we would still spend our time there. Lolo would turn to me to ask for numbers when he would bet on jai alai. I would write the number in a piece of paper and hand it over to him. If he was asleep, I would roll the paper and slip it in between his toes. Lolo spoiled his grandchildren but not to the point of tolerating bad behavior. I don't think he has ever overstepped in his boundary as a grandparent. He doted on us but not once came in between when our parents felt the need to discipline us.

His last few months were tough. He was in and out of the hospitals but he would manage to pull through. Lolo had incredible strength. He didn't allow his age to be a deterrent. He and Lola would still travel from US to Philippines on their own until he got sick. We thought that in February of 2001 we would be saying goodbye but he gave a fight and gave us enough time to prepare ourselves and left in September of that year. Today, as we celebrate another year, we are really celebrating life. We are celebrating the life that he lived when he was still with us and we are celebrating the life that he left in each and every one of us. This is why we remember him with a smile and laugh rather than with tears.

Happy Birthday Lolo Desto!

DWU Re-opens

My alma mater Divine Word University closed down 10 years ago due to a labor dispute with the labor union. My siblings and I went to school there from kindergarten but it was only my sister Jehann and I who were able to finish our high school education there. My brother Nicco and sister Camille had to transfer to another school to finish their high school education. Papa along with a few of Mama's siblings graduated from this school as well. It was really sad that it had to close down but now good news after ten long years it is slated to re-open. But sadly, it cannot anymore keep the name Divine Word University because according to the Securities and Exchange Commission, the school closed down 10 years ago and hence lost its university status. So now, its new name will be Liceo del Verbo Divino. This is amazing news for everyone who has walked the halls of this school.

Leyte Samar Daily Express

Silver Lining

Papa always told us to be thankful that we grew up in the countryside. He told me that one time a few years back and it has stuck with me. Well, Tacloban really isn't a countryside but its a not a big cosmopolitan either and I like it that way. All four of us along with a lot of our friends ventured away to Manila or Cebu for college but we all still went home - sem breaks, Christmas breaks and best of all summer. Some have even returned and stayed. Just my siblings and me alone, the moment we find out when the last day of classes would be, its a sure thing that we are already calling the ticketing office to book our flights going home and we don't return to Manila until a day or two before classes start. We are packed a week before our departure for Tacloban but we don't pack until an hour before our return flight. Sometimes, Mama had to pack our stuff because we come up with a barrage of excuses just not to do it.

The past few days, much focus has been given on Leyte. It was even on breaking news in all the major television networks all over the world. Sadly, it is because of the tragedy that happened in Southern Leyte much like the Ormoc tragedy back in 1991. Its sad that we only gain focus when something bad happens to our tiny province. Without those I don't think people would even have a clue where to find it in the map of the Philippines. I experienced this first hand when my classmates do not even have an idea where Leyte was to think that the high school curriculum included Philippine Geography. I have had my share of "saan yun?" when they would ask me where I came from like I came from another planet. It was irritating and annoying but I figured after awhile that it was a pitiful sight. How sad that they do not know about it. So instead of being pissed off, I decided to take it upon myself to educate them about Leyte with whatever I know.

Time moves in a slower pace there. There are no major malls or hot clubs but if one seeks some tranquility, one can find it there. The beaches are a short drive or walk away. They are no Boracay or Amanpulo or other beaches in the Philippines that gets featured in travel magazines. The beauty of our beaches is the fact that it doesn't need major planning nor lots of money to get there. My friends and I have had "spur of the moment" trips to the beach with just enough money to cover the jeepney fare and food. Those were fun times.

Tacloban City is small but one can find basic necessities and more. A lot of people I found out had this vision that we were far behind as far as technology goes and it surprised them that this wasn't the case. I read somewhere that Tacloban was one of the very first cities to have internet cafes. Almost all household had cable when not a lot of people in other parts of the country had them. Almost all households had telephone lines when maybe in other parts of the country were still clamoring to get one. Yes, we have an airport and there are regular flights to Manila daily. Sea and land are also alternative means of getting there. There are hotels and restaurants and bars. Abundant and wide array of the freshest seafoods. There is even one place in Tacloban where we always went to, its call "Baybayon" (seashore). We go there for breakfast, watch as the fishermen bring their harvest to the shore, we pick whatever seafood we want, have someone prepare it the way we want it and then we walk along the seashore and bask in the sea breeze and early morning sunshine while waiting for our food to cook.

I haven't been home in seven years but I get regular updates on what is going on in my province. I know enough to be amazed at how much progress there has been. Maybe I am just idealistic but I knew that there is potential for it to grow and improve. I guess for Eastern Visayas (Leyte & Samar) to be judged as "Best Destination" during one of the Travel Fairs was no fluke. It just needs more exposure of the good kind. We have the Pintados Festival every June 29. I bet not a lot of people know that the national dance of the Philippines, Tinikling originated from Leyte. I didn't know either until I was watching one of my cousins PCN (Philippine Cultural Night) performances and I read it on the program.

I bet there are far more good things about Leyte that I myself do not know yet but hope to discover. Papa's years in politics allowed him to explore places in Leyte that we didn't even know about. He would come home with stories and it always fascinated us. My sister and I plan to travel the province and make a travelogue in the near future. The tragedies of recent may have directed people's attention to my province but I hope it stays past when a sense of normalcy has been restored, people have rebuilt and the province is back on its feet again. Maybe there is a silver lining behind all these tragedies other than realizing that we have to take care of our environment and natural resources. I hope that people will discover that Leyte is way bigger than the tragedies that has become part of our history. If its asking too much from the rest of the world, I guess its not too much to ask from my fellow Leyteños. Aton Ini! (It's ours!)

Wag naman sana

Just as everyone else is recovering from the flu, I think I am about to get it when flu season should already be over. I have been sneezing incessantly for the past few days. I thought it was just my allergies acting up after all I walked by someone mowing their lawn two days in a row but it lasted more than that. Then, yesterday my sneezing got worse and is now partnered with an intense sore throat. I couldn't sleep last night and this morning I woke up with pain all over my body. I hope its just due to not sleeping in a good position and not the flu.

I do not like being sick. Worse, I do not like being sick without my mom around. Call me a baby but I think no matter how independent and grown-up we become, we unleash our inner "baby" when we get sick. We want our moms to be there for us. It sucks getting sick when you are by yourself. This has happened to me once and I am not one who goes through self-pity but that particular time I genuinely felt sorry for myself. Despite the soreness, the fever, I had to get up to prepare my food and to give my medicine to me. It didn't help that I got sick towards the end of December almost into the new year. My whole body just shut down that I had no choice but to stay in bed. I sent my parents a text message of my situation and no more than five minutes later, the phone rang and it was my brother on an overseas call. My parents were worried about me that they cried when they found out I was sick. I felt bad telling them but it sure helped hearing their voices for me to get well. Sure, I would have wished for a bowl of Mana Mila's soup or my mom telling me to take my medicines on time but that call somehow eased all the pain that I felt.

My parents don't know yet that I am not feeling well and I don't intend for them to find out. I am not really THAT sick yet and I do not want them to worry. They don't need it right now when our house is being renovated. They have to take advantage that it has stopped raining to start clearing our house. Its not going to be some major thing that they would have to tear our house down. Just some adjustments need to be made so as to avoid being flooded again. My dad's best friend since high school who also happens to be a civil engineer is overseeing the clearing so that they will still be able to salvage some materials and use them in the new house. My siblings and I are really saddened that our house has to be renovated but its not like its going to be changed dramatically. Just a little lift so that flood waters wont be able to seep in anymore.

Its Ash Wednesday and I have decided to give up eating rice for the entire season of Lent. That is a shocker. But can I excuse myself today since I am not feeling well? But that would be the same as cheating. *sigh* I don't know if I will be able to fulfill this but I am just glad that I am not alone in this. Most of my family members have decided to give up eating rice as well so at least I have some company. We can all encourage each other and at the same time scold each other if and when we fall off the wagon. My rice consumption really has no direct correlation with my colds in the cure of it but drinking loads of liquids has. So I cant use my being sick as an excuse to eat rice. Oh well!

I hope this cold and sore throat go away as soon as possible and not escalate into a flu. I should really just take a rest but staying at home wont do that to me. The weather isn't helping either. One day we have warm weather, the next minute its a sudden downpour. I hope summer comes already. For the mean time, I have to fend off this nasty cold and sore throat with an overdose of juices and water. And I hope to be well enough before I talk to my parents so they wont have to worry anymore. Tinolang isda sounds really good right now but I would have to eat rice with it. Hmm, di bale na!

The countdown begins...

Today marks the start of the countdown to my reaching the big 3-0! I am not sure yet what to feel about it. One day I am dreading it, the next day I am fine with it. After all what is age, its just a number anyway. Plus, I think I already have enough external pressures to deal with in this lifetime to put the very same thing on myself. But still it doesn't take away that feeling of self-doubt if I have done something significant in my life. Much as I brush it aside, it somehow finds its way to creep into my consciousness.

A few days ago, my cousin asked me what my plan was. I was dumbstruck. I didn't know what to say. A question from a 19 year old left me speechless. Then as I was able to absorb her questions, I asked myself the same question. What is my plan or do I even have one? I am not one of those people who set timelines on one's self. I felt that all my life I have done just that - move in the time set by other people. By 7, you are in school. By 12 you are done with grade school. By 16, you are out of high school and by 21 you should be done with college. Even the classes I have to take in college followed some flowchart. After college, find a job and after that start a family, have children etc.

Don't get me wrong, I am not one who just walks through life with no clear destination. I do, but its not as specific and as detailed as some people. My plans are not set in stone nor in time. I figured I don't need that additional stress and pressure anymore. Living trough life day by day is already enough. Plus, I prefer to enjoy my journey rather than just be focused on reaching my destination. Besides, there is no such thing as an iron-clad plan. We may have set certain timelines upon our life but life can be cruel and mischievous sometimes. Even the most planned life will hit a snag along the way and when that happens, it puts us into this roller-coaster ride that we don't know how to get out of. This is what happened to Abby in the movie "Don't Give Up On Us". She had her whole life planned out with set times and yet life had other plans for her. She is made to question if the life that she has set for herself is really what is destined to be hers or something else.

This is the kind of situation that I am avoiding. I prefer to not have set expectations and set timelines because it means not having pressure and not having disappointments and frustrations when it doesn't turn out the way I have planned it. But, my cousin's question made me think if I am doing the right thing, of just walking through it. And this message on a billboard I saw over the weekend added to it. The message said: "A goal is a dream with a deadline!" I turned to myself and wondered where am I with regard to my goals?

Actually, my cousin's question was more about relationships than career wise. I am constantly besieged by questions of when I am getting married. Among cousins, there are four of us born in the same year. I am the only girl and come September I am going to be the only unattached one. Oh well! If I had a dollar for every time I am asked that question, I could be a millionaire by now. I have learned a way to answer those questions...Not to answer it at all. I mean, if I knew the answer I would tell them but at this point in time, I don't. Sure, it would be nice to have that someone but I am not going to lose any sleep over it, nor stress over it. Am I worried? Not really. I have always maintained the thought that if its for me then its for me. Funny but the other side of the billboard said: "Instead of looking for the right person, be the right person!" And that is what I am going to do but I wonder... how will you know if you are the right person if you do not have that person to tell you and make you feel that you are?

If these kinds of questioning marked the official start of my countdown, I think I am in for a crazy, unpredictable journey into my 30's. I don't know if I am ready for it or if I am well equipped to weather through it but there is something about life that doesn't change in time, we just have to continue living it, plans or no plans, with and without timelines.

Baha na naman

First off I want to offer my prayers to those who died and those still missing in the landslide that happened in Southern Leyte. Isy sent me a text message to inform me that it was in the news that there was a landslide in Leyte. She didn't know exactly where and the news didn't mention it. I sent my dad a text message to ask but he wasn't privy to that information either. I thought it was the same one that I read from the Tacloban website. But I was wrong. This was a separate incident. It was breaking news in all the news programs but it just mentioned Leyte island but no specifics. Its tough because as a Leyteño I want to know what is going on but the news were just as vague as the mud that came down. Leyte is a large province and comprised of Leyte (Northern Leyte) and Southern Leyte. I can only speculate where it could have possibly happened but nothing definite until I came to the office and read the Philippine dailies online.

Living in the Eastern side of the Philippines, typhoons, continuous heavy rainfall and flooding are part of our daily lives. When one of my parents inform me that "baha na naman sa bahay" I don't know how to react anymore. Its such a regular occurrence that we just shrug and take it in stride. Not my parents though and for good reasons. From the time we moved into our house some 28 years ago I don't know how many times we have had to renovate our house. It was not so bad before but due to rapid development around us, a common case in any suburbia, it has gotten worse over the years. I have had my share of walking through flood to get to my aunt's house which is at the higher part in our street. Our house sits in what used to be a swamp but nothing that engineering couldn't deal with. But the fact is we are lower than the highway so when it rains, water goes down and accumulates in our side and with not much place to go since development occurred behind us, it stays infront of our house. There have been instances too that water came inside our house and we have had to stay at my aunt's house.

My dad along with my cousins have thought of ways of dealing with it. I don't know how many times we have had to raise our floor. A flood control drainage was built but it doesn't lessen our anxiety as soon as it starts raining again. My mother's blood pressure goes up and my dad who hasn't even recovered from the previous flooding has to deal with it again. Just last December just before Christmas, incessant rain once again came. Mama and Mana Mila had to scramble to make sure that the house will be ready when my siblings came home from Manila and my aunt and uncles arrive from the US. Then, just last week, it happened again. Four days of rain was just a bit too much. Good thing, Mama was in Manila at that time and was told to stay there until it was okay for her to come home. Her blood pressure might just shoot up again when she sees the house. Papa had to stay at a hotel for the time being.

Yet, despite the constant problems that we have to deal with, we cannot just pack up and leave. This is our home regardless. This is where all four of us siblings grew up. Each and every nook and corner of it holds a memory or two. Mama out of frustration told my sister that she just wants to sell our house and rent somewhere since its just her and Papa anyway. I didn't want to hear any of it. I mean, my parents spent all of their lives making sure we have a roof above our heads only for them not to be able to enjoy it now. My parents sacrificed a great deal for us to have that house and as long as there is still a way, that house is going to stay with us. The flooding may be troublesome but thinking of all the good memories we have had in that house somehow ease all the trouble. Despite of everything, I love our house and I am sure my siblings share that feeling. I once joked to Mama that I know that my brother, being the only boy would get the house. Of course, she denied that, told me it belongs to all four of us. I am not naive to how our society works so I know that there is a possibility that it will go to my brother but I added that if he doesn't take good care of it, I am going to take it back. Knowing my brother, I am definite that he will make sure that it will belong to all of us and if it does go to him, he will take good care of it.

This is the only house my siblings and I know. We have seen it grow as we did. A lot of people have said that once they step into our house they sense a "welcoming feeling" and that is such a nice thing to hear. We all have had our share of parties and sleepovers here. Our friends love to hang out at our house and our parents like having them too. But more than that, we as a family have made really amazing memories in this house that we have come to treasure for as long as we live. We have meals and family meetings in the same dining set that Papa designed. We have all sat at our porch and enjoyed talking and teasing each other all night or just staring at the night sky. We have all sat infront of the tv watching one show. All four siblings have had to jump over our fence when we would come home without our house keys. No matter how old and grown-up we have become, we still sleep in the floor of our parents room, all squished but happy. I do not know of a corner in our house that we don't have a story to tell. For an outsider looking in, it may just be a house but to us, it is our home and "baha" or "no baha" it is going to remain that way.

What if there is a "perfect man"?

When Jennie tagged me, it made me think back to that time in high school when my girl friends and I with nothing to do came up with what we thought and felt would be the "perfect man". The characteristics of a man that we were throwing were not from actors but from people we knew so well...Our very own guy friends and the guys in our class. Too bad not one of us wrote it down. It would have been a fun thing to read now after so many years. We could have discovered if our perception of the "perfect man" has changed or not over the years.

There was an episode of Friends wherein Ross made a list of what Rachel was. Some time ago, I too had a list almost similar to this. In it, I wrote what to me was "attractive, not attractive, negotiable and bonus points" in a guy. Yup, I can be a bit neurotic sometimes or maybe I was just bored that day. I can't seem to find that list now. It is probably in between one of my books somewhere. I actually do not mind that I can't find it or that I don't even remember what I wrote in there because I realized over the years that it is unfair of me to base a guy on whether he fits my list or not. I am boxing them in a position that they are totally unaware of. When I meet that guy that I will click with, he will just seem to fit the list somehow. The list would just be inconsequential. Plus, I think there is no such thing as a perfect person as Clare said "it's the imperfections that often make people more interesting". I believe that. The imperfections are actually what makes them perfect if it makes any sense.

However, for the purpose of this "meme", here are 8 different points of my "perfect" partner.

The rules are:

1. The tagged victim has to come up with 8 different points of his/her perfect partner. (I decided not to tag anyone. Whoever is interested in doing this can do so.)

2. Need to mention the sex/gender of the target.

3. If tagged a 2nd time, there's no need to post again.

The sex of the target: Male

1. He has to be respectful. Of himself, of me, of the things and people that are important to the two of us. No two people are alike. We all have our differences and I think that's what make us unique people, what makes us individuals. We just have to accept and respect our respective differences. My parents are so different in so many ways. They have looked at the same thing with different eyes and yet they both accept that and respect each other. Just cause the other person doesn't see it our way, it doesn't make it invalid. Just respect and accept it and never undermine it. Respect my individuality don't be threatened by it. Respect me not because I am a woman but because I am a person, a human being much like you are, an equal. I believe that a relationship is a partnership not a corporation.

2. He must be able to carry a good conversation. Both sides of my family CAN talk and its very important that he is not going to get lost in the mix. We can even talk about the most mundane things. A lot of really great conversations start from those. I want someone with whom I can talk about anything and everything under the sun. We can even talk about the same things and yet still seems like its the first time we ever talked about it. Someone who I wouldn't mind being trapped in an island with because I know I wouldn't die of boredom. Someone that I can talk for hours with and does not seem like we have.

3. He must be secured. Secured in his own self that nothing fazes him. Comfortable in his own skin. Secured in his masculinity that showing emotions is not a sign of weakness but of strength and humanity. I think that possessiveness and jealousy stem from insecurity. When he is secured, he knows who he is, what he is, does not really care what other people say and yet still able to get along with others. The type na puwedeng mong iwan in a party or with a group of people and he would know what to do.

4. He must have a good sense of humor. Be sarcastic even as long as it's not cruel or rude. He must know how to laugh at himself. Someone "pikon" wont work with me nor with my family. Both sides of my family have the craziest sense of humor and he should be able to deal with that. Yung marunong sumakay. He must also know how to have fun and find bliss even if we are doing nothing.

5. One who is passionate of his beliefs, of life, of what he does, of what is important to him, of every aspect of his life that when he talks about these you feel enveloped in that energy and excitement that you feel like finding your own passion as well.

6. One who would be my personal cheering squad and vice versa. One who would lift me up when I need one and I would do the same thing. One who would have faith in me when everyone else even my own self have lost it. One who when things are tough would comfort me and assure me that things have a way of working out. He may not be sure of it but at least he tried.

7. He must have a sense of family and friends. I am really close to my family. Sure, there are days that they can be crazy that I feel like pulling all my hair out but the fact still remains that they are family and they will always have my back no matter what. Same with friends. I have had the same friends since I was in first grade. They have been with me through the good and the bad times. He need not be all chummy with my friends but at least be civil and accept that they are part of my life no matter what.

8. One who would accept me for who I am and it is a guarantee I will do the same to you. He is able to see the person beyond the facade. I have my moments of "craziness" and he is able to live with that and accept that. He need not defend me when people think otherwise, just knowing that he is fine with it is enough for me. I am not "perfect" myself. He must be able to accept that and does not attempt to change me into his "idea" of who I must be.

I know that it is only asking for 8 but I want to add one more. It would be great if he knows how to cook. I think there is nothing more sexy and perfect than a guy in an apron and treats his kitchen as if it's his own kingdom. The saying "the quickest way to a man's heart is through his stomach" does not only apply to guys.